If you haven't heard about my blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
Getting to the end of the spring semester of my sophomore year of college . . . we had started a tent city on the campus green in protest of the "War on Terror" invasion of Iraq. We started out there as soon as we went in, March 19th, and we stayed out there for the rest of the semester . . . we might have even done it again in the fall, I forget (maybe we'll find out! Hehe).
Anyway, my poem about tent life . . .
10th April 2003
4:29pm
Current Mood: grateful
Current Music: Radiohead--2+2=5
We started this tent city in protest
A protest against the destruction of life
But I feel our purpose here has changed.
Every moment a reaffirmation
Of what life is.
I denounce your television
I denounce your stereo
I denounce your perfumes
I denounce your wardrobe
I denounce your money
(the millions spent on nothing,
billions paid and earned on wars of destruction)
I denounce your petty capitalist materialism
For this earth holds joys beyond your dollars
I denounce your ability to buy happiness
(war for peace)
I claim this happiness on behalf of the people
the animals
the trees the plants
the rocks the mountains
the skies the grounds
I claim this happiness and I will share it
for free
If you try to pay me I will laugh (priceless!)
If you try to kill me I will laugh (worthless!)
Expecting our Little Brother in November!
Showing posts with label Old School Sunday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Old School Sunday. Show all posts
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Old School Sunday: Things Start to Get Better with my Parents
If you haven't heard about my blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
Getting to the end of the spring semester of my sophomore year of college . . . here I write about how I will go to my first Yan Xin Qigong event . . .
2nd April 2003
1:13am: Email to my Parents
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Norm and Sal on Guitar--Creep by Radiohead
Dear Mom and Dad,
Mom wrote me and told me to write. Well, tonight I went to a program in the South Study Lounge that was organized by the Hall director. It was a discuss and exchange of ideas concerning the war. The head of the honors dept was there to assist, and it was run by a Philosophy professor and a philosopy Grad student. It was really interesting. We split into groups of five and discussed the issues. Then we tried to come to some points of consensus and discussed as a large group. The head of the honors dept was in my group and I met her and talked to her a lot during the discussion. She seemed impressed that I was so informed, and she said that it was important for busy college kids to take time out of their days to be responsible and informed citizens. I thought that you would be interested to hear that.
Also, this thing I read about, very interesting. "British and American coalition forces are using depleted uranium (DU) shells in the war against Iraq and deliberately flouting a United Nations resolution which classifies the munitions as illegal weapons of mass destruction." Great Britain's Sun Herald
So, how is everything with you guys? I tried to talk to mom yesterday on the IM but she left for some reason . . . Anyway, have you sold any houses? Good luck with that. Read any good books? I've just read Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac for my literature of the new consciousness Class, and I really liked what it had to say about Buddism. Alot of it sound like what I've been discovering lately. Like I've been thinking about what a soul is, or an aura if you want to think of it like that. Your "Holy Spirit" your soul, your energy, your qi, whatever you want to call it. And How every person has one, but also every tree, every living thing, every object. Everything has and is energy. Everything at the base level is just waves. And How the earth also has an aura, an energy field. It is made by the sun and contained by the earth's gravity And it is huge and powerful and when you lay on the ground and breathe in you can feel it, you know. Like when you sleep outside on the ground you wake up feeling so fresh and healthy. And So all of this means that all of us and our souls or auras are all connected and overlapping with the earth's energy. Which means that self, seperating your aura and your energy out from the rest and labeling it accessable to your mind and control, is all an allusion. And if you choose to think about it differently, the whole earth is just part of and a continuation of yourself. Anyway, so I was thinking this and Dharma Bums really spoke to that and I really liked it. Also, this has a lot to do with what Qi-Gong says--that once we realize that we can access the energy of the earth, that limiting ourselves in anyway is un-necessary. Also, I'm probably going to Yale with Laccone on Saturday. He is going to this qi-gong event, and I asked him last week to ask his qi-gong leader about the possibility of joining the group even tho it is supposed to be closed to membership at this time. And he said that he didn't know if I could join, but he suggested that Laccone bring me to the event on Saturday, because you are allowed to bring interested people if you want to. So I think I am going. I'll let you know how that goes.
So I hope I didn't loose you with the auras and all that. I don't know how much you know about Buddism. So let me know how things are.
