Mom of 2?

I'm almost 6 months along in my pregnancy with little Julien . . . in about 3 more months I will have a tiny baby seemingly dropped into my life (that's what it felt like with Jamey)!

But what's different this time around is having another child here already.  I wasn't nervous when we were thinking of getting pregnant, trying to get pregnant, I wasn't even nervous at the beginning of the pregnancy probably because I was throwing up too much to think about anything else.  But as it gets closer . . .

On the one hand I think it will work out fine!  I have been able to keep Jamey interested in nursing (even though my milk dried up after the first trimester), and hopefully he continues to be interested . . . it would be nice to be able to nurse them both at the same time instead of having to try to entertain Jamey separately while nursing Julien... maybe even a little relaxing to have that quiet time?

But what about the other times?  Jamey is really really good about entertaining himself and playing alone, but when he feels jealous of me or like I am paying too much attention to something else, he can get very upset and clingy  . . . if Julien is an easy baby like he was, he hopefully won't mind being stuck in the swing for frequent naps or be propped up on the couch to observe the world while I do normal stuff with Jamey, but what if he's one of those babies who refuses to be put down, who won't nap easily . . . will I be able to handle it?

Then there's me.  The last person on the list . . . I always think to myself that I'll be able to put my self aside and just spend a few months focused on having two babies . . . but will I really deal with this?  In the past the "plan" to forget about myself has never worked out.  I must be a lot more selfish than my Mom was when we were young, but after a few weeks of putting myself aside I start to long for adult time and conversation, for an online outlet, for intellectual challenge . . . and this longing, if unaddressed, becomes something darker and more harmful--a resentment with guilt attached--a sense of deserving but not deserving . . .

So now with three months left I start to worry.  Will I do it?  Can I handle it?  Well I don't honestly know.

What I do know is that I've figured a lot of things out in the last almost-2 years of being a stay at home Mom.  How important play-dates are.  How important it is to try to get out of the house every day.  How much having a bit of a schedule can help me and Jamey both feel happy and healthy . . . How rejuvenating it can be to chat with another Mom at a playground . . . and I have a great therapist right now who specializes in postpartum depression, I've made great strides in the past 6 months in learning how and when to reach out for support and help when I need it.  I'm not the same person I was when I felt lost and unsure of how to find myself again . . . so I'm hoping it will be okay.

Maybe it will even be good.  And in another part of me I start to long to hold and cuddle my sweet new baby . . . I'm excited as much as nervous and so we march on.

Wordless Wednesday: Summer

Baby Signs

When I was in high school I babysat for a little girl from the age of 14 months.  Her parents had taught her a few simple baby signs, and it was so invaluable!  She could tell me when she was hungry, thirsty, or all done. . . it was only a few things but it made my job as a babysitter a million times easier!  I always said when I had kids, I would teach them baby signs, too.

Fast forward to last year--teaching your baby to sign has never been more popular and easy.  There are tons of resources and a million different versions of baby signs.  We decided to teach Jamey American Sign Language because it is a common and widely used language throughout the whole country--teaching Jamey the "real" sign means that we are teaching him a way to communicate, for life, with other people all over the country.


The research on teaching signing is very motivating--Over 140 participating families were randomly assigned to a signing or non-signing group and the following differences were noted (among other benefits):
-By age two, signing children on average have 50 more spoken words in their vocab than non-signing children
-By 3 years old, signing children were speaking at the level of average (non-signing) 4 year olds.
-At age 8, children who had learned to sign as babies had an average IQ of 114, which was 12 points higher than their non-signing peers at 102.  (This is a HUGE difference, and somewhat shocking to me!)

So how did we start out with signing?

From about 6 months, we started out with demonstrating simple signs to Jamey, such as milk, nurse, more, and all done.  It was a long time before he was able to do the signs back to us.  Starting to wave is usually the first "sign" that they are ready to start to use more signs.  Jamey started to wave around 10.5 months.  After this, the first signs he would do were all hand signs only:

Milk, Light, Hi/Bye (waving), More (4 signs total)

Then at some point a little before he turned a year old, a new connection was forged in his brain and he started learning how do signs referencing his own body:

Mom, Dad, Nurse, All Done (8 signs total)

Then, around 12/13 months, some language center in his brain turned on.  He started to nurse a lot more and at the same time, wanted to know the word and sign for everything he saw.  All of a sudden his favorite books were picture dictionaries.  This was an absolute explosion in his signing vocabulary, and I honestly think he was only limited by OUR knowledge and ability to teach him.

At 13 months, he could sign all of the above signs, plus:

Potty, Diaper, Hot, and Yay (clapping) (12 signs total)

At this point we got a little more serious about teaching ourselves so that we were able to teach him, and by 14.5 months he had added all of the following:

Water, Drink, Food, Orange
Cat, Dog, Bird, Pig
Hat, Shirt, Shoe
Yes, Moon, Teeth, Please, Bath
(28 signs total)

Only two weeks later (15 months) he'd added:

Grandpa, Grandma
Cow, Bear
Want, Hurts, Sleep
Sun, Boy, Working, Car, Book
Where
Additionally he had invented a way to turn words into a question by shrugging/looking around while making a sign.  We did not teach him this but he came up with it naturally after learning "where"
(42 signs total)

By 16.5 months, he'd added:

