So, Jamesy and I visited our cousin Emily and little cousin Ava, who is already 7 1/2 months old!
My cousin had never seen my birth video, so we watched it. I've seen it sooo many times before, but never before have I noticed . . .
an arm? Not a hand. An arm. Wow. That is really a whole arm!
Emily and I saw it together, our simultaneous gasp summing up the previous paragraph . . .
My baby crowned not only a head. He crowned an entire arm and shoulder, too. Like, when he was crowning his elbow was coming out with his head, and when the head was out the whole arm was out.
All of a sudden, all of the following things make sense.
-Why I was having shooting pains down one leg for the last month of pregnancy.
-Why the crowning/pushing stage took a relatively long time compared to the overall course of the labor. From the beginning of labor until full dilation was about 2 hours. And then from full dilation until crowing was another hour and a half. His head/arm/shoulder were out a full three contractions before I was able to push him the rest of the way out.
-Why the crowning/pushing stage were so painful for me. Now, I did have an easy birth, and the pain of crowning and pushing was actually about what I had expected it would be. But . . . now seeing what was actually happening in my vagina when I birthed this baby, it kinda makes me wonder if the next one will be a totally crazy pain-free birth or something. I can't imagine how much easier it would be to push out only a head. A head is already shaped to fit through the opening provided for the baby. An arm/shoulder/head is not smooth and round.
-Why I had a 5th degree tear.
-Potentially why james took a long time to breathe/clear his lungs. That birth presentation/posture would have put extra/incorrect/not enough pressure on his body. The vagina is meant to clamp down on the chest of the baby to expel fluids after the head is born, but maybe his presentation prevented this clamping from happening correctly. They say the first breath is the hardest to take so having extra fluid to clear or feeling an extra weight must have made it harder.
Now, someone could read this list and say these things happen to babies born in a textbook position all the time. Or maybe wonder why it even matters to me.
I like to understand. And I know myself well. Things happen for a reason. I like to understand the reasons behind things. When I saw that arm, it was like I put in the final piece of my birth experience puzzle and can see the entire picture clearly now.
I guess time will only tell. If I have another baby, in a textbook position, I would guess my labor will be closer to 3 hours than 5, and that I will not tear at all except minorly (or along the old tear), and that crowning/pushing will be a comparative breeze and my post-partum recovery will be practically non-existent. But like I said, time will tell!
Along with this realization also came some crazy birth power. Now I really feel like I could handle anything. 11 lbs baby, natural vaginal breech birth--whatever! I am woman I roar out baby.
Expecting our Little Brother in November!
Showing posts with label Home-Birth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Home-Birth. Show all posts
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The Secret of Home/Natural Birth
Thanks to commenter Katelynn for suggesting this awesome website about post-partum bodies!
On it, an anonymous poster talked about her five birth experiences, including her last one, a home birth: "I had my son on October 27, 2009. He was 8 days overdue and weighed 10lb 6oz. He was born after a literally painless 30 minute labor. If I had known how much better home-birth would be, I wouldn’t have waited so long to have one!"
I've been thinking more and more about natural/home birth. I think the home aspect DOES add something because of the level of comfort, privacy, and not having to go anywhere in labor. I also think the recovery is better because James and I were totally alone with our baby in the days after his birth--this might sound overwhelming for someone who has never done it, but it only takes this few days to LEARN YOUR BABY and build this confidence in caring for him. I know this can and does happen in the hospital too, but honestly I think having the nurses and other people there and around would make most people naturally want to ask for help or a second opinion in caring for their baby. When you don't have that option, you just do it and immediately you are the expert on your own baby, instead of someone else.
I always read these stories about how amazing natural birth was, and while I believed the stories and experiences, my mind was still infected with the popular perception that birth is inherently painful, scary, and foreign. This infection of self-doubt in my ability to birth is much too common.
Think about it--evolution and the procreation of the human species is the ultimate biological imperative. Birds evolve miraculous colors and plumes and mating rituals in order to procreation their species. Humans must be at least as good, right? What is the most important thing for the procreation of our species? The ability to give birth. Why should we doubt something that millions of years of careful "breeding" have guaranteed to work?
Well there is a history and explanation, which I won't go into now, but my birth experience eradicated the infection of doubt that I had possessed. Now I understand what those crunchy natural birth women were talking about. Birth is not something to fear. It is not inherently painful, and it is certainly not something to doubt. It's as easy as breathing--your body will do it without any help at all. All you need to do is YIELD. All you need to do is have a clean and confident mind that will not interfere with the body's imperative.
But since we are INFECTED, that is where the difficulty comes from. There is so little exposure to natural birth, it's importance or ease or even pleasure. All we see is screaming (which I admit, I did do, but it was not a scream of fear, it was a scream of power--it was like the "hiya" of a karate chop--the exercise of my gong power). All we see is women begging for their epidural as they clench their husband's arm (which I also did--but it was not a clench of pain, but a clench of power and adrenaline, like when you grip the steering wheel of your car during a racing game).
Our womanly messages have been twisted by fear and doubt, and it's a pity because we are missing out on a hormonal and spiritual experience with deep importance. I hope in my lifetime I will see a transformation of our culture's perception of birth. I am certainly going to do all I can to spread the "secret".
On it, an anonymous poster talked about her five birth experiences, including her last one, a home birth: "I had my son on October 27, 2009. He was 8 days overdue and weighed 10lb 6oz. He was born after a literally painless 30 minute labor. If I had known how much better home-birth would be, I wouldn’t have waited so long to have one!"
I've been thinking more and more about natural/home birth. I think the home aspect DOES add something because of the level of comfort, privacy, and not having to go anywhere in labor. I also think the recovery is better because James and I were totally alone with our baby in the days after his birth--this might sound overwhelming for someone who has never done it, but it only takes this few days to LEARN YOUR BABY and build this confidence in caring for him. I know this can and does happen in the hospital too, but honestly I think having the nurses and other people there and around would make most people naturally want to ask for help or a second opinion in caring for their baby. When you don't have that option, you just do it and immediately you are the expert on your own baby, instead of someone else.
I always read these stories about how amazing natural birth was, and while I believed the stories and experiences, my mind was still infected with the popular perception that birth is inherently painful, scary, and foreign. This infection of self-doubt in my ability to birth is much too common.
Think about it--evolution and the procreation of the human species is the ultimate biological imperative. Birds evolve miraculous colors and plumes and mating rituals in order to procreation their species. Humans must be at least as good, right? What is the most important thing for the procreation of our species? The ability to give birth. Why should we doubt something that millions of years of careful "breeding" have guaranteed to work?
Well there is a history and explanation, which I won't go into now, but my birth experience eradicated the infection of doubt that I had possessed. Now I understand what those crunchy natural birth women were talking about. Birth is not something to fear. It is not inherently painful, and it is certainly not something to doubt. It's as easy as breathing--your body will do it without any help at all. All you need to do is YIELD. All you need to do is have a clean and confident mind that will not interfere with the body's imperative.
But since we are INFECTED, that is where the difficulty comes from. There is so little exposure to natural birth, it's importance or ease or even pleasure. All we see is screaming (which I admit, I did do, but it was not a scream of fear, it was a scream of power--it was like the "hiya" of a karate chop--the exercise of my gong power). All we see is women begging for their epidural as they clench their husband's arm (which I also did--but it was not a clench of pain, but a clench of power and adrenaline, like when you grip the steering wheel of your car during a racing game).
Our womanly messages have been twisted by fear and doubt, and it's a pity because we are missing out on a hormonal and spiritual experience with deep importance. I hope in my lifetime I will see a transformation of our culture's perception of birth. I am certainly going to do all I can to spread the "secret".
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Birth Story
In the days before the birth I was definitely having some things that could be considered "prelabor", and I totally attribute them to getting acupuncture. My friend Craig the acupuncturist guaranteed me that his patients never go more than a few days past their due dates, and I had no reason to doubt him.
So I went on my due date, Tuesday, to get acupuncture and get a chiropractic adjustment, and this set off a string of pretty consistent Braxton Hicks contractions. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I continued to have Braxton Hicks contractions often, to feel extremely uncomfortable, to get up many times each night to pee and feeling uncomfortable, etc. We went to walk around UConn on Wednesday (?) night, and while I walked around as briskly as I could with a 9 month pregnant belly, the contractions became slightly more painful, but they would go back to just tightening as soon as I stopped walking.
On Thursday I went again for acupuncture and a chiropractic adjustment, and Thursday night the Braxton Hicks contractions continued, and I woke up several times over the night. At 4 am I realized I'd woken to pee at 2, 2:30, 3, 3:30, and 4 . . . even that was a bit much for me. I felt even more uncomfortable than normal, and thought MAYBE I was in the beginning of labor, and that, either way, I couldn't really sleep any more.
