So I think we've reached a new and awesome place with breastfeeding. I know before I complained about it hurting a lot (which it did, at first) and him eating so frequently (which he still does, on occasion). But here at five weeks postpartum, things are looking up--so much so that I find myself really loving it, now.
James is getting a lot better at latching and eating. He can now (usually) latch himself back on when he pops off and can do so pretty well. He also is getting a lot faster and more effective at emptying the breast, so he doesn't tend to eat for nearly as long as he did at first. In the first week or two, it would take him 30 (sometimes even 45) mins to finish a good meal--now he can be done in 15-20 mins, and his snacks which used to be 15 mins are now 5.
I can now breastfeed in many different positions--I can go from sitting to standing, I don't rely on the boppy pillow anymore, but can hold him myself pretty comfortably. I can pretty much take him around with me while he is feeding (of course, I only have one arm free, tops, but it is better than being tied to the couch and not really having any freedom).
And it doesn't hurt much anymore at all. The initial latch/letdown is still slightly uncomfortable--but the letdown sensation is uncomfortable whether he is eating or not (and can be triggered by very funny things--like just a passing thought of him or glancing at a picture of him. But within about a minute of him starting to nurse, breastfeeding is pretty much totally comfortable now.
With this comfort is coming a love. Those prolactin hormones get released and I relax and zone out, often while staring into his beautiful blue eyes. I get lost in how beautiful he is, how amazing it is that I am feeding him . . .
And the breastfeeding relationship is really special too. I think it helps my confidence as a mother. The process of becoming a mother is so surreal. People have asked me what it feels like to be a mother and I still don't feel like I am one.
I gave birth, REALLY?
I have a baby, are you SERIOUS?
Who left this kid here?
I still feel like that. Sometimes it is easy to question if someone else couldn't care for him just as effectively (if not more).
But breastfeeding is like continual proof that I am, indeed, the mother of this beautiful baby, and actually the most qualified person to take care of him, the one who knows him best, who loves him best. Breastfeeding means that I am a unique person in James' world--no one else can do that for him. I think this helps the strange journey into motherhood--it reinforces that I am different in myself and special to this baby--that I HAVE changed into a mother, no matter how strange that seems to my intellect.
The last thing that is amazing about the breastfeeding relationship is how much James loves it. The absolute best moments for him is when he is eating. When he is crying and I lay him on my lap and start to get ready to feed him, he gets quiet and expectant.
In the article I posted a while back, "Breastfeeding in the land of Genghis Khan," the author talks about how in Western culture, we are focused on figuring out why the baby cries and therefore, the right solution. But she says, "In Mongolia, babies might cry for many reasons, but there is only ever one solution--breastfeeding." This quote pops into my mind all the time now. James wants to eat when he is hungry, obviously. But he also wants to eat when he is tired (and it puts him right to sleep), he wants to eat if he is cold (the breasts are very warm and will actually change in temperature if they sense even a one degree drop in the baby's temp), if he is uncomfortable, etc.
Never has there been a situation when James is crying, and nursing will not console him. No matter what is wrong, breastfeeding makes it better, stops the crying, and turns a fussy baby into a happy one.
Most recently and adorably, James has started to smile--but only while he is nursing (and I just see the corner of his mouth turn up as he pauses from his eating to smile about it, still latched on), or when he has finished a good meal and he is very full and content, he just smiles and smiles. I don't think it is voluntary yet, but breastfeeding makes my boy uncontrollably smile, and it is just too much for me and his Dad.
All these things are wrapping together to form a deep love of this method of feeding and the relationship that is borne out of it. I can only imagine how much I will love it when time goes on even more, and the difficulties continue to fall away while the benefits continue to stack up.
Expecting our Little Brother in November!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Top Christmas Moments
On Christmas morning, before we went downstairs to open presents, when James was so excited for Christmas that he got on my sister's bed and started jumping on the bed, only to bang his head hard on my parents low 7-foot high ceilings.
On Christmas day at my in-laws, when we dressed the baby as Santa and we all agreed that if he got any cuter we would all explode because of the cuteness.
On Christmas day when we sat all together as a new family--me in my red pajamas, James in his green pajamas, and baby James in his white snuggly pajamas, and we loved each other as we opened presents with my family.
On Christmas Eve at my parents' house, when we brought little James outside for the first time (besides just going to and from the car). He was crying and as soon as we got outside, he got so content and alert--he loved the outside and being surrounded by our family doing the annual luminary design (this year was Rudolph).
On Christmas day evening at my in-laws, when we lit the Christmas figgy pudding, and watched the blue light at it danced, and then circled around the bottom of the pudding again and again and again before it burned out, and we all decided that this would be an annual tradition.
And the top Christmas moment . . .