No, Thank you, Sad
Rain, Fire, Grapes
Turtle, Lion
Additionally he had made up a sign to request to watch "Blues Clues"
He had also made up a sign to ask us to practice qigong!
(52 signs total)

By 18 months:

Mouse, Frog, Butterfly, Fish
Apple, Library, Outside, Firefighter
Baby, Man
(63 signs total)

Now he's 19 months.  And he's learned even more, which I haven't written down yet and probably won't remember, but let's try:

TV
Fruit
James (a sign I made up for his name)
Sorry
Pee, Poop
Truck, Airplane, Boat
Tiger, Spider
Aunt, Uncle, Cousin
(77 signs total)
,
Honestly there are definitely some I am forgetting.  I have to be honest that my kid is a delayed talker, however, kids who have learned as MANY signs as he has often have delays because they are not dependent on language to communicate.  With this said, he has a HUGE comprehensive vocabulary and has understood pretty much everything we say for many months.

Additionally (and interestingly), the first intervention for kids who are brought to speech therapists with language delays is to begin to teach signing.  There can be a variety of physical issues that can interfere with language, but signing means that even a non-speaking child can begin to build the language centers in their brains at this critical age, which is actually much more important.


Many people have commented on Jamey.  He is obviously very smart, but more than that, he is a confident and independent person.  He has very good self esteem and can participate actively in conversations with all kinds of people.  Most of our friends and family have enjoyed learning some signs, too.

And to be honest I LOVE it.  I have always been interested in language and I think I enjoy learning the signs almost as much as Jamey does.  Plus a lot of the signs are so intuitive, or relate to each other and the signing alphabet in fun and interesting ways . . . the benefits are not limited to the child but extend to everyone the child is in contact with!

So we'll continue to build our family vocabulary.  Little Julien will be luckier than Jamey because he will be less limited at an early age by our ignorance and will be able to learn more signs at will.  Additionally I've heard that older siblings really enjoy passing their signing knowledge onto their little siblings!  I can't wait.

Adventures in Diaper-Free Potty Training, Take Two

I am once again attempting to write about our Adventures in Elimination Communication . . .

I had heard of EC when I was pregnant with Jamey, but couldn’t quite wrap my head around it—I wasn’t sure how to go about it—I was a brand new parent with a million other worries/distractions.  It didn’t work for me . . . but it WOULD HAVE worked for Jamey—he HATED to be wet even as a brand newborn and would definitely have responded well to early EC.  After learning even more about it, and seeing how Jamey went from hating his diaper being wet and loving to be changed to not caring at all and hating being changed.

For those who aren’t familiar, Elimination Communication is a term for less diaper-centered and more communication-centered approach to dealing with the inevitable pees and poos of infanthood.  In our culture where most people use diapers for 2-3 years, people often aren’t aware that even a very young infant: -has the ability to control their bowel/bladder, -prefers not to soil themselves if they don’t have to.  What this means is that EC describes a system in which the baby either does not wear a diaper or the parent is changing the wet diaper immediately, and the parent is cueing the baby to pee or poop over a toilet or potty, potentially from birth or a few months old. 

Ideally, what happens here is that the baby remains aware of and in control of their bladders/bowels, and instead of getting attached to a diaper as the “right” place to go to the bathroom, they learn from the beginning that they can use the potty instead.  Some Moms describe babies,  ECed from birth, who when they learned to crawl started crawling to their potty when they had to pee.  So potentially a baby who is EC’d from birth could be totally “potty-trained” by the time they start walking—12-18 months.

So with that intro, back to us .  .  . 

Anyway, I never really did it much with Jamey—I would experiment for a week or two, leaving him laying on cloth diapers or loosely wrapped around him, and changing him often and trying to cue him—but like I said, I was a little too distracted mastering breast-feeding, baby-proofing, and adjusting to first time motherhood, so I never quite had the dedication to stick with it seriously for any period of time.

But then I got pregnant.  And nauseous, and tired . . . and the diaper changes that used to take all my energy/stamina/patience were now screaming/wrestling matches between Jamey and I.   He would throw a fit like I was TORTURING HIM every time I changed his diaper.  I resorted to yelling, pinching his legs, pinning him down . . . it’s not a choice when there is poop in his butt!

So when I hit the second trimester, started vomited with more predictability and less horsepower . . . and stopped being so tired that my body felt incased in concrete . . . I thought, "Well, let’s take the 2^nd trimester and see if an EC/diaper free approach would actually work if I stuck with it.  And if I can get the boy potty-trained before I have another baby. . . awesome."

So we took off the diapers and I got over pee and poo.   I learned that baby pee doesn’t smell too bad . . . that baby poop barely gets his butt dirty when he’s pooping on the floor instead of a diaper.  I learned that it’s easier to wipe up a puddle of pee off the ground than change a diaper.  I learned that poop doesn’t even get the rug dirty unless he/someone steps on it before I can grab it.  And I learned that he instinctively DOESN’T step in pee or poo when he knows it’s somewhere, so that has rarely happened . . . and within a week I saw more control—he started to pee and poo in certain places at certain times, and NOT go in other situations.  For instance in 5 weeks of being completely diaper free, he has never peed or pood ON me or James or anyone else—never while anyone was holding him, or he was sitting in their lap or playing close together.  He has never peed on his books or toys.   Meanwhile he has peed standing at the screen door like 10 times.