So I got up and went downstairs to watch Harry Potter, time the contractions I was feeling on the contraction master, and go online. After a few minutes of timing contractions, I took this herbal supplement that Craig (acupuncturist) had given me. Sometime after this (or maybe before, I can't quite remember), the contractions started to definitely get more painful--not just like tightening, but like something more. I couldn't sit still and started to pace around, bounce on the birth ball, and lean over our overchair during the contractions. At 5:00 or so, I started to think MAYBE this was actual labor, and at 5:40, I started texting my family to let them know--since the plan was for everyone to be here.
First I texted my sister Lauren since she lived in Brooklyn and had to take a train to my parents house (an hour to an hour and a half) and then they all had to drive another hour and a half up here. After I texted her, she called me.
"I'm pretty sure this is it." I said.
"Should I call out of work and get on a train?" she asked me.
"Well," I said, "definitely call out of work and start getting ready to go, but call me back again before you get on a train to make sure."
"Okay."
Next I texted my sister Marilyn, but she didn't call me back for a while. Just before 6, I called my Mom to let her know--and to tell her that Lauren was already on her way.
At 6, I woke up James. "I'm in labor!"
"What, really?" he said. He was pretty excited because all week he had been going to work instead of not going to work, and every morning he would ask my sleeping self:
"Okay, are you in labor?"
And I would say no. So this morning when I was in labor was pretty awesome for him.
I left him up there to go back and text my sister again. She called me back a bit later and I told her that this was it, and she should go get my sister, and she said: "Okay I'll go right now." And off she went.
James did a nice long qigong practice, thinking he would need his energy and concentration for a long day of labor. I was downstairs and the contractions started to get more intense and I started to think that I wanted his support. I went back upstairs and tried laying on my side in bed like we'd practiced in our Bradley class, and "relaxing" through a contraction. However, when the contraction hit, I could NOT stay down there.
It's interesting because I COULD say that trying to lay or sit through a contraction was excruciating, but it just wasn't like that. What I mean is that it was way less comfortable laying or sitting than it was standing, or leaning over. But the intensity of the word uncomfortable isn't right, and yet PAINFUL doesn't really hit it either. Yes it was painful, but it is such an event that you (well I) didn't think PAIN. I was excited to finally have the baby and this was the crazy rollercoaster to get me there. It was obviously uncomfortable, and I guess it WAS painful, but I brought forth life. Considering the miracle, the sensations were understandable and bearable and just part of that miracle, you know?
Anyway, so I tried laying down and relaxing through a contraction but as soon as it hit, I jumped back up and said: "NO WAY," and left James alone to practice to go back downstairs and labor by myself for another 15-20 mins. I was down there wondering what was taking him so long to get up. Finally I went back up to find him laying in bed after practicing, which he usually does for a few minutes before getting up for the day.
"You should start filling up the birth tub," I said.
"Already?" he asked me. "You could be in labor for 12 hours, we shouldn't fill it up yet."
"Okay, well, get up I need you."
So he started to get up, and went to call the midwife. This was about 7, now. Her phone went to voicemail, so he came up to ask me what he should do, and started to realize I was in pretty active labor. At this point I was bending to lean on the bed or a chair with each contraction, and trying to breathe deeply though them.
"I guess I will call Cindy," he said (our midwife's apprentice), "and have her get in touch with Kim (our midwife)."
"Worst case scenario, you can drive over to Kim's and get her," I said. Our midwife lives about five minutes from us, so I was totally not above resorting to this.
Another contraction hit me. "I want you to fill up the tub NOW," I said. "I want to get in it." This was maybe five or ten minutes after I first asked him to fill it, but it was enough time for him to start taking me seriously. We got the tub liner in, and arranged, and James started to fill it up. Then he started to change the sheets on the bed, put the plastic sheets over, and then put the sheets for the birth on top.
Each time a contraction would hit, I would tell him to come push on me. I wanted pressure on my back and on my low abdomen, too. He would squeeze me while I leaned over, or tried to bend my back straight and put pressure on my back myself. Then when the contraction was over, he would go back to what he was doing. At some point this got frantic, where he realized that there was only a few minutes for him to get all this done before another contraction would come.
In the meantime, he was also communicating with our midwives and families. The apprentice, Cindy, was on her way over, and she had talked to Kim. They decided that she would do an exam to see how dilated I was, and then she'd let Kim know.
At some point, James talked to Kim, too, and she asked how I was doing, how he was doing. "Is she able to talk through the contractions?" Kim asked him.
"Uhhhh, no," he said, "she is pretty focused at this point ..."
So Cindy got to our house, apparently at 7:35, and came upstairs--I greeted her and a minute later a contraction hit--I bent over the bed and breathed through it as James pressed on me--at this point I was definitely starting to make some "vocalizations" (ie, moaning) through them. I remember when the contraction was done I stood up and looked at Cindy.
She was like: "Oh, am I making you feel self-conscious?"
And I was like: "No not at all, I'm looking at you like, 'Well, what do you think?'"
"I'm not sure what I think," she said, "I'd like to check you."
"Okay," I said. "After the next contraction how about?"
"Okay!"
So after the next contraction, I took off my pants and underwear and laid on the bed and Cindy put her hand inside to see how my cervix was doing. As she was doing this, another contraction hit me, and I said: "Another one is coming!"
"I'd like to feel your cervix while it is happening to see what happens, if that is okay," she said.
"Ahhh, okay," I said, even though, as I'd previously mentioned, laying down seemed unbearable to me at that point.
After the contraction was done, she let me get up, and said: "Well, you are well effaced and dilated." She didn't give me a number of centimeters, which turned out to be because she thought I was already 8-9 centimeters but she thought that that couldn't be right, so she just didn't say anything. But she did go call our main midwife and tell her she'd better get over there.
This was definitely the beginning of what they call "labor land" when you really lose touch of what is going on outside and your focus turns inward. I was aware of everyone and what they were saying, but my memory wasn't recording time or events--not in the same way as everyone else.
Something people don't realize about natural birth is that pain causes the release of endorphins, and more pain releases more endorphins, and endorphins are not only more powerful than morphine, but they cause a state of dissociation that puts a barrier up between you and the pain. I honestly think that medicated childbirth is probably more scary and painful in a lot of ways because you don't have this natural high, natural painkiller--and I really think it is stronger.
So now I am working off of the midwife's notes because I was in laborland. At some point I was in the birth tub. I got in to soothe me during the contractions, and the water was really warm. James ran back and forth bringing cold water into the tub--and later, taking some water out so it didn't overflow. The water felt good but I started to feel overheated, so I got out again.
Apparently my water broke at 8:00, and at this moment I thought to myself that I was in transition. We learned in the Bradley class that transition is marked by emotional upset, and when my water broke, I was already in very intense labor and was in the middle of a contraction, and it broke with the classic splash sound like in the movies. I was leaning over the birth tub and James was pushing on me, and when the water broke I saw there was meconium in it.
For those that don't know, meconium is the baby's first poop, and if they do it before they are born, they can breathe it in, which can cause serious problems. So when I saw that meconium I got really upset. "There's meconium." I said, and I started crying and leaning on James. I sort of bawled for like a minute, and James held me and said it was okay, and that Little James was fine, and it was okay.
I was worried but I also knew that I was in the middle of a road I couldn't turn back on, and I needed to stay focused and get the job done. So after my minute of sobbing and worry I pulled myself together and just decided to move past it.
Apparently ten minutes later I started to "sound pushy"--meaning that I had an "ugh" sound during the contraction. Again, I was making a lot of noise during the contractions, but it wasn't because it was PAINFUL (though obviously it kind of was), it was more like there was this crazy thing happening inside me and I had to let it out. I honestly didn't think I would be a person who made a lot of noise while I was in labor but I did. I yelled. But oh well, it's what I was doing. I seriously was not in control, I was just along on this ride of my birth, just like James and James were. I didn't feel like I had any more say in the situation than they did.
My main midwife, Kim, got there a few minutes later--it was now 8:15. They suggested that I go sit on the toilet to help the baby come down. So I waddled over there and sat myself down. This felt especially good because I was feeling like I had to poop and though I was prepared to poop while I had the baby, since apparently this is really common, I felt a little more free to do so on the toilet. So I was on the toilet for awhile, and I did poop a little, and the baby's head did come down.
According to the midwives I was already pushing at this point, but I never thought so. It didn't feel like pushing to me--again, I was just there and trying to let my body do its thing. I would sit on the toilet but would stand up over it during a contraction and sort of squat. Again, sitting or laying down at all during the labor did not feel good.
Mariclare got there while I was on the toilet. She was a little freaked out (apparently) so James (apparently) went to talk to her and calm her down. He gave her the video camera and told her I was making noise but everything was okay.
From this point I have the record from the video camera but the way it happened from inside me was different (I feel like I keep saying that). But at least I have a clearer idea of exactly what happened from this point.