Love Adrienne
Later the same day, I talk to my Dad on AIM about my feelings about emerging adulthood and the new responsibilities I've inherited . . .
5:27pm: Honesty
Current Music: Salmun playing Street Spirit by Radiohead
AdriN2001: hey dad
CT Golden1: hi a....hows it going?
AdriN2001: Alright
CT Golden1: good....going to boston withy us and grandma M
AdriN2001: Yeah
CT Golden1: withy us...haha
AdriN2001: You know Dad, I get really stressed out about life and you and mom make me even more stressed out and I wish you wouldn't
AdriN2001: It's like you think I don't worry about these things on my own and so you have to make me worry about them
CT Golden1: you wouldnt get so stressed out if you were more organized and didnt waste so much time on things that arent important
AdriN2001: They are
AdriN2001: The head of the honors dept thinks so
AdriN2001: I have someone to back me up
CT Golden1: do they teach any classes in time management...if so you should take it
AdriN2001: I don't waste time dad
CT Golden1: also try keeping a daytimer and carry it to remind you of things that you have commited to
AdriN2001: I don't watch TV, I don't hang out with people for large amounts of time. I am always trying to prioritize and get as much done as possible
CT Golden1: I can only go by the time I see you...and then you do very,very little
AdriN2001: Well I'm on break
AdriN2001: It's just that I feel sort of helpless
CT Golden1: its that time of the semester that with 17 units you probably pulling your hair out
CT Golden1: tried to warn you against it
AdriN2001: Like I feel like everythings moving at such a fast pace and it's like no one asked me if I wanted to grow up so fast or if I wanted so much responsibility all at once
CT Golden1: I remember when I was in my junior year...I almost quit school...went thru a period of deep depression...hope it wont happen to you
AdriN2001: Well you puttting so much pressure on me certainly isn't helping
CT Golden1: what pressure are you talking about?
CT Golden1: do you want some sound advise?
AdriN2001: No
CT Golden1: fine...whats the presure?
AdriN2001: I just feel like you and mom are always bothering me about money and what job I'm going to have and stuff and I already worry about that stuff CONSTANTLY, and it isn't really good to be told that the unbearable amount that I already worry isn't enough worrying
AdriN2001: Because if I worried any more I would just snap, so I almost feel like you want to push me over the edge or something
CT Golden1: are you having financial problems?
AdriN2001: I don't think so, I mean, I'll be able to give you everything I owe you before the end of the year
CT Golden1: I'm not worried about that....ok...does that make you feel better
CT Golden1: how about if I tell you how proud I am of you...will that make you feel better
AdriN2001: lol
CT Golden1: how much I love you
CT Golden1: Their is one thing I can tell you for sure
AdriN2001: not if you don't mean it and you really aren't pround of me because you think that how I'm doing at school is horrible and that the things that I am passionate about are pointless
CT Golden1: I dont think your doing horrible....I just know that you can do much better
CT Golden1: and I expect someone who is as intelligent as you to do better
CT Golden1: Life is a bitch Adrienne, and if you think collage is tough....just wait....you havent seen anything yet
AdriN2001: Well it's just like I know I can do better too but so much worrying makes me freeze up and not be able to accomplish anything
CT Golden1: try managing a career and raising a family....when your not only responsible for yourself but everyone else too
AdriN2001: I know
AdriN2001: And I'm stressed out about that too
AdriN2001: And it hasn't even happened yet
CT Golden1: you need to stop worrying and start doing what needs to be done....sit down...make a list and remove things from it when they are accomplished
CT Golden1: whats happening is very common
AdriN2001: It's like I used to think of being grownup as walking through a gateway where there are two distinct sides but I'm beginning to realize that things go on and on, and you are never grown-up and suddenly all-knowing but you just sort of stumble through life and somewhere along you grab a wife and kids and you are still blind as ever, and then trying to teach your kids when you never feel like you ever learned anything yourself
CT Golden1: your constantly thinking of what you need to do....just do it and dont do anything else until you get a handle on it....no extra-curricular
CT Golden1: walk......I think you do walk already alot....its good to do
AdriN2001: Alright Dad I have to go but thanks for the advice and thanks for listening
CT Golden1: when I told my father I was going to quit school
CT Golden1: he didnt get mad....he never really would say alot
CT Golden1: he just said that he though I should hang in and finish....he thought I should.....I really miss him
CT Golden1: ok...bye
CT Golden1: love you
CT Golden1 signed off at 4:54:06 PM.