And, throughout all this, though, my kid would not sit on the potty.  Or the toilet—he would not try to pee, he would not pee on cue, and for a while he would even STOP peeing when I managed to get the potty bowl in between his urine stream and the ground.  But I persisted. 

And finally,after a month of peeing and pooing with abandon, Jamey finally decided to pee on a bush one day when I suggested it.  Since then (maybe for a week or a bit longer), I've been taking him outside to pee on the bush regularly, reducing our "accidents"—pees on the floor—to 1-2 a day.  Finally a couple days ago he actually sat on his little potty and peed on request, and since then has been doing it more and more. 

So at this point he has total control over peeing—just like that, once he got the “trick” of trying, he can do it nearly every time . . . except that he still forgets to hold it, so if I don't take him often enough, he will eventually have an accident.  He also doesn't usually tell me when he has to go, though he has, on his own, peed and pood in the potty increasingly over the last few days/weeks. 

The actual toilet is still too distracting--focus and motivation seem to be key for him.  It works well (as long as he's not too hungry/tired) to say: "Please go pee-pee and then we can do X fun thing!"  But he is really into cars/vehicles right now so when he's outside trying to pee on the bush, if an interesting truck or something drives by he might totally "lose it".

Anyway, I think I might start trying to get him to go on the toilet more often, using the flush (and maybe a sticker/sticker chart) as motivation.  I think if I can get him attached to either flushing/handwashing or the stickers, and he realizes he just needs to pee in the toilet first to get these things, that might be the proper motivation to do it (until he gets bored with those things after a few weeks). 

I’m actually really pleased with how things are progressing—it is so gratifying to see that he has learned to “try”—and I really feel like a lot of the work left is just building skills and honing his habits so that he wants/expects/automatically goes to, try the potty at certain times every day.  Honestly a lot of this is honing OUR skills—remembering to take him every hour or so, and esp after meals and stuff . . .

It’s funny though, I started out this diaper-free thing thinking if it didn’t “work”, ie, result in “potty-training”, by the time I got too huge to deal with it, I would “give up”, ie “go back to diapers”. But at this point I really do buy into the idea that it’s just an easier, more straightforward way to deal with pee and poop.  Like, I’m to the point now that I don’t think I would go back to using diapers even if he just kept going to the bathroom on my floor.  But I also see it working—I see that there is real progress—he learns, he grows.  So now the idea of using diapers seems like backpedaling, and ironically, extra work!

Anyway, I’m very glad to report progress—hopefully I will report more soon!   ;-)

Wordless Wednesday: Cousin Play

Wordless Wednesday: First Sleep in His New Room

Benefits to Toddler Nursing

James is still nursing. In fact, he's nursing more now than he has in many months.

He now nurses around 12 am, 5am, 7am
Nurses to sleep for one nap @12 or two naps--@10 and 2 ish
Nurses around 5pm if we are home/alone
Nurses to sleep around 6pm (if it's a one nap day) or 8pm (for a two nap day)

The 7am and 5pm sessions are new--though I have often given a bottle at 5pm to use up my milk stash, I could never get him to focus on nursing then before, but now he is re-interested.

Anyway, I am appreciating some definite benefits:

1. The 7am session means he's hungry for breakfast a little later, giving me time to get up/dressed.
2. The 5pm session is the PERFECT solution to what my Mom calls "The ugly Hour" The ungodly time when tiredness of the day meets pre-dinner hunger and Dad isn't home yet to help out--baby clings whiny to Moms while she attempts to cook dinner . . . A little milk improves the mood of the ugly hour to manageable levels!
3. Smart baby. Breast milk is perfect nutrition. There are tons of fats and proteins that make up neurons and neural pathways in the brain and body. As I sit there and watch james' comprehensive vocabulary and his signing ability start to take off already at 14 months . . . well, who know if it is even related, but the Mylar sheaths coating and protecting his neurons are made exclusively of human (or maybe veggie, hehe) fats. I love that. He is my body delightfully re-purposed.
4. Magic relaxation comes with letdown. I might be about to pull my hair out at the end, or even the beginning, of the day. But if this frustration coincides with nursing, those love hormones just melt away all my bad mood/feelings.
5. No need to worry about nutrition. Many tots are picky eaters. And even though mine is not, he is vegan. Of course I worry about his nutrition, despite the fact that he seemingly eats a wider variety of fresh, healthy, and organic foods than most kids his age . . . but, as long as I am nursing him on demand, I can be assured that he is getting everything he needs nutritionally.
6. Wolverine Style healing ability for the very frequent bruises, cuts, rug burn, etc. James is pretty active and probably falls and seriously hits his head . . . at least a couple times a week. He also scratches himself on wood, paper, concrete, furniture, cats (ahem), etc. But he heals so fast . . . a minor cut will be scabbed one day and the scab will fall off on day two. A huge bang to the head will go from an egg one day to a bruise the next, and completely disappeared within a few days or a week . . .
7. Emergency snack for any situation. Though, james would have to be REALLY hungry to nurse in a non-home and non-quiet environment, but if we were really in a pinch (or even like a flood or dangerous situation) I know I always have clean, sterile, perfect nutrition for him whereever we are!

I'm sure there are more but those a just a few benefits of Toddler Nursing that I can think of! Some are nursing benefits at any age, I suppose, hehe.

Birth Revelations!