So I got off of the toilet and was leaning/hanging on James during the contractions, and the midwives said that they had brought the birth ball into the bedroom and asked if I wanted to come lean on it while I was laboring. So I waddled back into the bedroom. James' Mom got to our house at this moment and I remember being worried that she would see me naked, LOL! I had a tank top on but hadn't put anything back on my bottom half since I got out of the birth tub. Anyway, she stayed downstairs, but I remember walking back to the room quickly so that she wouldn't see me from the bottom of the stairs--I find my concern so funny at this point.
So I went back into the bedroom and labored for a bit while leaning on the birth ball which was on my bed. At some point I wanted to start squatting. I guess this was when I started feeling like I was pushing, but honestly I still didn't feel like I was "pushing", and just now I remembered learning in the Bradley class how to hold my breath and push with my chin tucked down, and it is SO funny because I never once thought of this during labor. My body was just doing it--I know I keep saying that but it's just so true.
So then I was squatting, holding on to the side of the bed--the midwives apparently put a pad under me, and eventually a mirror--I'm realizing now how cool it was that they just did whatever I wanted to do--they made suggestions but it sort of felt like they just followed me around with their stuff and took care of me whereever I was and whatever I was doing there. It's not until this moment I'm really realizing how different things would have been under a "managed care" mentality. Most of the time, I was just doing the only thing I could do--I couldn't imagine someone telling me to do something else.
So I was squatting over the mirror and really started feeling pushy (but only in retrospect)--but I wasn't looking at the mirror. So when they said they could see his head, I honestly didn't even believe them. But I guess I felt like he was getting close because there was one contraction where there was a serious burning feeling in my cervix.
At this point, they asked me if I wanted to get back in the birth tub, so I could have a waterbirth, and catch my own baby. It was that burning feeling I was thinking of when I said: "Okay, maybe it would feel good."
It took me two contractions to get from the side of the bed about two feet away into the birth tub. I didn't want to put my legs together too much because I didn't want to push him back in. When I got into the water, it did feel really soothing--and the midwives said that if I put my hand down, I could feel his head. I touched this soft and squishy thing, and asked if it was really his head and they told me it was but I honestly didn't really believe them. On the one hand, it felt too soft and squishy to be the hard round head that had been pushed into my ribs and then pelvis for months.
And honestly, on the other hand, I just didn't believe that I was so close to having him. Labor hadn't been that difficult. How could I be already at the end? Wasn't it supposed to be way harder than this? There is a moment on the birth video after they told me that it was indeed his head, when all that is running through my head, and I have the funniest look of disbelief and "woah" on my face.
After one or two more contractions, I had a little break from contractions. Maybe like 3 minutes. I relaxed in the water while the midwives tried to get everything set up. They put a mirror on the bottom of the tub to see what was going on with me. After this little break, it was time to push him out. In one or two more contractions, his head was out. I reached down to feel it and I was almost panicky--I wanted it to be over, and I also was worried about his head being out underwater while his body was still in me.
"Get him out!" I said. But the midwives told me to wait and I would push him out on my next contraction. This was honestly the only contraction where I actively and intentionally "pushed". I wanted him out. So I pushed and all of a sudden he popped out! They brought him up through my legs so I could sit down and pick him up. This was 9:06am.
It was absolutely insane to see him. I just kept saying "My Baby! My Baby!", and James and Mariclare were crying. He didn't cry at first, but his eyes and face were moving so I knew he was alive. The midwives moved his arms around and rubbed his back, and finally they told me to rub his back from the bottom up, and I rubbed him way vigorously and he took his first breath and everyone cheered.
He was very gurgly and I was worried about him--they suctioned him and then I asked them to suction him again. But eventually he started to breathe better. Because of this slow start, his 1 minute apgar was only 5, but then his 5 minute one was an 8.
He was 8 lbs, 7 ozs, and 23 inches long, and beautiful.
**************************************************************************
I can honestly say that giving birth was far easier than I thought it would be. I attribute my fast and easy labor mostly to one thing--a lack of fear. I was able to get out of my own way and let my body do what it was made to do.
I had spent many years retraining and reconditioning my mind's perception of what birth was. I cleared out the scary pictures painted by movies and popular shows like Birth Story, and replaced it with positive messages about birth, the power of the woman's body, the ease and benefit of natural birthing . . . I worked hard to release any fear of birthing and instead turn birth into something that I was excited to face--a completely unique experience--a once in a lifetime opportunity to look into my soul and find out that I was strong.
One of the best movies for this was The Business of Being Born--the births that they show in here were SO relaxing and inspiring. But my favorite favorite resource was the book Journey Into Motherhood. It is a collection of inspiring natural birth stories, written by Moms. All of these stories are different--some in the hospital, some at home, some with midwives, some with doctors, some unassisted, some planned, some unplanned, with different approaches and using different preparation methods, but they have a common message.
Birth is normal.
There is a reward that comes from birthing naturally that is worth pursuing.
Birth is not something to be afraid of.
Women are powerful.
Women's bodies know what to do.
I read this book over and over and over. While I was reading, I let these stories wash over and into my mind, take away the fear and replace it with power. Take away the misconceptions and replace them with knowledge. Take away the reticence and replace it with excitement. And replace the nervousness with confidence.
By the time I went into labor, I was the powerful woman I had read about--the Mother. I could make a baby, and I could give him life. In doing so, I would find a further power and confidence that would make me into someone capable of caring for another person. I am powerful, I am wise, and I will guide and raise this child.
So I went on my due date, Tuesday, to get acupuncture and get a chiropractic adjustment, and this set off a string of pretty consistent Braxton Hicks contractions. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I continued to have Braxton Hicks contractions often, to feel extremely uncomfortable, to get up many times each night to pee and feeling uncomfortable, etc. We went to walk around UConn on Wednesday (?) night, and while I walked around as briskly as I could with a 9 month pregnant belly, the contractions became slightly more painful, but they would go back to just tightening as soon as I stopped walking.
On Thursday I went again for acupuncture and a chiropractic adjustment, and Thursday night the Braxton Hicks contractions continued, and I woke up several times over the night. At 4 am I realized I'd woken to pee at 2, 2:30, 3, 3:30, and 4 . . . even that was a bit much for me. I felt even more uncomfortable than normal, and thought MAYBE I was in the beginning of labor, and that, either way, I couldn't really sleep any more.
So I got up and went downstairs to watch Harry Potter, time the contractions I was feeling on the contraction master, and go online. After a few minutes of timing contractions, I took this herbal supplement that Craig (acupuncturist) had given me. Sometime after this (or maybe before, I can't quite remember), the contractions started to definitely get more painful--not just like tightening, but like something more. I couldn't sit still and started to pace around, bounce on the birth ball, and lean over our overchair during the contractions. At 5:00 or so, I started to think MAYBE this was actual labor, and at 5:40, I started texting my family to let them know--since the plan was for everyone to be here.
First I texted my sister Lauren since she lived in Brooklyn and had to take a train to my parents house (an hour to an hour and a half) and then they all had to drive another hour and a half up here. After I texted her, she called me.
"I'm pretty sure this is it." I said.
"Should I call out of work and get on a train?" she asked me.
"Well," I said, "definitely call out of work and start getting ready to go, but call me back again before you get on a train to make sure."
"Okay."
Next I texted my sister Marilyn, but she didn't call me back for a while. Just before 6, I called my Mom to let her know--and to tell her that Lauren was already on her way.
At 6, I woke up James. "I'm in labor!"
"What, really?" he said. He was pretty excited because all week he had been going to work instead of not going to work, and every morning he would ask my sleeping self:
"Okay, are you in labor?"
And I would say no. So this morning when I was in labor was pretty awesome for him.
I left him up there to go back and text my sister again. She called me back a bit later and I told her that this was it, and she should go get my sister, and she said: "Okay I'll go right now." And off she went.
James did a nice long qigong practice, thinking he would need his energy and concentration for a long day of labor. I was downstairs and the contractions started to get more intense and I started to think that I wanted his support. I went back upstairs and tried laying on my side in bed like we'd practiced in our Bradley class, and "relaxing" through a contraction. However, when the contraction hit, I could NOT stay down there.
It's interesting because I COULD say that trying to lay or sit through a contraction was excruciating, but it just wasn't like that. What I mean is that it was way less comfortable laying or sitting than it was standing, or leaning over. But the intensity of the word uncomfortable isn't right, and yet PAINFUL doesn't really hit it either. Yes it was painful, but it is such an event that you (well I) didn't think PAIN. I was excited to finally have the baby and this was the crazy rollercoaster to get me there. It was obviously uncomfortable, and I guess it WAS painful, but I brought forth life. Considering the miracle, the sensations were understandable and bearable and just part of that miracle, you know?
Anyway, so I tried laying down and relaxing through a contraction but as soon as it hit, I jumped back up and said: "NO WAY," and left James alone to practice to go back downstairs and labor by myself for another 15-20 mins. I was down there wondering what was taking him so long to get up. Finally I went back up to find him laying in bed after practicing, which he usually does for a few minutes before getting up for the day.
