Last Year on this Day...Mother's Day 2010

Last year on Mother's Day, I told my family I was pregnant.

We had the plan to go to my parent's house--my sisters would be there, my two grandmothers would be there, and as it happened, my aunt (who is my godmother), my uncle, and my two cousins were there as well.

We'd gotten cards for each of them. Two "Grandma" cards for my Mom and James' Mom (we'd go to their house later on), and two "Great-Grandma" cards for my two grandmothers. Inside the cards were ultrasounds pictures from 7 and 9 weeks, and "tickets" to the birth and to hear the heartbeat.

So the moment came when everyone was gathered in the living room and they were going to open cards. They opened other cards and then I told them to open ours "all together". My grandma Rosemary realized first, and she just looked at us with tears in her eyes and said: "Really?" And then my grandma Marline started crying and got up to hug us, saying she was so so happy!

And then I looked at my Mom and she didn't know what to think. She was still reading the front of the card and didn't realize. And then some of the "tickets" fell out and she looked at them and finally realized.

"You're pregnant?" she said. And the rest of the room exploded into tears and hugs and my Mom and Dad, shell-shocked, not getting it, hahah. We had to count with my Dad--he was the same age as his father was when he became a grandfather! this comforted him.

My parents both distrusted it, after hearing about the m/c and our infertility struggles . . . I think it took at least a month to kick in--after we showed them the u/s video, and found out it was a boy, then it started to be more real to them . . .

Anyway, my sister Lauren totally lost it then. She turned into a sobbing mess, saying how happy she was for us, and that she had just been wishing so hard for us that we would get pregnant . . .

It was really special.

Later we went to James' Mom's house and I swear she read the following text of the card aloud before she realized I was pregnant:

"Once there was a little boy who had a really special Grandma! (turn page)
(handwritten:) "Here's a picture of your precious grandchild at 7 weeks gestation! And look how big (s)he is at 9 weeks!"

Finally she looked up at us: "Wait a minute! Are you pregnant?" Hahaha, and more hugging and congratulations from my inlaws and my brother and sister in law.

It was so special. And now, this year, I'm a real mother at last.

Who knew

It's going to take a few posts to unpack the wonderful/shellshocked event that was Mother's Day, but let me just talk about a few reactions:

******************************************************************

On Saturday, we went to see James' sister in a Belly Dancing show in Hartford, which was really enjoyable--James' sister was amazing and beautiful. When we got there, we hugged her and wished her a Happy Mother's Day and she said: "Happy Mother's Day to YOU!", and I said, "Oh, uh, thanks!"

And the show went on, and it was amazing, and when it was over, we hoped to catch his sister alone (without his Mom there), and as we were getting in our car, ready to leave, we saw her getting in HER car, and I said: "Ooo, let's tell her!"
And so we ran over, and James said: "Guess what, Adrienne's pregnant!"
And his sister said: "I KNEW it!"
And I said: "What, how did you know?"
"I could just TELL. That's why I wished you a Happy Mother's Day!"
Hahaha, okay psychic Mother-of-five, I guess I'm just an open book.

******************************************************************

Then the next day, we were eating lunch with my family (this is before we told them), and I was getting REALLY into eating. I was LOVING my sandwich (homemade dill hummus, avocado, spinach, tomato, onion--it was just damn good), and then I proceed to continue to eat avocado with dill hummus and potato chips for what I GUESS was an unreasonable amount of time, because somewhere in the middle there, my Aunt Lu was like: "Geez, what are you eating for two?"

(Sheepish/denying expression on my face but I couldn't look at her--but I didn't want her to spoil the surprise).

******************************************************************

Next day, after we told James Mom, she said: "Well, I did wonder."
And I was like: "WHAT? Why?" Again, it was the eating.

Flashback to the day before, we had gone out to an early dinner with her, Natalya, Andrew, and some of Natalya's friends to celebrate her graduation (she got her PHD, SERIOUSLY), and James' Mom and I shared three dishes: Sesame Tofu, Mustard Greens with Soybeans, and Bok Choy with black Mushrooms. And it was REALLY good. Long after James and his Mom had stopped and slowed their eating, I plowed on to finish, not only all three dishes but all the rice too.

James' Mom said: "When you reached over James to have the rest of my rice, I wondered whether you might be pregnant. You were so furtive!"

******************************************************************

Wow, I guess I am just too easy to figure out. Apparently I am enjoying food and eating more than I'd realized. I didn't really think I was eating that much more than usual but I guess I'm totally crazy.

Anyway, more about this very fun day later.

I love my Friends

Jessie was visiting this week, and it was quite delightful to have her. Her first morning at our house, we left early for our midwife appointment, and as we pulled back into the driveway, James turned to me excitedly and said: "Let's tell her right now, okay?"
"Sure!" I said. So we came inside and there she was on the couch, playing Wii Mario (because, really, what else would one be doing at 9:30 in the morning), and I said: "Hey, we had an appointment."
"With a midwife!" James added very proudly.
Her face quickly broke into joyfulness: "Are you pregnant?" We nodded and smiled, she jumped off the couch with squeals and hugs, and the rest of the day was punctuated with those same exclamation point noises and shrieks, along with things like: "OMG you are going to be a Mommy!" "THERE'S A BABY INSIDE YOU!", etc.