So, Jamesy and I visited our cousin Emily and little cousin Ava, who is already 7 1/2 months old!

My cousin had never seen my birth video, so we watched it. I've seen it sooo many times before, but never before have I noticed . . .

an arm? Not a hand. An arm. Wow. That is really a whole arm!

Emily and I saw it together, our simultaneous gasp summing up the previous paragraph . . .

My baby crowned not only a head. He crowned an entire arm and shoulder, too. Like, when he was crowning his elbow was coming out with his head, and when the head was out the whole arm was out.

All of a sudden, all of the following things make sense.

-Why I was having shooting pains down one leg for the last month of pregnancy.

-Why the crowning/pushing stage took a relatively long time compared to the overall course of the labor. From the beginning of labor until full dilation was about 2 hours. And then from full dilation until crowing was another hour and a half. His head/arm/shoulder were out a full three contractions before I was able to push him the rest of the way out.

-Why the crowning/pushing stage were so painful for me. Now, I did have an easy birth, and the pain of crowning and pushing was actually about what I had expected it would be. But . . . now seeing what was actually happening in my vagina when I birthed this baby, it kinda makes me wonder if the next one will be a totally crazy pain-free birth or something. I can't imagine how much easier it would be to push out only a head. A head is already shaped to fit through the opening provided for the baby. An arm/shoulder/head is not smooth and round.

-Why I had a 5th degree tear.

-Potentially why james took a long time to breathe/clear his lungs. That birth presentation/posture would have put extra/incorrect/not enough pressure on his body. The vagina is meant to clamp down on the chest of the baby to expel fluids after the head is born, but maybe his presentation prevented this clamping from happening correctly. They say the first breath is the hardest to take so having extra fluid to clear or feeling an extra weight must have made it harder.

Now, someone could read this list and say these things happen to babies born in a textbook position all the time. Or maybe wonder why it even matters to me.

I like to understand. And I know myself well. Things happen for a reason. I like to understand the reasons behind things. When I saw that arm, it was like I put in the final piece of my birth experience puzzle and can see the entire picture clearly now.

I guess time will only tell. If I have another baby, in a textbook position, I would guess my labor will be closer to 3 hours than 5, and that I will not tear at all except minorly (or along the old tear), and that crowning/pushing will be a comparative breeze and my post-partum recovery will be practically non-existent. But like I said, time will tell!

Along with this realization also came some crazy birth power. Now I really feel like I could handle anything. 11 lbs baby, natural vaginal breech birth--whatever! I am woman I roar out baby.

First Dairy

So we're vegan . . . and James David has been pretty much vegan for his life, too . . .
Except for 1.5 times when he ate cat food . . . at least one time definitely in the mouth (swallowing uncertain), another time or two where he MIGHT have eaten some but I'm not sure . . .

And of course, he nurses. Breast milk is an "animal product", but he is the one it is meant for! Personally I think cow's milk is great! For baby cows! And human milk is great, too! For baby humans!

Anyway, so he's never had cow's milk (or any non-Mom dairy). Well, he HAD never had any non-Mom dairy! But . . .

Me and Mariclare went to our 10-year high school reunion last week, and me and LJ slept over at my parents' house. It was . . . interesting to say the least! Of course the only people who showed were people who were relatively happy and secure with their current situation. All the haters stayed home, so we had a good ole time!

Such a good ole time that when some unknown and loving family member (ie, Kate), pulled the "awake and seeking attention baby" out of my sleepy arms at 6:30am, I felt nothing but gratitude and immediately zonked out.

So I woke up a few hours later feeling SO happy for the extra sleep, scooped up my cute baby, and my sister comes up like:

"Okay, don't freak out."
I look at the baby, he seems fine. "Okay? What?"
"Dad fed him Greek Yogurt this morning."
"What?"
"Yeahhhhh..."

And I did not freak out. I honestly was still in the mentality of "THANK YOU MYSTERY FAMILY MEMBER WHO RESCUED ME FROM MOTHERHOOD AT 6AM!!" So much so that I was like: "Oh well, at least I got to sleep in". LOL

Though for the record, my Dad did not do this on purpose. Though he is very smart about some things . . . he just did NOT realize. Basically I had brought these leftovers in a yogurt container. My Mom saw this, and told my Dad there was yogurt in there for him. So my Dad went to look for it, saw the leftovers, and then the only other yogurt in the fridge was the Greek Yogurt and he was basically like: "Okay here we go, yogurt".

It's pretty funny though, my Dad was saying that even though James was eating it . . . "it was like he knew he wasn't supposed to be." Hahaha, like he wasn't eating very much of it--and was sort of eating hesitantly? and let me tell you, he can PUT AWAY FOOD normally, so it's funny.

Though I was telling my Dad it probably had less to do with being DAIRY than being an unfamiliar food. He is a well-attached baby and definitely looks to me or his Dad when encountering an unfamiliar food, animal, person, etc. He looks at our reaction to see how he should react. I watch him do this.

So, though he KNOWS my Dad and sister, he doesn't trust them in the same way, so when they were offering him an unfamiliar (TOTALLY UNFAMILIAR) food, he just wasn't quite trusting them that he was supposed to eat it. It's just funny that he was right!

Anyway, the thing I was most concerned about is some kind of allergic reaction (immediately) which didn't happen, and then stomach upset (in the hours after) which also didn't happen. So it ended up being a non-event . . .