"You should start filling up the birth tub," I said.
"Already?" he asked me. "You could be in labor for 12 hours, we shouldn't fill it up yet."
"Okay, well, get up I need you."
So he started to get up, and went to call the midwife. This was about 7, now. Her phone went to voicemail, so he came up to ask me what he should do, and started to realize I was in pretty active labor. At this point I was bending to lean on the bed or a chair with each contraction, and trying to breathe deeply though them.
"I guess I will call Cindy," he said (our midwife's apprentice), "and have her get in touch with Kim (our midwife)."
"Worst case scenario, you can drive over to Kim's and get her," I said. Our midwife lives about five minutes from us, so I was totally not above resorting to this.
Another contraction hit me. "I want you to fill up the tub NOW," I said. "I want to get in it." This was maybe five or ten minutes after I first asked him to fill it, but it was enough time for him to start taking me seriously. We got the tub liner in, and arranged, and James started to fill it up. Then he started to change the sheets on the bed, put the plastic sheets over, and then put the sheets for the birth on top.
Each time a contraction would hit, I would tell him to come push on me. I wanted pressure on my back and on my low abdomen, too. He would squeeze me while I leaned over, or tried to bend my back straight and put pressure on my back myself. Then when the contraction was over, he would go back to what he was doing. At some point this got frantic, where he realized that there was only a few minutes for him to get all this done before another contraction would come.
In the meantime, he was also communicating with our midwives and families. The apprentice, Cindy, was on her way over, and she had talked to Kim. They decided that she would do an exam to see how dilated I was, and then she'd let Kim know.
At some point, James talked to Kim, too, and she asked how I was doing, how he was doing. "Is she able to talk through the contractions?" Kim asked him.
"Uhhhh, no," he said, "she is pretty focused at this point ..."
So Cindy got to our house, apparently at 7:35, and came upstairs--I greeted her and a minute later a contraction hit--I bent over the bed and breathed through it as James pressed on me--at this point I was definitely starting to make some "vocalizations" (ie, moaning) through them. I remember when the contraction was done I stood up and looked at Cindy.
She was like: "Oh, am I making you feel self-conscious?"
And I was like: "No not at all, I'm looking at you like, 'Well, what do you think?'"
"I'm not sure what I think," she said, "I'd like to check you."
"Okay," I said. "After the next contraction how about?"
"Okay!"
So after the next contraction, I took off my pants and underwear and laid on the bed and Cindy put her hand inside to see how my cervix was doing. As she was doing this, another contraction hit me, and I said: "Another one is coming!"
"I'd like to feel your cervix while it is happening to see what happens, if that is okay," she said.
"Ahhh, okay," I said, even though, as I'd previously mentioned, laying down seemed unbearable to me at that point.
After the contraction was done, she let me get up, and said: "Well, you are well effaced and dilated." She didn't give me a number of centimeters, which turned out to be because she thought I was already 8-9 centimeters but she thought that that couldn't be right, so she just didn't say anything. But she did go call our main midwife and tell her she'd better get over there.
This was definitely the beginning of what they call "labor land" when you really lose touch of what is going on outside and your focus turns inward. I was aware of everyone and what they were saying, but my memory wasn't recording time or events--not in the same way as everyone else.
Something people don't realize about natural birth is that pain causes the release of endorphins, and more pain releases more endorphins, and endorphins are not only more powerful than morphine, but they cause a state of dissociation that puts a barrier up between you and the pain. I honestly think that medicated childbirth is probably more scary and painful in a lot of ways because you don't have this natural high, natural painkiller--and I really think it is stronger.
So now I am working off of the midwife's notes because I was in laborland. At some point I was in the birth tub. I got in to soothe me during the contractions, and the water was really warm. James ran back and forth bringing cold water into the tub--and later, taking some water out so it didn't overflow. The water felt good but I started to feel overheated, so I got out again.
Apparently my water broke at 8:00, and at this moment I thought to myself that I was in transition. We learned in the Bradley class that transition is marked by emotional upset, and when my water broke, I was already in very intense labor and was in the middle of a contraction, and it broke with the classic splash sound like in the movies. I was leaning over the birth tub and James was pushing on me, and when the water broke I saw there was meconium in it.
For those that don't know, meconium is the baby's first poop, and if they do it before they are born, they can breathe it in, which can cause serious problems. So when I saw that meconium I got really upset. "There's meconium." I said, and I started crying and leaning on James. I sort of bawled for like a minute, and James held me and said it was okay, and that Little James was fine, and it was okay.
I was worried but I also knew that I was in the middle of a road I couldn't turn back on, and I needed to stay focused and get the job done. So after my minute of sobbing and worry I pulled myself together and just decided to move past it.
Apparently ten minutes later I started to "sound pushy"--meaning that I had an "ugh" sound during the contraction. Again, I was making a lot of noise during the contractions, but it wasn't because it was PAINFUL (though obviously it kind of was), it was more like there was this crazy thing happening inside me and I had to let it out. I honestly didn't think I would be a person who made a lot of noise while I was in labor but I did. I yelled. But oh well, it's what I was doing. I seriously was not in control, I was just along on this ride of my birth, just like James and James were. I didn't feel like I had any more say in the situation than they did.
My main midwife, Kim, got there a few minutes later--it was now 8:15. They suggested that I go sit on the toilet to help the baby come down. So I waddled over there and sat myself down. This felt especially good because I was feeling like I had to poop and though I was prepared to poop while I had the baby, since apparently this is really common, I felt a little more free to do so on the toilet. So I was on the toilet for awhile, and I did poop a little, and the baby's head did come down.
According to the midwives I was already pushing at this point, but I never thought so. It didn't feel like pushing to me--again, I was just there and trying to let my body do its thing. I would sit on the toilet but would stand up over it during a contraction and sort of squat. Again, sitting or laying down at all during the labor did not feel good.
Mariclare got there while I was on the toilet. She was a little freaked out (apparently) so James (apparently) went to talk to her and calm her down. He gave her the video camera and told her I was making noise but everything was okay.
From this point I have the record from the video camera but the way it happened from inside me was different (I feel like I keep saying that). But at least I have a clearer idea of exactly what happened from this point.
So I got off of the toilet and was leaning/hanging on James during the contractions, and the midwives said that they had brought the birth ball into the bedroom and asked if I wanted to come lean on it while I was laboring. So I waddled back into the bedroom. James' Mom got to our house at this moment and I remember being worried that she would see me naked, LOL! I had a tank top on but hadn't put anything back on my bottom half since I got out of the birth tub. Anyway, she stayed downstairs, but I remember walking back to the room quickly so that she wouldn't see me from the bottom of the stairs--I find my concern so funny at this point.
So I went back into the bedroom and labored for a bit while leaning on the birth ball which was on my bed. At some point I wanted to start squatting. I guess this was when I started feeling like I was pushing, but honestly I still didn't feel like I was "pushing", and just now I remembered learning in the Bradley class how to hold my breath and push with my chin tucked down, and it is SO funny because I never once thought of this during labor. My body was just doing it--I know I keep saying that but it's just so true.
So then I was squatting, holding on to the side of the bed--the midwives apparently put a pad under me, and eventually a mirror--I'm realizing now how cool it was that they just did whatever I wanted to do--they made suggestions but it sort of felt like they just followed me around with their stuff and took care of me whereever I was and whatever I was doing there. It's not until this moment I'm really realizing how different things would have been under a "managed care" mentality. Most of the time, I was just doing the only thing I could do--I couldn't imagine someone telling me to do something else.
So I was squatting over the mirror and really started feeling pushy (but only in retrospect)--but I wasn't looking at the mirror. So when they said they could see his head, I honestly didn't even believe them. But I guess I felt like he was getting close because there was one contraction where there was a serious burning feeling in my cervix.
At this point, they asked me if I wanted to get back in the birth tub, so I could have a waterbirth, and catch my own baby. It was that burning feeling I was thinking of when I said: "Okay, maybe it would feel good."
It took me two contractions to get from the side of the bed about two feet away into the birth tub. I didn't want to put my legs together too much because I didn't want to push him back in. When I got into the water, it did feel really soothing--and the midwives said that if I put my hand down, I could feel his head. I touched this soft and squishy thing, and asked if it was really his head and they told me it was but I honestly didn't really believe them. On the one hand, it felt too soft and squishy to be the hard round head that had been pushed into my ribs and then pelvis for months.
And honestly, on the other hand, I just didn't believe that I was so close to having him. Labor hadn't been that difficult. How could I be already at the end? Wasn't it supposed to be way harder than this? There is a moment on the birth video after they told me that it was indeed his head, when all that is running through my head, and I have the funniest look of disbelief and "woah" on my face.