Later that night, Jessie and I met up with Katie, and went to her house to hang out. They had bought beer and I had bought food, and was on an eating binge like no other. Katie asked me if I wanted a beer, and I said: "No thanks," and then a few minutes later: "Guess what?"
"What?"
"I'm pregnant."
"OMG seriously? Ahhh! I am so happy for you!!" We collapsed into almost little-girlish giggles, the three of us, and they couldn't stop talking about it--calling me Momma, Jessie gathering me in her arms like a baby for a picture of "Her Holding Adrienne and the Baby," them making fun of me for my eating binge--saying I was eating for two ("Yeah, but one of us is only the size of a mouse.").

A while later I went home to collect James so he could go out to dinner with us, and we arrived at Willimantic Brewery, to gather with Jessie, Katie, Chris Henegan, and later to be joined by Mariclare. As we settled and got our drinks, I did the "Guess what?" game to Mariclare as well:
"I'm pregnant." At first she thought I was kidding, and as the reality sank in she became more and more joyful and shrieking--and it soon went around the whole table--the joy.
And Mariclare looked at James and I and said: "You guys are going to be parents!"
And apparently this was too much for Katie--she collapsed into nearly hysterical sobbing for a second as we all looked over in astonishment. I thought she had been poisoned by her food at first, asking: "Are you okay, oh my God!?"
But when she was able to compose herself a bit, she said it was just seeing the two of us together like that, James' proud grin, knowing we would be parents. The happiness miracle was just too much for her.
James could handle all these girl hormones since he was the glowing father, and Chris just rolled with it, leaning back in his chair, relaxed and smiling.
Mariclare said that she felt like she was pregnant, too--that this wasn't just changing our lives, it was changing all our lives.
"We are ALL pregnant," Jessie said. And in a sense it was true--this is our first baby, among my friends--and it will be loved so deeply. We are all pregnant.

The moral of this story--I love my friends. My protective secret curtain is being pulled back SO joyfully that I couldn't have asked for anything better.

Telling

So obviously I am getting a lot of cleaning done.

But as I approach 12 weeks, I am getting more and more excited about "really" letting the cat out of the bag! It is T-minus-9 days until Mother's Day when we tell our parents, siblings, and Grandmas, and I am REALLY getting excited about it, and being able to talk about it to everyone. :-)

Since I last updated about telling Amy and breaking my telling ribbon, James has told Karl, and I told Clare. I would LIKE to tell Mariclare and Sky but my attempts to hang out with them continue to be foiled. Maybe on Wednesday I'll be able to hang out with them.

Anyway, I feel sort of bad about telling too many people before we tell our families, but I really wanted to tell the family in person, to fully enjoy all the excitement, and that means doing it on Mother's Day when we will see everyone in person. Plus, you have to admit, there is something precious about telling your Mom and Mother-in-Law that you will be giving them a Grandchild for Mother's Day.

So anyway, I think we are trying not to really tell too many people before we tell our families, which means that I guess it has worked out that I just plain haven't seen a lot of the people I had intended to tell.

But I don't think I wrote about my plan for telling them yet (did I? No). Well, I got "Grandma" cards for my Mom and Mother-in-Law, and "Great-Grandma" cards for my two Grandmas!! I am so excited. It will be my Mom's first Grandchild and the first Great-Grandchild for both my Grandmas (unless my cousin Emily is secretly also pregnant right now--ha, how fun would that be!?). I think everyone will be super super excited, and my sisters will be, too, especially my sister Marilyn since she lives in the same town as me, so she'll be able to visit the wee one to heart's content.

What I haven't quite decided yet, is if, after telling our families, I want "the world" to know--like, our entire extended family, which in my case, is quite extensive, and Facebook, and EVERYONE, or if I want to wait just a few more weeks until we make some kind of public announcement. Technically when we tell our families, I will be almost 13 weeks, which is the end of the first trimester, and really I'm already pretty far out of "fear of miscarriage" land. But I might want to wait just a couple more weeks--like maybe until 15 or 16 weeks until we really tell everyone in the world. I haven't decided. We'll see what James thinks. What would be really amazing is if I attempted to wait until 20 weeks, when we will find out the sex of the baby, to tell about the pregnancy. But honestly if I am waiting until 16 weeks it is only another month until 20 weeks . . . we'll have to see how it goes.

Part of why I like the idea of telling as late as possible is then it makes the pregnancy go faster for everyone--like before you know it the baby is here! And there isn't as much waiting. But honestly, people love pregnancy almost as much as babies, so maybe I am depriving them by not telling them sooner.

I guess I am just a little afraid that 13 weeks will roll around, we will make a grand announcement, and then I will have some tragic late-term miscarriage at 15 weeks or something. God that would be horrible. But it is SO unlikely, I'm just super paranoid.