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
Getting to the end of the spring semester of my sophomore year of college . . . here I write about how I will go to my first Yan Xin Qigong event . . .
2nd April 2003
1:13am: Email to my Parents
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Norm and Sal on Guitar--Creep by Radiohead
Dear Mom and Dad,
Mom wrote me and told me to write. Well, tonight I went to a program in the South Study Lounge that was organized by the Hall director. It was a discuss and exchange of ideas concerning the war. The head of the honors dept was there to assist, and it was run by a Philosophy professor and a philosopy Grad student. It was really interesting. We split into groups of five and discussed the issues. Then we tried to come to some points of consensus and discussed as a large group. The head of the honors dept was in my group and I met her and talked to her a lot during the discussion. She seemed impressed that I was so informed, and she said that it was important for busy college kids to take time out of their days to be responsible and informed citizens. I thought that you would be interested to hear that.
Also, this thing I read about, very interesting. "British and American coalition forces are using depleted uranium (DU) shells in the war against Iraq and deliberately flouting a United Nations resolution which classifies the munitions as illegal weapons of mass destruction." Great Britain's Sun Herald
So, how is everything with you guys? I tried to talk to mom yesterday on the IM but she left for some reason . . . Anyway, have you sold any houses? Good luck with that. Read any good books? I've just read Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac for my literature of the new consciousness Class, and I really liked what it had to say about Buddism. Alot of it sound like what I've been discovering lately. Like I've been thinking about what a soul is, or an aura if you want to think of it like that. Your "Holy Spirit" your soul, your energy, your qi, whatever you want to call it. And How every person has one, but also every tree, every living thing, every object. Everything has and is energy. Everything at the base level is just waves. And How the earth also has an aura, an energy field. It is made by the sun and contained by the earth's gravity And it is huge and powerful and when you lay on the ground and breathe in you can feel it, you know. Like when you sleep outside on the ground you wake up feeling so fresh and healthy. And So all of this means that all of us and our souls or auras are all connected and overlapping with the earth's energy. Which means that self, seperating your aura and your energy out from the rest and labeling it accessable to your mind and control, is all an allusion. And if you choose to think about it differently, the whole earth is just part of and a continuation of yourself. Anyway, so I was thinking this and Dharma Bums really spoke to that and I really liked it. Also, this has a lot to do with what Qi-Gong says--that once we realize that we can access the energy of the earth, that limiting ourselves in anyway is un-necessary. Also, I'm probably going to Yale with Laccone on Saturday. He is going to this qi-gong event, and I asked him last week to ask his qi-gong leader about the possibility of joining the group even tho it is supposed to be closed to membership at this time. And he said that he didn't know if I could join, but he suggested that Laccone bring me to the event on Saturday, because you are allowed to bring interested people if you want to. So I think I am going. I'll let you know how that goes.
So I hope I didn't loose you with the auras and all that. I don't know how much you know about Buddism. So let me know how things are.
Love Adrienne
Later the same day, I talk to my Dad on AIM about my feelings about emerging adulthood and the new responsibilities I've inherited . . .
5:27pm: Honesty
Current Music: Salmun playing Street Spirit by Radiohead
AdriN2001: hey dad
CT Golden1: hi a....hows it going?
AdriN2001: Alright
CT Golden1: good....going to boston withy us and grandma M
AdriN2001: Yeah
CT Golden1: withy us...haha
AdriN2001: You know Dad, I get really stressed out about life and you and mom make me even more stressed out and I wish you wouldn't
AdriN2001: It's like you think I don't worry about these things on my own and so you have to make me worry about them
CT Golden1: you wouldnt get so stressed out if you were more organized and didnt waste so much time on things that arent important
AdriN2001: They are
AdriN2001: The head of the honors dept thinks so
AdriN2001: I have someone to back me up
CT Golden1: do they teach any classes in time management...if so you should take it
AdriN2001: I don't waste time dad
CT Golden1: also try keeping a daytimer and carry it to remind you of things that you have commited to
AdriN2001: I don't watch TV, I don't hang out with people for large amounts of time. I am always trying to prioritize and get as much done as possible
CT Golden1: I can only go by the time I see you...and then you do very,very little
AdriN2001: Well I'm on break
AdriN2001: It's just that I feel sort of helpless
CT Golden1: its that time of the semester that with 17 units you probably pulling your hair out
CT Golden1: tried to warn you against it
AdriN2001: Like I feel like everythings moving at such a fast pace and it's like no one asked me if I wanted to grow up so fast or if I wanted so much responsibility all at once
CT Golden1: I remember when I was in my junior year...I almost quit school...went thru a period of deep depression...hope it wont happen to you
AdriN2001: Well you puttting so much pressure on me certainly isn't helping
CT Golden1: what pressure are you talking about?