After one or two more contractions, I had a little break from contractions. Maybe like 3 minutes. I relaxed in the water while the midwives tried to get everything set up. They put a mirror on the bottom of the tub to see what was going on with me. After this little break, it was time to push him out. In one or two more contractions, his head was out. I reached down to feel it and I was almost panicky--I wanted it to be over, and I also was worried about his head being out underwater while his body was still in me.
"Get him out!" I said. But the midwives told me to wait and I would push him out on my next contraction. This was honestly the only contraction where I actively and intentionally "pushed". I wanted him out. So I pushed and all of a sudden he popped out! They brought him up through my legs so I could sit down and pick him up. This was 9:06am.
It was absolutely insane to see him. I just kept saying "My Baby! My Baby!", and James and Mariclare were crying. He didn't cry at first, but his eyes and face were moving so I knew he was alive. The midwives moved his arms around and rubbed his back, and finally they told me to rub his back from the bottom up, and I rubbed him way vigorously and he took his first breath and everyone cheered.
He was very gurgly and I was worried about him--they suctioned him and then I asked them to suction him again. But eventually he started to breathe better. Because of this slow start, his 1 minute apgar was only 5, but then his 5 minute one was an 8.
He was 8 lbs, 7 ozs, and 23 inches long, and beautiful.
**************************************************************************
I can honestly say that giving birth was far easier than I thought it would be. I attribute my fast and easy labor mostly to one thing--a lack of fear. I was able to get out of my own way and let my body do what it was made to do.
I had spent many years retraining and reconditioning my mind's perception of what birth was. I cleared out the scary pictures painted by movies and popular shows like Birth Story, and replaced it with positive messages about birth, the power of the woman's body, the ease and benefit of natural birthing . . . I worked hard to release any fear of birthing and instead turn birth into something that I was excited to face--a completely unique experience--a once in a lifetime opportunity to look into my soul and find out that I was strong.
One of the best movies for this was The Business of Being Born--the births that they show in here were SO relaxing and inspiring. But my favorite favorite resource was the book Journey Into Motherhood. It is a collection of inspiring natural birth stories, written by Moms. All of these stories are different--some in the hospital, some at home, some with midwives, some with doctors, some unassisted, some planned, some unplanned, with different approaches and using different preparation methods, but they have a common message.
Birth is normal.
There is a reward that comes from birthing naturally that is worth pursuing.
Birth is not something to be afraid of.
Women are powerful.
Women's bodies know what to do.
I read this book over and over and over. While I was reading, I let these stories wash over and into my mind, take away the fear and replace it with power. Take away the misconceptions and replace them with knowledge. Take away the reticence and replace it with excitement. And replace the nervousness with confidence.
By the time I went into labor, I was the powerful woman I had read about--the Mother. I could make a baby, and I could give him life. In doing so, I would find a further power and confidence that would make me into someone capable of caring for another person. I am powerful, I am wise, and I will guide and raise this child.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Breastfeeding and Labial Tear
Still haven't written my birth story, but I wanted to post a little update on how we're doing.
And mostly, we are doing good! We're really starting to get the hang of nursing, which after three years of excessive research, was still harder than I thought it would be. My nipples are painful while he is nursing, especially right at first, which is SUPPOSEDLY not supposed to happen if you have them latched "deep enough", but I have him latched as deep as I can possibly get him and it is still happening so idk.
BUT my milk seems to be coming in okay and he is spitting up occasionally, so I know he is getting enough milk. I can grin and bear it for awhile.
One SERIOUS bummer is that I apparently got a PRETTY BAD labial tear when he was born, perhaps because his head came out with a hand (I gave birth under water so they are not sure about that), or maybe just because it was a fast L+D. But I had to have stitches and I cannot really move around much at all. The first two days I stayed in bed except to use the bathroom and then yesterday I was up a little but I was feeling more pain, so today I was on the couch but I still didn't get up at all except to use the bathroom. But I have to sit up to nurse him and depending on how I'm sitting I think it can pull on the stitches a lot and it was seriously hurting a little while ago. :::sigh::: DH is going to call the midwife to come check and make sure it is healing, so I guess we'll do that tomorrow.
I honestly didn't expect the recovery to be this big of a deal, and I honestly think I would be feeling great if it weren't for the tear and/or the stitches. My Mom got here on Sunday to help us and she's staying until tomorrow (Tues) and then everyone will be back on Thursday for Thanksgiving. I really hope I am feeling better by Thanksgiving.
Sorry for the lack of more updates--I will try to do the birth story soon!!
And mostly, we are doing good! We're really starting to get the hang of nursing, which after three years of excessive research, was still harder than I thought it would be. My nipples are painful while he is nursing, especially right at first, which is SUPPOSEDLY not supposed to happen if you have them latched "deep enough", but I have him latched as deep as I can possibly get him and it is still happening so idk.
BUT my milk seems to be coming in okay and he is spitting up occasionally, so I know he is getting enough milk. I can grin and bear it for awhile.
One SERIOUS bummer is that I apparently got a PRETTY BAD labial tear when he was born, perhaps because his head came out with a hand (I gave birth under water so they are not sure about that), or maybe just because it was a fast L+D. But I had to have stitches and I cannot really move around much at all. The first two days I stayed in bed except to use the bathroom and then yesterday I was up a little but I was feeling more pain, so today I was on the couch but I still didn't get up at all except to use the bathroom. But I have to sit up to nurse him and depending on how I'm sitting I think it can pull on the stitches a lot and it was seriously hurting a little while ago. :::sigh::: DH is going to call the midwife to come check and make sure it is healing, so I guess we'll do that tomorrow.
I honestly didn't expect the recovery to be this big of a deal, and I honestly think I would be feeling great if it weren't for the tear and/or the stitches. My Mom got here on Sunday to help us and she's staying until tomorrow (Tues) and then everyone will be back on Thursday for Thanksgiving. I really hope I am feeling better by Thanksgiving.
Sorry for the lack of more updates--I will try to do the birth story soon!!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
I HAD A BABY!
I'm still in pretty good shock. James David arrived yesterday--November 19th, at 9:06 am after only 5 hours of labor.
He is 8 lbs, 7 ozs, and 23 inches long.
We totally love him! I will post a birth story soon.
He is 8 lbs, 7 ozs, and 23 inches long.
We totally love him! I will post a birth story soon.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Bedroom as Birth Room
So as I had written about earlier, one of the things we accomplished while my Mom was visiting me was to finish getting our bedroom ready for the birth and fully convert it to a "birth room".
Here's our birthing room!
We cleared off our dressers and moved them into the far end of the room so that there would be room for the labor/birth tub and for all of us to walk around it comfortably.
And here's our bed and cradle:
And a close-up of our cradle:
James' sister gave it to us, it was hand-made in the 80's. The mattress and sheets were custom ordered since the dimensions are 12 inches by 31 inches . . . ;-)
And here's a close up of some of our birth supplies:
As you can see, there are two sets of sheets--in between them is a plastic mattress cover and two plastic pillow covers. The plan for when I go into labor is to make the bed and pillows with the white and gray sheets, then to cover the mattress and pillows with the plastic covers, and then to make the bed again (over these things) with the red sheets that I will labor and birth on. After the birth is over, the red sheets will be taken off to be washed, the plastic cover will be taken off, and wahlah, our bed will be freshly made for us to lay down on. :-)
In the laundry tub there, you can see some towels--since I'll be laboring and possibly giving birth in the tub, I'll want the towels for if I want to get out of the water.
In the bottom of the laundry tub, which you can't see, are things like: tissues, paper towels, hydrogen peroxide, rubbing alcohol, ziplock bags (for the placenta, fun times), pads, etc.
Here's the other half of our birth supplies:
Here you see the hose which will attach to our shower and run into the birth tub when it is time to fill it. Then we have bleach for cleaning/sanitizing. In one of the paper bags there are 8-10 receiving blankets, and in the other paper bag is baby James' first outfit (white T-shirt, white hats, white socks, cloth diaper, and receiving blanket to be swaddled in). These two paper bags will be placed in the oven to warm when the birth is imminent, so that when he is born, he can get wrapped right away in warm blankets and then dressed in warm clothes.
Last but not least is our birth kit on the right there in the cardboard box. We just ordered this in the mail from a birth supplies distributor at the direction of our midwives. It has a variety of fun things in it--gauze pads, absorbent "chucks" pads, our birth certificate and footprinting kit, rubber gloves, etc. On top of the birth kit is the plastic birth tub liner.
So basically we are ready to go!
We probably have about five minor things we are still supposed to pick up (an unopened bottle of olive oil for perineal massage, a butterfly net for cleaning out the tub in the event of a water birth, etc), which we may end up doing on Halloween, for lack of a better day, LOL!
But yeah we are pretty much totally set. :-)
And now that we are totally set, I'm starting to get a bit antsy. Like how will I ever pass the next 2.5 weeks waiting for him to arrive?? (Probably by blogging a lot, LOL.)