But there is the story of first (and perhaps only? Probably not I guess!) dairy!

Wordless Wednesday: Birthday, by Burtons (Guest Photo)

What We Do With Vaccines, and Why

I would list us under "moderate" in terms of our stance on vaccinations.

For the most part, in my opinion, most vaccines are harmless for most kids, and mostly protect most of us from most of the deadliest and most crippling diseases!

However . . . some vaccines are also deadly for some kids some of the time. Some of the ingredients in vaccines are "poisonous" to the body some of the time. Some vaccines are also unnecessary for some kids in some situations. In fact, some vaccines are unnecessary for most kids in most situations!

And some of the diseases we are mostly protected against? Are mostly harmless to most people most of the time. But, some of the diseases we are mostly protected against are really awful for most kids most of the time, too!

So, James and I make the following decision about vaccines: One at a time. We do not make broad statements like:

-Let's receive all vaccines blindly without researching.
-We will not receive any vaccines on principle.
-All vaccines are important and necessary.
-All vaccines are poisonous, harmful, and dangerous.

For what it's worth, we have done the following so far:

-Chosen not to get Hep B at Birth or One month. There is no reason why he would get this, and at such a young age, we had no reason to put those chemicals in his body without a real risk.

The reason Hep B is given to infants is if the Mom has it already, could have gotten it during her pregnancy because one of the parents is cheating, or if the infant needs a blood tranfusion, it can sneak through a screen 1 in 65,000 times.

However, if there is any risk that the infant could catch it, it is worth getting . . . 90% of infants who catch it during birth have it forever.


-At 2 months received Pneumoccal--Pc (common, deadly 20-30% of the time for infants) and Hib (Used to be common, deadly to 5%, disabling to 25%).

Both these diseases can lead to meningitis, one of the top killers of newborns. Furthermore, James' family has a history of weakness to meningitis. It was a priority for us to protect him against this. When he was 2 months old he was 12.5 lbs! We decided he was ready to handle the side effects and risks because the risks of not doing it were higher at that point.

Furthermore, both of these vaccines have been around for along time, and the amount of times it has led to serious complications in a small child is extremely rare.

-At 4 months received a combo shot of Dtap and Polio. There is evidence that a combo shot means that less ("poisonous") ingredients are needed with the vaccines.

DTap is protection against Diphtheria (rare, but deadly to 10%, but also treatable), Tetanus (rare, but deadly to 15%, and really severely awful to recover from), Pertussis (Whooping Cough, common, occasionally deadly--to 1% under 6 months).

We also received a 2nd dose of Hib.

-At 6 months we decided to receive nothing because James had not been feeling well (I forget if it was a cold or fever, teething related or not, but he had been sick the previous week). Commonly when reactions to vaccines occur, it is if the vaccine is given while the immune system is compromised, IE, when the child is sick or has recently been sick.

-But we rescheduled for 7 months, and then received a second dose of Pc and a third dose of Hib.

-We have chosen not to get Rotavirus . . . but now in researching to write this, LOL, I think I might reconsider . . .

Well, it is originally given at 2, 4, 6, months but it was totally un-necessary then (for us). While Rotavirus is a common disease that can lead to a somewhat serious risk of dehydration often needing a hospital stay to recover from . . . the risk of a baby who is not in daycare catching it is pretty low. And when James was that little I was barely even leaving the house, so there was no reason to get it then.

Plus, he was allergic to everything then and this is an oral vaccine, so he was at somewhat of a risk for developing a reaction because of that.

But now that his system is stronger, he's bigger, and we are being more social with other kids, he's at a SLIGHTLY higher risk of catching it. Though, then again, the odds of a tot who is still breastfeeding getting dehydrated and more seriously sick is fairly low . . .

I guess I'm still deciding! But this is a good example of what we try to consider when making each decision about each vaccine for each of our children at each visit.

Obviously there is a lot more to the full vaccine series but this is just what we've done so far. Who knows what we'll end up doing, we haven't really researched the rest yet, hehe. However, I will say without adding any more detail that we will put off the MMR for his 12 month visit, and probably just catch him up on one of the other ones instead.

A few more important things to add . . .

I believe it is a parent's right, for whatever reason, to decide that no vaccines are right for her/his child for some reason. But with this said. There is one more important point that I must add:

It is very important for most of the people to get vaccinated against some of the deadliest diseases, most of the time. Otherwise we face a situation where most of the people are somewhat at risk, and that isn't fair to anyone.

*We got most of our information from the Dr. Sears Vaccine Book. I would consider it to be a very fair and balanced book that presents all the information without telling you what to think or adding unnecessary fear-mongering. Unfortunately, it is one of few resources that I can say this about! I would highly recommend it.

Happy Halloween!

(Let's just pretend I actually did publish this on Halloween!)

Not Quite BLW

So I set out with the intention to do BLW, but then I didn't REALLY get what it was--because I wanted my kid to eat healthier than I eat, which doesn't quite work with STRICT BLW (sharing food with baby).

And, as it happened, I got a baby with a million food allergies, and then, constipation issues (to rice, banana, apple, other grains, etc) . . . so he needed to eat mostly a prune/raisin/apricot/peach/squash/beet/carrot/soy yogurt, etc type diet while I am eating like fake mac and cheese and tofu pups and bean tacos and also healthier things, but typically flavored with soy sauce, nutritional yeast, "butter", tchratcha sauce, etc . . . so, he can't eat it.