CT Golden1: do you want some sound advise?
AdriN2001: No
CT Golden1: fine...whats the presure?
AdriN2001: I just feel like you and mom are always bothering me about money and what job I'm going to have and stuff and I already worry about that stuff CONSTANTLY, and it isn't really good to be told that the unbearable amount that I already worry isn't enough worrying
AdriN2001: Because if I worried any more I would just snap, so I almost feel like you want to push me over the edge or something
CT Golden1: are you having financial problems?
AdriN2001: I don't think so, I mean, I'll be able to give you everything I owe you before the end of the year
CT Golden1: I'm not worried about that....ok...does that make you feel better
CT Golden1: how about if I tell you how proud I am of you...will that make you feel better
AdriN2001: lol
CT Golden1: how much I love you
CT Golden1: Their is one thing I can tell you for sure
AdriN2001: not if you don't mean it and you really aren't pround of me because you think that how I'm doing at school is horrible and that the things that I am passionate about are pointless
CT Golden1: I dont think your doing horrible....I just know that you can do much better
CT Golden1: and I expect someone who is as intelligent as you to do better
CT Golden1: Life is a bitch Adrienne, and if you think collage is tough....just wait....you havent seen anything yet
AdriN2001: Well it's just like I know I can do better too but so much worrying makes me freeze up and not be able to accomplish anything
CT Golden1: try managing a career and raising a family....when your not only responsible for yourself but everyone else too
AdriN2001: I know
AdriN2001: And I'm stressed out about that too
AdriN2001: And it hasn't even happened yet
CT Golden1: you need to stop worrying and start doing what needs to be done....sit down...make a list and remove things from it when they are accomplished
CT Golden1: whats happening is very common
AdriN2001: It's like I used to think of being grownup as walking through a gateway where there are two distinct sides but I'm beginning to realize that things go on and on, and you are never grown-up and suddenly all-knowing but you just sort of stumble through life and somewhere along you grab a wife and kids and you are still blind as ever, and then trying to teach your kids when you never feel like you ever learned anything yourself
CT Golden1: your constantly thinking of what you need to do....just do it and dont do anything else until you get a handle on it....no extra-curricular
CT Golden1: walk......I think you do walk already alot....its good to do
AdriN2001: Alright Dad I have to go but thanks for the advice and thanks for listening
CT Golden1: when I told my father I was going to quit school
CT Golden1: he didnt get mad....he never really would say alot
CT Golden1: he just said that he though I should hang in and finish....he thought I should.....I really miss him
CT Golden1: ok...bye
CT Golden1: love you
CT Golden1 signed off at 4:54:06 PM.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Old School Sunday: Worry
If you haven't heard about my blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
In the middle of the spring semester of my sophomore year of college . . . we were newly at War in Iraq, and I am working my butt off to try to pay for school, books, and life . . .
23rd March 2003
3:47pm
Current Mood: depressed
I worry a lot. Sometimes it seems like the only thing I do. It hold me captive, immobile. I can't move. I can't think. I can't act. I just worry. I check the amount of my next paycheck everyday.
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
In the middle of the spring semester of my sophomore year of college . . . we were newly at War in Iraq, and I am working my butt off to try to pay for school, books, and life . . .
23rd March 2003
3:47pm
Current Mood: depressed
I worry a lot. Sometimes it seems like the only thing I do. It hold me captive, immobile. I can't move. I can't think. I can't act. I just worry. I check the amount of my next paycheck everyday.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Old School Sunday: Shame and Nakedness
If you haven't heard about my blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
In the middle of the spring semester of my sophomore year in college, I rant via AIM to a friend . . .
13th March 2003
2:55am
Current Mood: melancholy
AdriN2001: You know what I think alot?
SCS1NMY574: what?