0 is the number of days until I can go into labor and still have my home-birth (36 weeks)
0 is the number of days until I am full term (37 weeks)
18 is the number of days until my meaningless due date (40 weeks)
32 is the absolute maximum number of days that I could be pregnant (42 weeks)
Wow 18 days until my due date, I can't believe it!!!
Plus this whole time I've been saying 40 weeks +/- 2 weeks but that means my birth window will be here in just 4 days! Wow!
Here's our birthing room!
We cleared off our dressers and moved them into the far end of the room so that there would be room for the labor/birth tub and for all of us to walk around it comfortably.
And here's our bed and cradle:
And a close-up of our cradle:
James' sister gave it to us, it was hand-made in the 80's. The mattress and sheets were custom ordered since the dimensions are 12 inches by 31 inches . . . ;-)
And here's a close up of some of our birth supplies:
As you can see, there are two sets of sheets--in between them is a plastic mattress cover and two plastic pillow covers. The plan for when I go into labor is to make the bed and pillows with the white and gray sheets, then to cover the mattress and pillows with the plastic covers, and then to make the bed again (over these things) with the red sheets that I will labor and birth on. After the birth is over, the red sheets will be taken off to be washed, the plastic cover will be taken off, and wahlah, our bed will be freshly made for us to lay down on. :-)
In the laundry tub there, you can see some towels--since I'll be laboring and possibly giving birth in the tub, I'll want the towels for if I want to get out of the water.
In the bottom of the laundry tub, which you can't see, are things like: tissues, paper towels, hydrogen peroxide, rubbing alcohol, ziplock bags (for the placenta, fun times), pads, etc.
Here's the other half of our birth supplies:
Here you see the hose which will attach to our shower and run into the birth tub when it is time to fill it. Then we have bleach for cleaning/sanitizing. In one of the paper bags there are 8-10 receiving blankets, and in the other paper bag is baby James' first outfit (white T-shirt, white hats, white socks, cloth diaper, and receiving blanket to be swaddled in). These two paper bags will be placed in the oven to warm when the birth is imminent, so that when he is born, he can get wrapped right away in warm blankets and then dressed in warm clothes.
Last but not least is our birth kit on the right there in the cardboard box. We just ordered this in the mail from a birth supplies distributor at the direction of our midwives. It has a variety of fun things in it--gauze pads, absorbent "chucks" pads, our birth certificate and footprinting kit, rubber gloves, etc. On top of the birth kit is the plastic birth tub liner.
So basically we are ready to go!
We probably have about five minor things we are still supposed to pick up (an unopened bottle of olive oil for perineal massage, a butterfly net for cleaning out the tub in the event of a water birth, etc), which we may end up doing on Halloween, for lack of a better day, LOL!
But yeah we are pretty much totally set. :-)
And now that we are totally set, I'm starting to get a bit antsy. Like how will I ever pass the next 2.5 weeks waiting for him to arrive?? (Probably by blogging a lot, LOL.)
0 is the number of days until I can go into labor and still have my home-birth (36 weeks)
0 is the number of days until I am full term (37 weeks)
18 is the number of days until my meaningless due date (40 weeks)
32 is the absolute maximum number of days that I could be pregnant (42 weeks)
Wow 18 days until my due date, I can't believe it!!!
Plus this whole time I've been saying 40 weeks +/- 2 weeks but that means my birth window will be here in just 4 days! Wow!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
My Mom's Visit
My Mom came to visit for a few days to help me clean, cook, and generally prepare for the birth. I feel like we got a ton done which is super exciting.
She arrived on Sunday at nearly 4pm while James, Marilyn, and I were carving our pumpkins. Then as soon as we finished our pumpkins we had to run out to my friend Amy's birthday dinner. I asked Amy if I could bring my Mom along to her dinner and she said I totally could! As it turned out, her parents were there, too, so it was nice to give them a chance to meet and chat. We had a great dinner and basically turned in early when we got home.
Then on Monday we sort of had a lot going on! We had a plumber coming to our house at 9 am--he fixed our water pressure and now my washing machine that used to take nearly an hour to fill now only takes like 10 mins. I can't even believe the difference, but since we plan on cloth diapering this was a necessity before Lil James arrived!
Next we had to bring Monty to the Vet because he had a funny growth on his face that I wanted them to remove. That also went very smoothly.
Then the plan for the day was to make tomato sauce. This was a good pre-baby meal plan because pasta is easy and fast to make, and if we had some jars of canned sauce, it would be really easy for James (or other helpers) to make pasta and then just heat up some of the pre-made sauce. So before making the sauce we went to the Willi Coop to buy all the veggies we needed.
When we got home, we had lunch and then started making our sauce. At the same time we were cleaning up the kitchen, washing and putting away laundry, etc. We cut up all the veggies, stirfried them a bit and threw them in a huge stock pan to which we added many jars of diced tomatoes and crushed tomatoes and several other secret ingredients. Finally around 2 or 3 we were completely done and the sauce just needed to sit and cook a bit more.
At this point we got even more into the laundry (which desperately needed to be done) and worked on that until around 5 when I had to leave for my Bradley Class.
Then, the next day (Tuesday), we got three main things accomplished. We canned all the sauce we'd made the day before, and ended up with 13 quart size mason jars full of sauce! That will end up being more than two weeks of meals! Woohoo.
The next thing we did is FINALLY switch out our winter and summer clothes--I know I had previously blogged about attempting to do this multiple times but I think I just needed some support since the maternity aspect of it made everything that much more complicated. But we DID IT, and reorganized my clothes shelf and James' clothes drawer at the same time. Wooohooo.
Finally, we finished cleaning my bedroom (my Mom was awesome with vacuuming), and we rearranged the furniture to fit the birth tub, and then we brought all the birthing supplies into our bedroom so it is totally ready to go now!!
Last but not least we cleaned up the library, which has a guest bed in it, made the bed, and moved a bunch of the plants which had recently come inside around the room and other rooms in the house.
We got SO SO much done! Now I feel super ready for Lil James to be born! :-D
THANKS MOM!
She arrived on Sunday at nearly 4pm while James, Marilyn, and I were carving our pumpkins. Then as soon as we finished our pumpkins we had to run out to my friend Amy's birthday dinner. I asked Amy if I could bring my Mom along to her dinner and she said I totally could! As it turned out, her parents were there, too, so it was nice to give them a chance to meet and chat. We had a great dinner and basically turned in early when we got home.
Then on Monday we sort of had a lot going on! We had a plumber coming to our house at 9 am--he fixed our water pressure and now my washing machine that used to take nearly an hour to fill now only takes like 10 mins. I can't even believe the difference, but since we plan on cloth diapering this was a necessity before Lil James arrived!
Next we had to bring Monty to the Vet because he had a funny growth on his face that I wanted them to remove. That also went very smoothly.
Then the plan for the day was to make tomato sauce. This was a good pre-baby meal plan because pasta is easy and fast to make, and if we had some jars of canned sauce, it would be really easy for James (or other helpers) to make pasta and then just heat up some of the pre-made sauce. So before making the sauce we went to the Willi Coop to buy all the veggies we needed.
When we got home, we had lunch and then started making our sauce. At the same time we were cleaning up the kitchen, washing and putting away laundry, etc. We cut up all the veggies, stirfried them a bit and threw them in a huge stock pan to which we added many jars of diced tomatoes and crushed tomatoes and several other secret ingredients. Finally around 2 or 3 we were completely done and the sauce just needed to sit and cook a bit more.
At this point we got even more into the laundry (which desperately needed to be done) and worked on that until around 5 when I had to leave for my Bradley Class.
Then, the next day (Tuesday), we got three main things accomplished. We canned all the sauce we'd made the day before, and ended up with 13 quart size mason jars full of sauce! That will end up being more than two weeks of meals! Woohoo.
The next thing we did is FINALLY switch out our winter and summer clothes--I know I had previously blogged about attempting to do this multiple times but I think I just needed some support since the maternity aspect of it made everything that much more complicated. But we DID IT, and reorganized my clothes shelf and James' clothes drawer at the same time. Wooohooo.
Finally, we finished cleaning my bedroom (my Mom was awesome with vacuuming), and we rearranged the furniture to fit the birth tub, and then we brought all the birthing supplies into our bedroom so it is totally ready to go now!!
Last but not least we cleaned up the library, which has a guest bed in it, made the bed, and moved a bunch of the plants which had recently come inside around the room and other rooms in the house.
We got SO SO much done! Now I feel super ready for Lil James to be born! :-D
THANKS MOM!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
To-Do Before Baby Comes List
We've actually gotten quite a few things off of our baby list done in the last few days!
We did the following on Friday (or before):
-Buy birthing sheets (though now we need to exchange them because James got king instead of queen, but at least he made an effort!)