On Christmas Eve when my family was gathered in my parents' living room singing Christmas Carols (as we do every year), and my uncle, our guitar accompanist, asked for volunteers to sing Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah". My two sisters volunteered, and squished on the loveseat with my uncle so they could see the lyrics to sing. I was sitting on the ground breastfeeding James, but the song was so beautiful that I had to join in. So I perched on the arm of the couch while nursing James, and leaned over my sister to see the lyrics so I, too, could sing hallelujah and give praise for being so blessed.
"I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah"
Merry Christmas Everyone.
On Christmas day at my in-laws, when we dressed the baby as Santa and we all agreed that if he got any cuter we would all explode because of the cuteness.
On Christmas day when we sat all together as a new family--me in my red pajamas, James in his green pajamas, and baby James in his white snuggly pajamas, and we loved each other as we opened presents with my family.
On Christmas Eve at my parents' house, when we brought little James outside for the first time (besides just going to and from the car). He was crying and as soon as we got outside, he got so content and alert--he loved the outside and being surrounded by our family doing the annual luminary design (this year was Rudolph).
On Christmas day evening at my in-laws, when we lit the Christmas figgy pudding, and watched the blue light at it danced, and then circled around the bottom of the pudding again and again and again before it burned out, and we all decided that this would be an annual tradition.
And the top Christmas moment . . .
On Christmas Eve when my family was gathered in my parents' living room singing Christmas Carols (as we do every year), and my uncle, our guitar accompanist, asked for volunteers to sing Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah". My two sisters volunteered, and squished on the loveseat with my uncle so they could see the lyrics to sing. I was sitting on the ground breastfeeding James, but the song was so beautiful that I had to join in. So I perched on the arm of the couch while nursing James, and leaned over my sister to see the lyrics so I, too, could sing hallelujah and give praise for being so blessed.
"I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah"
Merry Christmas Everyone.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
My Big Boy in and out of Clothes and Diapers
So this morning I went through James' clothes and put away the stuff that was too small--he is already out of most of his newborn sized clothes and into 0-3, 3 month, and 3-6 month clothes.
Plus he is already too big for the 12 newborn sized prefolds that I bought when he was born and the regular sized prefolds were WAY too big. Now I've taken those out again and I bet they will fit him just fine.
Also he is almost grown out of the three extra small size happy heiny pocket diapers, and fits really nicely in the three small sized ones I have. I really like these diapers more, though, and I bet small will fit him for awhile because he has a little butt, so I've been looking for more size small happy heinys on ebay . . .
It is crazy that he's already out of his smallest sized clothes--he is growing and changing so much, I can't believe it.
Plus he is already too big for the 12 newborn sized prefolds that I bought when he was born and the regular sized prefolds were WAY too big. Now I've taken those out again and I bet they will fit him just fine.
Also he is almost grown out of the three extra small size happy heiny pocket diapers, and fits really nicely in the three small sized ones I have. I really like these diapers more, though, and I bet small will fit him for awhile because he has a little butt, so I've been looking for more size small happy heinys on ebay . . .
It is crazy that he's already out of his smallest sized clothes--he is growing and changing so much, I can't believe it.
Wearing James
I have two main baby carriers--one is the Moby wrap, and one is the Ergo.
I tried out the Ergo a couple of times, but James always wants to nurse once he's in it which I haven't figured out how to do yet.
So I've mostly been using the Moby and I really like it. This hold is called the "breastfeeding hold, I can breastfeed him while he's in there and then he usually falls asleep in a few minutes:
The moby is basically one long strip of fabric, that you fold and wrap around you so that it holds him near you. It is a little overwhelming at first, but it is already getting more automatic for me after only doing it for maybe 4-5 days now.
I tried this hold out once (the lotus hold), but it didn't support his head very well while I was moving around.
But I can see how this would be a fun hold for when he's a little older and able to hold his head up more.
The same is true for the Ergo. I can tell it is a really supportive carrier and will be better for my back once he's able to sit up better, so I'm really looking forward to using that more, too.
In general, I'm really loving baby-wearing. I'm able to clean up around the house while breastfeeding him and "holding him" and rocking him to sleep all at the same time!
I tried out the Ergo a couple of times, but James always wants to nurse once he's in it which I haven't figured out how to do yet.
So I've mostly been using the Moby and I really like it. This hold is called the "breastfeeding hold, I can breastfeed him while he's in there and then he usually falls asleep in a few minutes:
The moby is basically one long strip of fabric, that you fold and wrap around you so that it holds him near you. It is a little overwhelming at first, but it is already getting more automatic for me after only doing it for maybe 4-5 days now.
I tried this hold out once (the lotus hold), but it didn't support his head very well while I was moving around.
But I can see how this would be a fun hold for when he's a little older and able to hold his head up more.
The same is true for the Ergo. I can tell it is a really supportive carrier and will be better for my back once he's able to sit up better, so I'm really looking forward to using that more, too.
In general, I'm really loving baby-wearing. I'm able to clean up around the house while breastfeeding him and "holding him" and rocking him to sleep all at the same time!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