So this is what we've been doing. Now at nearly 11 months he's been having 3 meals a day. Breakfast at 8 am is the most recent meal addition--we started that third meal maybe a month ago, around 9.5-10 months. He wants to eat by like 7:30 - 8 and I couldn't deal with the mess of letting him self feed. So this is this one meal that I feed him soft food with a spoon and don't let him even help more than one or two seconds per morning . . .

So, 8 am, I feed him unsweentened soy yogurt mixed with diced rehydrated prunes and prune syrup. The prune adds some sweet to the unsweetened yogurt, plus this whole mix gets his sensitive system started out right, so he doesn't get constipated.

Then at noon he eats lunch, and at this point we do let him self-feed, but it's not really what we are eating. He usually eats a few prunes, or sometimes raisins or apricots (all rehydrated--ie, floating in water/syrup and all wet and MESSY but ideal for promoting pooping). And then usually some kind of veggie--grated carrot or beet or daikon, etc--steamed broccoli, asparagus, green, etc--sliced tomato or avocado, etc. And then usually some other kind of whole fresh fruit--slice of mango or kiwi or a whole peach, plum, nectarine--now just starting to give apples and it seems to be going okay (woot).

Repeat a similar style of meal around 4pm--his dinner I suppose. I also try to give him some kind of easy-to-eat protein once a day, like tofu, lentils, hummus, bean soup, etc. He LOVES hummus but I need to make my own because all the brand ones make him react.

And then sometimes he has dinner with us (usually a small amount of a selection of what we are having if we eat before 6:30)--otherwise we eat after he goes to bed.

So I guess as he approaches a year I'm thinking of making that 6:30 meal more significant (and prob changing 4pm dinner to 2-3pm snack). I might even make buckwheat/quinoa cereal with breastmilk (and mixed with prunes/raisins) and let him practice eating with a spoon at that meal/us feeding him.

So that's where we are at! In terms of self-feeding, it's going really well. He loves to eat, he loves all food basically. He'll eat for a half hour, fairly steadily, when he has lunch and dinner. He does the pincer grasp and is really good at eating everything with his hands, including whole unpeeled fruit. Like any 11 month old baby (I would think) he's not great with using spoons/forks, and we aren't great at letting him practice because he's actually more messy than when he uses his hands. Maybe that will be part of "dinner" now, too. He did actually "get" recently the whole putting the spoon/fork in the spoon as a means to eat, so I guess now it's time to practice, hehe.

Sorry for not updating more--james LOVES the computer and he won't let me type when he's awake. And when he's napping there is so much more to do! And in the evening I am so tired, I've been going to bed at like 8 or 9. And sometimes he doesn't fall asleep until 8:30, sooooo yeah. And sorry also if I have been a bad friend/family member in terms of calling back/hanging out. This parenting stuff is totes a full time job!! Mama's tired.

In Which I Discover it is Possible to Rock my Baby to Sleep

So if you recall a previous post, I explained that I needed to strap James down to get him to go to sleep. Like, in his swing, carseat, or stroller.

Well, while I was on vacation, and unable to fall back on my swing. . . I was forced to learn to rock my baby to sleep. And DAMN IT IS HARD TO DO, but it is possible, and it actually only takes 15 mins (unless he is in pain from teething, or not quite tired enough, or constipated, or he sneak pooed and I have yet to notice it or something, in which case it can take 30 mins or longer sometimes).

BUT for the most part, it can be done in 15 mins. But it's like . . .

5 mins in which the baby screams, thrashes, kicks his feet at you, scratches, bites, claws your eyes and mouth, cries, etc.
5 mins in which he does all of these things with less gusto, with moments of calm mixed in
5 mins in which he is calm and more and more appears to be asleep

I honestly wish I could have a video of this because it's really ridiculous.

And finally he is really asleep and it is possible to transfer him onto his side on a bed or in a pack and play, and then to sort of shake him there for a second, and finally you can leave.

So now having discovered this I am pleased to find myself developing more self-efficacy with getting him to sleep, in different locations and bed situations.
Now I rarely have to resort to crying-it-out, because I really did hate it . . . for over a month now we've been rocking our hearts out! Better than CIO, but it's still hard, and teething makes it worse. I need to do a whole (other) post on teething, too.

Behind

I hate when I haven't been blogging enough because nothing is explained . . . I can't figure out where to start with how much he has changed, what our life has been, what has been going on. Maybe it's the new normal for the weeks to fly by like a flip-book. Can't believe my boy is nearly 10 months old--time to start planning a first birthday party?! Crahazy!

Travel with A Little/How I Missed my Flight/Wednesday

Okay, probably because I was in denial about the difficulty/work aspect, pretty much no one knew that I was taking a vacation, with james, for a week, and then James is meeting us for the final few days . . .

We are now in Jacksonville, FL, until Monday morning. We are here visiting my cousin Dave and our new little cousin Parker--this will be my first time meeting Parker!

Our flight was SUPPOSED TO be Wednesday at 1:30, land at 3:30, check into the hotel and have a leisurely night settling in, and then see Dave, Tracy, and Parker on Thursday. However . . . we missed our flight. :-/

I will say that both me, and my Dad who was driving me, tends to cut it close in terms of arrival. We are not the type to sit around the airport. We like to arrive and board.