AdriN2001: How much of life and human interaction is a lie. Just a farce
AdriN2001: People are so afraid
AdriN2001: Afraid to be real, afraid to find what real is
AdriN2001: It's so so stupid
AdriN2001: And TV and media and our parents and our friends and everything and everyone doesn't help
AdriN2001: Everything just makes it worse
AdriN2001: Reinforces its validity
SCS1NMY574: so what are oyu going to do about it?
AdriN2001: I don't know what I can do except live my life to reflect that I reject that
AdriN2001: I reject this worlds stupidity
AdriN2001: I reject this lie
SCS1NMY574: thatsright sista
AdriN2001: haha
AdriN2001: I really hate it though
AdriN2001: SO SO SO much energy is devoted to deception
SCS1NMY574: yeah but its really only natural, to a degree
AdriN2001: It ISN'T
AdriN2001: Why is it?
SCS1NMY574: dont ask me, i just typed it
AdriN2001: ha
AdriN2001: I can't see how it's natural
AdriN2001: Adam and Eve don't naturally feel shame
AdriN2001: They are taught it by the serpent
AdriN2001: Little kids aren't ashamed. They are taught it by society
SCS1NMY574: tru, but this is nothing new, if it stems back so far, to adam and eve, isnt this almost considered inate(sp)
AdriN2001: No that's the whole point of the story
AdriN2001: It isn't innate
SCS1NMY574: whatever, i guess i dont know the story
AdriN2001: Using nakedness as an example, there are plenty of societies where nakedness is perfectly acceptable. There is no shame in nakedness in those societies
AdriN2001: Shame is something we are TAUGHT
AdriN2001: That's SO SO horrible. What a bad and unnecessary emotion
SCS1NMY574: well the majority of what we are taught is so so horrible
AdriN2001: True dat
SCS1NMY574: nothing is really right or great
AdriN2001: Did you know that . . . hold on
AdriN2001: In Figi, there was no TV
AdriN2001: in 1995
SCS1NMY574: where?
AdriN2001: Figi. In 1995--13% of adolescent girls were at risk for developing an eating disorder
AdriN2001: Then Figi got TV
AdriN2001: Over a course of three years, there was a 50% increase in girls who thought they were fat
SCS1NMY574: shizat
AdriN2001: And in 1998--only three years later--39% of adolescent girls were at risk for developing an eating disorder
AdriN2001: Can you imagine how beautiful those little Figi girls were? Are? Can you imagine how lovely their skin is? And emaciated sunken cheeks models have unknowingly convinced them that they are not at all lovely
AdriN2001: That is so sad
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
In the middle of the spring semester of my sophomore year in college, I rant via AIM to a friend . . .
13th March 2003
2:55am
Current Mood: melancholy
AdriN2001: You know what I think alot?
SCS1NMY574: what?
AdriN2001: How much of life and human interaction is a lie. Just a farce
AdriN2001: People are so afraid
AdriN2001: Afraid to be real, afraid to find what real is
AdriN2001: It's so so stupid
AdriN2001: And TV and media and our parents and our friends and everything and everyone doesn't help
AdriN2001: Everything just makes it worse
AdriN2001: Reinforces its validity
SCS1NMY574: so what are oyu going to do about it?
AdriN2001: I don't know what I can do except live my life to reflect that I reject that
AdriN2001: I reject this worlds stupidity
AdriN2001: I reject this lie
SCS1NMY574: thatsright sista
AdriN2001: haha
AdriN2001: I really hate it though
AdriN2001: SO SO SO much energy is devoted to deception
SCS1NMY574: yeah but its really only natural, to a degree
AdriN2001: It ISN'T
AdriN2001: Why is it?
SCS1NMY574: dont ask me, i just typed it
AdriN2001: ha
AdriN2001: I can't see how it's natural
AdriN2001: Adam and Eve don't naturally feel shame
AdriN2001: They are taught it by the serpent
AdriN2001: Little kids aren't ashamed. They are taught it by society
SCS1NMY574: tru, but this is nothing new, if it stems back so far, to adam and eve, isnt this almost considered inate(sp)
AdriN2001: No that's the whole point of the story
AdriN2001: It isn't innate
SCS1NMY574: whatever, i guess i dont know the story
AdriN2001: Using nakedness as an example, there are plenty of societies where nakedness is perfectly acceptable. There is no shame in nakedness in those societies
AdriN2001: Shame is something we are TAUGHT
AdriN2001: That's SO SO horrible. What a bad and unnecessary emotion
SCS1NMY574: well the majority of what we are taught is so so horrible
AdriN2001: True dat
SCS1NMY574: nothing is really right or great
AdriN2001: Did you know that . . . hold on
AdriN2001: In Figi, there was no TV
AdriN2001: in 1995
SCS1NMY574: where?