-Gather home birth supplies (this is a list in itself but we have almost everything now)
-Review finances through the end of the year (this is James' prep for being off of work for an entire month with only 1 week paid vacation time and the rest unpaid)
-Pick up birthing tub (borrowed from Shandra, a friend from the Willi Coop, :-)
-Get journal for baby (to record his antics)
-Use gift card at Best Buy to get digital camcorder (also to record baby antic and the birth)
-Got (some) Christmas shopping done
And then today we:
-Installed both car seats in our cars
-Ordered the liner for the birth tub
Still on the to-do list:
-Get shelf installed over changing area (this is in the works though, I have a call in to my friendly neighborhood carpenter/friend)
-Get waterproof bed cover for the bed
-Get a deep-freeze freezer for storing breastmilk and other things
-Order bio-bricks for the woodstove
-Clean/modify woodstove so it burns more efficiently
-Get woodstove inspected
-More Christmas shopping (trying to get as much done as possible before James is born)
-Find someone to lend us a space heater for the birth
-Get a air mattress insert for the guest bed
-Get a plumber to fix our washing machine so it fills more quickly
-Clean and rearrange bedroom to fit birth tub
-Get final baby stuff at Babies R Us with coupons (need to make 2 trips to use the coupons)
-Get out winter clothes/put away summer clothes
-Buy photo album for ultrasound pictures and birth/labor pictures
-Find pillbox
-Write Email to Ophelie (my good friend who I want to check in with pre-birth)
-Hang up art/mirrors which was rearranged
-Pay bills
-Make freezer/canned meals (spaghetti sauce, soup stock, lentil veggie stew, pancakes, gravy for thanksgiving)--my mom and/or sister is coming to visit me and helping me with this cooking in a couple of weeks, though . . .
-Buy birth ball
-Exchange birthing sheets
So even though there is still a lot of stuff on the to-do list, I feel like we are making good progress, and some of these things are definitely things that would be nice to do before the birth as oppose to absolutely necessary to do before the birth.
We also got a lot of raking done today, which could also have been on this list though we never actually put it on there. ;-)
We did the following on Friday (or before):
-Buy birthing sheets (though now we need to exchange them because James got king instead of queen, but at least he made an effort!)
-Gather home birth supplies (this is a list in itself but we have almost everything now)
-Review finances through the end of the year (this is James' prep for being off of work for an entire month with only 1 week paid vacation time and the rest unpaid)
-Pick up birthing tub (borrowed from Shandra, a friend from the Willi Coop, :-)
-Get journal for baby (to record his antics)
-Use gift card at Best Buy to get digital camcorder (also to record baby antic and the birth)
-Got (some) Christmas shopping done
And then today we:
-Installed both car seats in our cars
-Ordered the liner for the birth tub
Still on the to-do list:
-Get shelf installed over changing area (this is in the works though, I have a call in to my friendly neighborhood carpenter/friend)
-Get waterproof bed cover for the bed
-Get a deep-freeze freezer for storing breastmilk and other things
-Order bio-bricks for the woodstove
-Clean/modify woodstove so it burns more efficiently
-Get woodstove inspected
-More Christmas shopping (trying to get as much done as possible before James is born)
-Find someone to lend us a space heater for the birth
-Get a air mattress insert for the guest bed
-Get a plumber to fix our washing machine so it fills more quickly
-Clean and rearrange bedroom to fit birth tub
-Get final baby stuff at Babies R Us with coupons (need to make 2 trips to use the coupons)
-Get out winter clothes/put away summer clothes
-Buy photo album for ultrasound pictures and birth/labor pictures
-Find pillbox
-Write Email to Ophelie (my good friend who I want to check in with pre-birth)
-Hang up art/mirrors which was rearranged
-Pay bills
-Make freezer/canned meals (spaghetti sauce, soup stock, lentil veggie stew, pancakes, gravy for thanksgiving)--my mom and/or sister is coming to visit me and helping me with this cooking in a couple of weeks, though . . .
-Buy birth ball
-Exchange birthing sheets
So even though there is still a lot of stuff on the to-do list, I feel like we are making good progress, and some of these things are definitely things that would be nice to do before the birth as oppose to absolutely necessary to do before the birth.
We also got a lot of raking done today, which could also have been on this list though we never actually put it on there. ;-)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Numbers
12 is the number of days until I can go into labor and still have my home-birth (36 weeks)
19 is the number of days until I am full term (37 weeks)
40 is the number of days until my meaningless due date (40 weeks)
54 is the absolute maximum number of days that I could be pregnant (42 weeks)
26 is the number of things on our "to do before the baby comes" list
0 is the number of things on the list that I did today. :-/
19 is the number of days until I am full term (37 weeks)
40 is the number of days until my meaningless due date (40 weeks)
54 is the absolute maximum number of days that I could be pregnant (42 weeks)
26 is the number of things on our "to do before the baby comes" list
0 is the number of things on the list that I did today. :-/
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
First Bradley Class
So we attended our first Bradley Class last night and it was really nice! It is just us and one other couple at our teacher's house. It was nice to meet someone else about as pregnant as I am (she is due 10 days after me). They seemed really nice and we liked our teacher too.
The Bradley Series (also known as "husband-coached childbirth) is 12 weeks of classes, so we'll finish just before my due date. They think that this is how long you need to really learn the things they are teaching you, which they expect you to practice at home--things like relaxing on cue, different pregnancy exercises, etc.
This first class we learn about how to take a relaxing cue from our partner, and different pregnancy exercises such as squatting, kegels, butterfly stretching, etc.
Another thing I learned about Bradley is that it is really into the "Brewer Pregnancy Diet", which believes you should be eating 100 grams of protein a day, including several servings of milk products, 2 eggs, etc. Wait until they find out we are vegan . . . it is pretty difficult to eat that much protein as a vegan, though we get more than most people think. I counted up my protein from yesterday and I think it was about 50 grams, and I didn't even eat anything that protein-rich--I would say that was a VERY normal eating day for me. So I'm not doing too bad.
After the other couple left at the end of the class, we were chatting a bit with our teacher and told her we were going to have a homebirth, as she mentioned in the class that she had had a homebirth with her youngest son, and she freaked out on us (in a good way). She was SOOOO excited for us that she kept talking to us and didn't let us leave for another 10 mins or something, heheh. It seems like everyone who does homebirth just loves it, so that is really good to hear.
Anyway, we'll have our next class on Labor Day. Stay tuned.
The Bradley Series (also known as "husband-coached childbirth) is 12 weeks of classes, so we'll finish just before my due date. They think that this is how long you need to really learn the things they are teaching you, which they expect you to practice at home--things like relaxing on cue, different pregnancy exercises, etc.
This first class we learn about how to take a relaxing cue from our partner, and different pregnancy exercises such as squatting, kegels, butterfly stretching, etc.
Another thing I learned about Bradley is that it is really into the "Brewer Pregnancy Diet", which believes you should be eating 100 grams of protein a day, including several servings of milk products, 2 eggs, etc. Wait until they find out we are vegan . . . it is pretty difficult to eat that much protein as a vegan, though we get more than most people think. I counted up my protein from yesterday and I think it was about 50 grams, and I didn't even eat anything that protein-rich--I would say that was a VERY normal eating day for me. So I'm not doing too bad.
After the other couple left at the end of the class, we were chatting a bit with our teacher and told her we were going to have a homebirth, as she mentioned in the class that she had had a homebirth with her youngest son, and she freaked out on us (in a good way). She was SOOOO excited for us that she kept talking to us and didn't let us leave for another 10 mins or something, heheh. It seems like everyone who does homebirth just loves it, so that is really good to hear.
Anyway, we'll have our next class on Labor Day. Stay tuned.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
FOUND A MIDWIFE!!
I am thrilled to announce that James and I FINALLY found a midwife and we love her!!
Not only does she do homebirths, but she lives right in our town, literally 5 minutes from our house. She was so cute and bubbly, had over 10 years of experience, had a backup plan/doctor in case of a hospital transfer situation--she was just awesome in every way!
I love that she is her whole business--when I call her phone, she answers. When I have an appt, it is with her--and get this--she will come to MY house! Or I can go to hers! What a great excuse to clean my house once a month (at least). Lately I've really been trying to search for a personalized "doctor" experience, and let me tell you, it is difficult to find in this day and age! But James and I both unanimously loved her.
She is NOT covered by our insurance, but her fee is so reasonable that it is probably less than we would end up paying through co-pays and deductible fees with an insured person anyway. And, to me, it is so worth it to have the home-birth I want.
In my head I have been building this vision of having my baby at home for probably over a year now, and I have fallen in love with every part of it. When we were having so much trouble finding someone who would attend a home-birth, I tried to imagine my vision changing with each midwife we met with, and it just didn't seem right. I did NOT want to be driving to Hartford Hospital in the heat of labor, and I sure as hell didn't want to give birth there--their C-section rate is like 1 in 4! I don't want to be a statistic.