Well. I discovered that my strategy with a baby in tow (especially when I'm alone) is going to have to change.

I checked in more than an hour before my flight (I think? I was in line to check my baggage for a LONG time). And then I went through security . . . which took FOR.EV.ER. They made me take the baby out of the carrier, take my laptop bag out of my carryon, take my laptop out of it's bag, put everything in separate bins that they were running out of . . . then I had to put it all back together on the other side. And I wasn't even rushing! I had NO CLUE that the time was running down.

I think I was just so concerned with the baby and being alone that I just . . . wasn't even thinking it was that close!

But I got through security, looked at the board to find my gate number, and the flight was already closed. WHAT THE HELL? So I ran there, and started pleading with the attendant.

"The plane is there, I can see it!"
"Sorry miss we already closed the doors."
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Then the pilot arrives, and looks at me sweating my balls off and clinging to my baby . . .
"Please!" I say, "please, I just got here and I ran straight from security, I didn't even stop to go the bathroom! And my carseat is on that plane!" Waaaaaaaaaaaa
"Can you let this lady on?" he asks the attendant.
"We closed the doors, sir."
"Well, are you going to open them to let me on? Yeah? Well let's get this girl on, too."
"I could kiss you!" I tell him.
"Don't worry," he says with a wink, "I'll get you on this plane. I won't leave without you."
Phew.
And then he emerges a minute later.
"ummm, I didn't realize this, all the seats are full."
"You sold my seat?"
At this point I'm totally deflated, thank the pilot sincerely for his efforts, and make my way slowly over to customer service. They give me a ticket for an 8:30 flight (my original flight was at 1:30).

I sigh and hunker down--ie, walk the baby to sleep in the ergo, have a glass of wine, make friends with EVERYONE in the airport--bartender lady who looks like my cousin Nikki (but is Colombian, not Italian), magazine stand lady, shoe shine guy, costumer service guy, custodian . . . various other passengers. James charmes and wows even through extreme tiredness--that half-hour nap while I drank my wine is the last sleep I will get out of him until 11pm . . . but I try. I probably literally paced the area around my luggage for three hours straight.

So 8:30 eventually arrives, and they invite those with small kids to board first. And now, I find out for the first time that my ticket? Is actually a stand-by ticket. I am not guaranteed to get on the plane. So then I really flip out--poor customer service guy feels awful because there's nothing he can really do.

At this point I realize I am not alone. I'm not the only one who missed this flight, not the only one on standby. I'm joined by a Mom/Aunt/Grandma? with two young littles, and an entire other family . . . about 10 of us missed the original flight, and apparently they sold ALL of our tickets . . . um. Something is wrong here. JFK needs a kids/family line.

Anyway, me and the Mom/Aunt with the two littles manage to get on. THANK GOD. The flight is fairly awful, but at this point, I'm just grateful to be there. james hadn't slept, as I mentioned, and was practically hysterically beside himself with exhaustion. I really needed to walk him but they kept the seat-belt sign on the ENTIRE time, even though it was like 5-10 mins of smooth sailing, 1 min of shakiness . . . so he fussed and fussed and FINALLY nursed to sleep in the ergo.

So, we arrive, pick up our luggage, I get my rental car, and here I am, at 12 midnight. james plays happily, standing in the back of the car while I SWEAT BULLETS in the steamy Florida weather--can't believe it feels this much like a jungle at midnight, and attempt to install the carseat. GOD IT TAKES FOREVER!

But we're in, we're on our way--I get to my hotel. james is asleep in the car now, and I have been told by the hotel guy that my key will be in an envelope with my name on it in a black mailbox. And sure, I'm exhausted beyond belief, but I'm not seeing any black anywhere around?

So I'm wandering around looking confused at 1 am, and I catch the attentions of slightly-drunk guy.
"Well HELLO, you look like you need some help!"
"Do you work here?"
"Hahahah, No."
I appraise slightly drunk guy, who looks like he is half-hobbit, and decide he is no threat to me.
"I'm looking for this mailbox . . . "
He ends up finding the mailbox for me, which is not at all black or looking like a normal mailbox . . . ?
"Wow thank you so much!"
"Sooooo, what brings you to Jacksonville?" he asks, as I walk the few steps back to my car.
"Well, I'm visiting my cousin."
"Oh, why are you visiting?"
"Well, he had a baby a few months ago, and so did I!" I point to james sleeping in his carseat.
"Oh!" I have surprised the drunk hobbit, but he rallies.
"Well," he holds out his hand and I go to shake it, but he turns it around, "but, there's no ring here!"
"That's because it's here," I say, and show him my left hand. At this point I'm . . . LOL . . . it's just funny, and I'm smiling . . .
I have to give the hobbit a nod for persistence though, because he still gives me his room number and tells me if I need ANYTHING, to come find him. Okay dude, LOL.

So then I finally get in my room, and take the bed apart while holding the critically overtired and screaming baby, mattress on the floor, because I'm too tired, and I don't trust myself to keep a grip on the little man for the entire night . . . boxspring leaning up against the wall, bedframe in the bathroom.

And finally we sleep. Phew.

Note to self. Arrive early to airport in the future. Keep track of time/flight while going through security.

Wordless Wednesday

The Last Two Months

It's been a long ass time since I did a substantive update. I honestly think the last two--well, one month really, have been the most challenging for me as a parent so far . . .