AdriN2001: Figi. In 1995--13% of adolescent girls were at risk for developing an eating disorder
AdriN2001: Then Figi got TV
AdriN2001: Over a course of three years, there was a 50% increase in girls who thought they were fat
SCS1NMY574: shizat
AdriN2001: And in 1998--only three years later--39% of adolescent girls were at risk for developing an eating disorder
AdriN2001: Can you imagine how beautiful those little Figi girls were? Are? Can you imagine how lovely their skin is? And emaciated sunken cheeks models have unknowingly convinced them that they are not at all lovely
AdriN2001: That is so sad
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Old School Sunday: What I said to Kook
If you haven't heard about my blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
In the middle of the spring semester of my sophomore year, thinking a lot about God and spirituality . . .
11th March 2003
9:12pm
Current Mood: thoughtful
Everyone is lonely. Everyone is alone. Everyone is the same. We like to pretend and create these individual existences, but what no one is saying is that SELF is a farce. There is only one mind. Some people call it god. Some people call it qi, or energy. The truth is, it's just US. It's everyone in the world, a common mind, a common soul, a common energy. It's life. Do not be lonely. You are everyone.
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
In the middle of the spring semester of my sophomore year, thinking a lot about God and spirituality . . .
11th March 2003
9:12pm
Current Mood: thoughtful
Everyone is lonely. Everyone is alone. Everyone is the same. We like to pretend and create these individual existences, but what no one is saying is that SELF is a farce. There is only one mind. Some people call it god. Some people call it qi, or energy. The truth is, it's just US. It's everyone in the world, a common mind, a common soul, a common energy. It's life. Do not be lonely. You are everyone.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Old School Sunday: Anti-War Rally, 2.15.2003
If you haven't heard about my blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
In the spring semester of my sophomore year at college, we were about to invade Iraq, and the world united for the largest simultaneous protest ever recorded. I joined friends in NYC, and others gathered in Rome, San Francisco, London, Paris . . . and more and more . . . and still we went. And there we remain, fighting ghosts.
(Photo by Mariclare)
February 15th, 2003
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
In the spring semester of my sophomore year at college, we were about to invade Iraq, and the world united for the largest simultaneous protest ever recorded. I joined friends in NYC, and others gathered in Rome, San Francisco, London, Paris . . . and more and more . . . and still we went. And there we remain, fighting ghosts.
(Photo by Mariclare)
February 15th, 2003
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Old School Sunday: War on Valentine's Day
If you haven't heard about my blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
In the spring semester of my sophomore year at college, we were about to invade Iraq and my head was swimming. I wake up to find a message from Greg left for me on AIM, and it helps me pull myself together and feel more hopeful...
14th February 2003
12:38pm: Found Upon Awakening
Current Mood: contemplative
Auto response from AdriN2001 (9:16:51 AM): Someone please stop this war. If there is a God . . .
DebilNoxin (9:16:51 AM): War: It's the same goddamn hellish thing over and over again
DebilNoxin (9:17:10 AM): remember when they said that WWI was the war to end all wars?
DebilNoxin (9:17:31 AM): that the sheer inhumanity and brutality was enough to stop nations from ever killing again?
DebilNoxin (9:18:07 AM): and how fifteen years later there was another world war even more blood-drenched and demonic?
DebilNoxin (9:18:55 AM): and the wars and genocides and terrorist attcks in the years since have only grown more and more frequent and more and more murderous?
DebilNoxin (9:19:11 AM): war is the same goddamn hellish thing over and over again.
DebilNoxin (9:20:05 AM): we may never be freed from the cycle
12:55pm: What I Keep Saying to Myself
Current Mood: hopeful
But you have to remember--and it's hard when things like this happen--but you have to remember that evil is spawned out of goodness, and vice-versa. And although the measure of evil in this world right now is very great, there are continual redemptions. And the joy and love and beauty and wonder that exist here are also very great--greater, I would hope. And although they aren't plastered all over the news like the horror and violence are, you have to believe, you have to have faith, that those things are there, waiting for your moment of discovery.