I have worked hard to change my vision of birth from the scary televised perception of it--to realize that birth is normal, that our bodies know what to do, that trust and the release of fear can go way farther than an epidural. Now I look forward to the transformational natural birthing experience and something in my gut told me, DEEPLY, that I would not find it at the hospital.
So James and I are both beyond thrilled. Our first (real) appt. with her is on Thursday, she will do family history and all kinds of other things with us. I am so excited.
Any nay-sayers--Watch the "Business of Being Born", and then we'll talk.
Not only does she do homebirths, but she lives right in our town, literally 5 minutes from our house. She was so cute and bubbly, had over 10 years of experience, had a backup plan/doctor in case of a hospital transfer situation--she was just awesome in every way!
I love that she is her whole business--when I call her phone, she answers. When I have an appt, it is with her--and get this--she will come to MY house! Or I can go to hers! What a great excuse to clean my house once a month (at least). Lately I've really been trying to search for a personalized "doctor" experience, and let me tell you, it is difficult to find in this day and age! But James and I both unanimously loved her.
She is NOT covered by our insurance, but her fee is so reasonable that it is probably less than we would end up paying through co-pays and deductible fees with an insured person anyway. And, to me, it is so worth it to have the home-birth I want.
In my head I have been building this vision of having my baby at home for probably over a year now, and I have fallen in love with every part of it. When we were having so much trouble finding someone who would attend a home-birth, I tried to imagine my vision changing with each midwife we met with, and it just didn't seem right. I did NOT want to be driving to Hartford Hospital in the heat of labor, and I sure as hell didn't want to give birth there--their C-section rate is like 1 in 4! I don't want to be a statistic.
I have worked hard to change my vision of birth from the scary televised perception of it--to realize that birth is normal, that our bodies know what to do, that trust and the release of fear can go way farther than an epidural. Now I look forward to the transformational natural birthing experience and something in my gut told me, DEEPLY, that I would not find it at the hospital.
So James and I are both beyond thrilled. Our first (real) appt. with her is on Thursday, she will do family history and all kinds of other things with us. I am so excited.
Any nay-sayers--Watch the "Business of Being Born", and then we'll talk.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Three Topics for Today
One--Midwives. That's right, those of you who know me well should not be surprised that James and I will be using a midwife to deliver our baby. There is an incredible amount of research out there that midwives are actually safer for mothers and babies than regular doctors in low-risk pregnancies. If I was feeling more energetic, I would find and post this research here for your perusal, but I am lazy and so it seems too difficult at the moment. Remind me later and I promise I will prove to you that midwives are a great choice for a birth attendant.
However, James and I feel as if we might have trouble finding a midwife that we like. We wanted one in a solo practice, covered by our insurance, who was willing to do a homebirth. (Yes, again, you should not be shocked that I am interested in a homebirth. Before you lose your socks, do your research, homebirth is just as safe, if not safer, than hospital birth for low-risk pregnancies.) So, we are put in the position to somehow compromise. Luckily, the fees of a homebirth midwife are generally about 1/4 of the cost of a hospital birth, and include all prenatal care as well, so if we are forced to go with someone not covered by our insurance, it would be okay.
While you reel from the news that I both plan to use a midwife AND may give birth in my own house, I'll distract you with a new topic:
Two--Telling. As I had mentioned, very few people know about the pregnancy so far. (Four, three of which are medical professionals, two of those happen to also be friends, though). All my online friends told people within minutes of the pregnancy test drying, including their parents, friends, and their network of Facebook acquaintances. As I mentioned before, given the vast array of chemical pregnancies I have gone through, my plan was always to wait.
But as the waiting got longer and longer it started to feel more and more funny to tell anyone about it. Around 8 weeks I thought I had developed a telling phobia and would not tell until people could know because of my huge belly. But then, around 9.5 weeks, I did start to have the itch to share my news with my dear friends (and there are so many of you, really).
But folks I have finally broken the telling ribbon. I hung out with Amy on Wednesday and she asked how trying to conceive was going, and I said "Well . . . " BIG SMILE.
Now, don't be jealous that you didn't find out sooner, if you are reading this and are not Amy. Basically, when I decided about a week ago that I wanted to start telling people, I thought that: 1. I wanted to tell them in person, and 2. I wanted to tell them in more of a personal setting.
James wanted to tell a table full of Norm, Jessie, Sagar, Amy, Karl, and Tim when we ate dinner with them on Sunday (before Laccone's show), but since I had told zero people, telling all those people at once scared the wits out of me. But the plan now is to tell you, dear friend, when I see you and hang out with you. Though I have been a socially withdrawn bad friend and family member (which now I can at least partly blame on bedrest), I do miss you and love you and hope to see you and tell you soon.
And another topic:
Three--Belly!! Yep, I've got a little one. James, Yaling, and Amy have assured me that it is not noticeable, but I think that is because it generally resembles my gluten belly. You see, I always have had sort of a round belly. Many of us have laughed about past photos in which I look 20 weeks pregnant--however, it turns out that this swollen belly was a reaction to gluten. When I stopped eating gluten, within a few days, my normally round belly had suddenly gone flat. I was flabbergasted. I began to notice that when I DID eat gluten, the bloated round belly would come right back. Weird, right?
Anyway, my 10 week belly very much resembles my gluten belly, and so, may not be noticeable to the untrained eye. And yet, the size 6 pants that I looked quite cute in a few months ago might as well be size 2's for how well I can button them. Luckily I have an ample supply of 8's and 10's to see me through for some time.
But fear not, dear reader, I have further proof:
I know it isn't a HUGE difference, but there is a bit of a difference. I will have to update on Sunday when we take our week 11 picture, I feel like it has really popped out this week.
Anyway, those three topics are probably enough to wrap your brain around today.
However, James and I feel as if we might have trouble finding a midwife that we like. We wanted one in a solo practice, covered by our insurance, who was willing to do a homebirth. (Yes, again, you should not be shocked that I am interested in a homebirth. Before you lose your socks, do your research, homebirth is just as safe, if not safer, than hospital birth for low-risk pregnancies.) So, we are put in the position to somehow compromise. Luckily, the fees of a homebirth midwife are generally about 1/4 of the cost of a hospital birth, and include all prenatal care as well, so if we are forced to go with someone not covered by our insurance, it would be okay.
While you reel from the news that I both plan to use a midwife AND may give birth in my own house, I'll distract you with a new topic:
Two--Telling. As I had mentioned, very few people know about the pregnancy so far. (Four, three of which are medical professionals, two of those happen to also be friends, though). All my online friends told people within minutes of the pregnancy test drying, including their parents, friends, and their network of Facebook acquaintances. As I mentioned before, given the vast array of chemical pregnancies I have gone through, my plan was always to wait.
But as the waiting got longer and longer it started to feel more and more funny to tell anyone about it. Around 8 weeks I thought I had developed a telling phobia and would not tell until people could know because of my huge belly. But then, around 9.5 weeks, I did start to have the itch to share my news with my dear friends (and there are so many of you, really).
But folks I have finally broken the telling ribbon. I hung out with Amy on Wednesday and she asked how trying to conceive was going, and I said "Well . . . " BIG SMILE.
Now, don't be jealous that you didn't find out sooner, if you are reading this and are not Amy. Basically, when I decided about a week ago that I wanted to start telling people, I thought that: 1. I wanted to tell them in person, and 2. I wanted to tell them in more of a personal setting.
James wanted to tell a table full of Norm, Jessie, Sagar, Amy, Karl, and Tim when we ate dinner with them on Sunday (before Laccone's show), but since I had told zero people, telling all those people at once scared the wits out of me. But the plan now is to tell you, dear friend, when I see you and hang out with you. Though I have been a socially withdrawn bad friend and family member (which now I can at least partly blame on bedrest), I do miss you and love you and hope to see you and tell you soon.
And another topic:
Three--Belly!! Yep, I've got a little one. James, Yaling, and Amy have assured me that it is not noticeable, but I think that is because it generally resembles my gluten belly. You see, I always have had sort of a round belly. Many of us have laughed about past photos in which I look 20 weeks pregnant--however, it turns out that this swollen belly was a reaction to gluten. When I stopped eating gluten, within a few days, my normally round belly had suddenly gone flat. I was flabbergasted. I began to notice that when I DID eat gluten, the bloated round belly would come right back. Weird, right?
Anyway, my 10 week belly very much resembles my gluten belly, and so, may not be noticeable to the untrained eye. And yet, the size 6 pants that I looked quite cute in a few months ago might as well be size 2's for how well I can button them. Luckily I have an ample supply of 8's and 10's to see me through for some time.
But fear not, dear reader, I have further proof:
I know it isn't a HUGE difference, but there is a bit of a difference. I will have to update on Sunday when we take our week 11 picture, I feel like it has really popped out this week.
Anyway, those three topics are probably enough to wrap your brain around today.
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