Started crawling at 7.5 months, a week later was pulling up, a week later was cruising. Since then it's been a lot of all of those things: lots of balance and strength training. For the first couple weeks he was just CONSTANTLY falling with bumps and bruises all over his head. Thankfully he's better at it all now and, also, I think, more used to falling.

And so baby proofing began. Add this to the mental list of things I said I wouldn't do and am now doing. The main problem here is not that my house wasn't baby proofed, but that it wasn't CLEAN. And, I've learned by now that some people apologize for the state of their house and really it is immaculate? I'm not like that. If my house was semi-clean, I would admit it . . .

I'm a "throw things to the side when I am done with them willy-nilly" sort of person. And a "out of sight is out of mind" sort of person. And a "I won't look down" sort of person, LOL! Add all these together with having a husband that is the same and four cats? And an ant's view of my house would be like "cloudy with a chance of meatballs (and cat hair)."

The first few weeks/days of crawling were like . . . I would look away for a second (to try to clean and/or baby proof something, usually) look back, and james would be bringing a (clump of cat hair/bit of stale food/leaf/etc) to his mouth and I would run over and excavate. Or I would look away for a second, and then hear a thump and he'd be crying with another red lump on his head . . . or pulling on wires, or pulling the vacuum on top of him, or climbing the stairs, or eating cat food or . . .

If it was JUST baby proofing--JUST figuring out what he was able to reach and making sure it was safe for him--well, that I think I could have handled? Or not even done!

But it was more like, all of my life I've been trying to:
-Have a daily routine
-Get exercise
-Keep my house clean

And in the last two months, finally I've achieved it. (Almost). But it was a hard transition for me. It's a lot of work to keep your house clean. I see now why I avoided it for so long.

But we are pretty much done, now. Well, what I am learning is that you are never done. BUT, our entire downstairs is now pretty much safe and accessible to james. And honestly I like it. I love it. It's nice that I can turn my back on james for awhile now, without worrying about what infinitesimal speck of poison he was able to eat.

And honestly it's sort of awesome to have a clean house. AND to have a routine. Another thing that happened over the past two months. Here's pretty much what we do now:

james wakes up between 5-6, nurses awhile, crawls all over us until we get up.
Dad changes the baby's diaper
I get up between 7-7:30, dress me and james
Then I take james on a walk--I'm up to about 1.5 miles a day!
He falls asleep on this first walk, sleeps 8-9 outside in his stroller
While he sleeps, I start laundry, straighten the living room, eat breakfast if I'm lucky, etc.
james wakes up, play a bit
Nurse and Pump around 9:30
After nursing, eat breakfast
While he eats, I load/unload the dishwasher, deal with the breast milk, other kitchen cleaning
Clean up baby, possible sink bath, possible outfit change, change diaper at least
Read books
james takes 2nd nap, 11-12
While he sleeps, I eat again or for the first time, do laundry and other cleaning.
Wake up, nurse, play, read books
Back to sleep at 2--if I'm lucky this is a long nap. I need a real break by now but if I was really smart I would use this time to prepare dinner?
Wake up, nurse, eat food again around 4:30
Clean up baby, possible sink bath, possible outfit change, change diaper at least
And then I'm not sure because I think he's dropping his evening nap, and lengthening the afternoon nap? (I hope!) Anyway, we eat dinner in there somewhere, sans le bebe.
Dad changes into nighttime diaper and PJ's, reads books, Momma nurses
Baby sleeps 7:15-8:30 in swing
After wakeup, LONG NURSING in bed with Momma to sleep.
And then ideally he would sleep until we went to bed at 11-12 and then nurse again.

So yeah, I think we are doing pretty good!

But it has been a challenging few months. I was prepared to take care of a newborn, for some reason (well, I had an easy one, too!)--I don't mind nursing a lot, or holding a little baby, or changing lots of diapers. But I don't think I was prepared for the adorable baby to become mobile. I was in denial and totally held out . . . I saw he was starting to learn to crawl--I should have started baby proofing then! But I didn't realize how fast it would be.

I'm slow. I do house projects on several year time lines (hence the fact that our "nursery" is still full of random crap). But babies don't grow slow. They grow fast. So I'm continually getting kicked in the pants but HONESTLY? It's good for me, and I appreciate it! But change is hard.

And learning how to take care of my house, my self, FINALLY, after 28 years? Is hard, too. . . it took a baby to motivate me, but it feels good . . .

BUT it's not the only thing I need to take care of my self.

I'm realizing that I need this blog. I need to write, I need to take pictures. While I've been baby proofing and cleaning and organizing my entire life and house, something else inside me has been neglected. Things stir which have not been released.

So, in the words of Yoda: Balance Find I Must.

Movie Monday: Walking on His Knees

We discovered recently that this little ride-on thing that my Mom got him (for lack of a better description) actually converts to a walker-type toy. james was pretty excited when we converted it for him. Here he is using it his favorite way . . .

Photo Friday: Lost and Found From May

Well, it's been way too long since I photospammed you guys, so here we go.

I took these adorable photos of James in mid-May, and then somehow lost them and never put them on here or on FB until now!

And another lost one of him and Monty--he LOVES the cats now and they are starting to realize he is both interesting and painful incrementally.

And when Jessie was visiting we took some cute ones, too (also in the lost section):

Yep, I love my boy!