Okay, enough of this rambling.

So what do you think, will I go clean my house now?

Three Topics for Today

One--Midwives. That's right, those of you who know me well should not be surprised that James and I will be using a midwife to deliver our baby. There is an incredible amount of research out there that midwives are actually safer for mothers and babies than regular doctors in low-risk pregnancies. If I was feeling more energetic, I would find and post this research here for your perusal, but I am lazy and so it seems too difficult at the moment. Remind me later and I promise I will prove to you that midwives are a great choice for a birth attendant.

However, James and I feel as if we might have trouble finding a midwife that we like. We wanted one in a solo practice, covered by our insurance, who was willing to do a homebirth. (Yes, again, you should not be shocked that I am interested in a homebirth. Before you lose your socks, do your research, homebirth is just as safe, if not safer, than hospital birth for low-risk pregnancies.) So, we are put in the position to somehow compromise. Luckily, the fees of a homebirth midwife are generally about 1/4 of the cost of a hospital birth, and include all prenatal care as well, so if we are forced to go with someone not covered by our insurance, it would be okay.

While you reel from the news that I both plan to use a midwife AND may give birth in my own house, I'll distract you with a new topic:

Two--Telling. As I had mentioned, very few people know about the pregnancy so far. (Four, three of which are medical professionals, two of those happen to also be friends, though). All my online friends told people within minutes of the pregnancy test drying, including their parents, friends, and their network of Facebook acquaintances. As I mentioned before, given the vast array of chemical pregnancies I have gone through, my plan was always to wait.

But as the waiting got longer and longer it started to feel more and more funny to tell anyone about it. Around 8 weeks I thought I had developed a telling phobia and would not tell until people could know because of my huge belly. But then, around 9.5 weeks, I did start to have the itch to share my news with my dear friends (and there are so many of you, really).

But folks I have finally broken the telling ribbon. I hung out with Amy on Wednesday and she asked how trying to conceive was going, and I said "Well . . . " BIG SMILE.

Now, don't be jealous that you didn't find out sooner, if you are reading this and are not Amy. Basically, when I decided about a week ago that I wanted to start telling people, I thought that: 1. I wanted to tell them in person, and 2. I wanted to tell them in more of a personal setting.

James wanted to tell a table full of Norm, Jessie, Sagar, Amy, Karl, and Tim when we ate dinner with them on Sunday (before Laccone's show), but since I had told zero people, telling all those people at once scared the wits out of me. But the plan now is to tell you, dear friend, when I see you and hang out with you. Though I have been a socially withdrawn bad friend and family member (which now I can at least partly blame on bedrest), I do miss you and love you and hope to see you and tell you soon.

And another topic:

Three--Belly!! Yep, I've got a little one. James, Yaling, and Amy have assured me that it is not noticeable, but I think that is because it generally resembles my gluten belly. You see, I always have had sort of a round belly. Many of us have laughed about past photos in which I look 20 weeks pregnant--however, it turns out that this swollen belly was a reaction to gluten. When I stopped eating gluten, within a few days, my normally round belly had suddenly gone flat. I was flabbergasted. I began to notice that when I DID eat gluten, the bloated round belly would come right back. Weird, right?

Anyway, my 10 week belly very much resembles my gluten belly, and so, may not be noticeable to the untrained eye. And yet, the size 6 pants that I looked quite cute in a few months ago might as well be size 2's for how well I can button them. Luckily I have an ample supply of 8's and 10's to see me through for some time.

But fear not, dear reader, I have further proof:



I know it isn't a HUGE difference, but there is a bit of a difference. I will have to update on Sunday when we take our week 11 picture, I feel like it has really popped out this week.

Anyway, those three topics are probably enough to wrap your brain around today.

6 Weeks Today

Well, today I am six weeks and I think the pregnancy hormones are hitting me hard. We have an appt tomorrow and I am terrified that we will find that the baby is not developing . . . I almost cried about it just now but then I realized I was just being hormonal.

We plan on telling our parents at the end of July. We are going camping with my parents the first week of August, and I feel like, by then, it will be obvious that I am slightly pregnant--hehe. So James and I plan on trying to have dinner with his parents and Andrew and Natalya sometimes at the end of July, and telling them then, and then going down to my parents house so James can drop me off for camping, and having dinner with them and telling them all then. I am really excited for them to know, but also just to be in that place. I will be 8 weeks then and the risk of m/c drops to 2%. I will feel so thrilled when I am not terrified any more, hehe.

Funnily enough, one of my coworkers/good friends is also pregnant, and probably due within days of me. She told everyone at the bar last week and this also gave me a hormonal pregnant lady reaction where I was stressing about whether or not to tell them. But I honestly just feel like it is too early. I don't want to get everyone all excited only to disappoint later. If we do suffer a m/c and I need support, I will seek it at that time. But I feel like once you've told people you are pregnant, to tell them you are having a m/c is to disappoint them, I don't want that.