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
In the spring semester of my sophomore year at college, we were about to invade Iraq and my head was swimming. I wake up to find a message from Greg left for me on AIM, and it helps me pull myself together and feel more hopeful...
14th February 2003
12:38pm: Found Upon Awakening
Current Mood: contemplative
Auto response from AdriN2001 (9:16:51 AM): Someone please stop this war. If there is a God . . .
DebilNoxin (9:16:51 AM): War: It's the same goddamn hellish thing over and over again
DebilNoxin (9:17:10 AM): remember when they said that WWI was the war to end all wars?
DebilNoxin (9:17:31 AM): that the sheer inhumanity and brutality was enough to stop nations from ever killing again?
DebilNoxin (9:18:07 AM): and how fifteen years later there was another world war even more blood-drenched and demonic?
DebilNoxin (9:18:55 AM): and the wars and genocides and terrorist attcks in the years since have only grown more and more frequent and more and more murderous?
DebilNoxin (9:19:11 AM): war is the same goddamn hellish thing over and over again.
DebilNoxin (9:20:05 AM): we may never be freed from the cycle
12:55pm: What I Keep Saying to Myself
Current Mood: hopeful
But you have to remember--and it's hard when things like this happen--but you have to remember that evil is spawned out of goodness, and vice-versa. And although the measure of evil in this world right now is very great, there are continual redemptions. And the joy and love and beauty and wonder that exist here are also very great--greater, I would hope. And although they aren't plastered all over the news like the horror and violence are, you have to believe, you have to have faith, that those things are there, waiting for your moment of discovery.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Old School Sunday: Cory
If you haven't heard about my new blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
In the spring semester of my sophomore year--we are about to invade Iraq . . .
12th February 2003
10:42pm
So I am a supervisor in the dining hall. Some of the supervisors think that being a supervisor means they make everyone else work while they do nothing. Other supervisors think that it means that they should work extra extra hard. I just like to watch out for everyone's well-being. I don't like to see my employees upset, sad, sick, lonely, bored . . . I try to keep everyone upbeat and happy. Today, one of my students was out. I thought he was sick. He isn't sick. He has been called into active duty. When I was told this, in the office at South Dining Hall, I almost burst into tears. However, I managed to hold the tears down until I got out of the office. Then they flowed like a swelled river. I don't know this boy particularly well. I'm just his boss. But I try to look after him. But I can't look after him now. He isn't at school. He isn't at work. He isn't on campus. He's probably on a bus--or being trained to fight a war. He's a kid--I'M HIS BOSS AND HE IS FIGHTING A WAR. I cried and cried and cried. This is so wrong. This is so wrong that this boy is not in school and not at work. I hate the world.
And now in which I attack my father's political views with histrionics . . .
13th February 2003
11:24am
Current Mood: nauseated
AdriN2001 (11:08:18 AM): Dad
AdriN2001 (11:08:57 AM): This kid at the dining hall--Cory--I'm his boss,
AdriN2001 (11:09:17 AM): and he wasn't at work yesterday and I thought he was sick but he GOT SHIPPED OUT
AdriN2001 (11:09:20 AM): DAD
AdriN2001 (11:09:45 AM): THIS BOY is fighting a meaningless war when he should be at school and at work
AdriN2001 (11:10:08 AM): I'M HIS BOSS DAD and he's fighting a war
AdriN2001 (11:10:24 AM): Can you have mom call me tonight? I'm extremely upset
AdriN2001 (11:10:37 AM): I might never see him again
AdriN2001 (11:10:43 AM): Just like that
AdriN2001 (11:10:47 AM): I didn't say goodbye
CT Golden1 (11:11:46 AM): sorry to hear that A...calm downh
AdriN2001 (11:13:08 AM): I just can't believe it
AdriN2001 (11:13:16 AM): I kept trying to deny that this was real
AdriN2001 (11:13:24 AM): But people are leaving who might never come back
AdriN2001 (11:13:46 AM): I don't know how people can be supporting this war when their CHILDREN ARE LEAVING
AdriN2001 (11:14:36 AM): How many deaths is it going to take until everyone starts realizing this war is STUPID AND POINTLESS AND NOT WORTH IT
AdriN2001 (11:14:46 AM): How many people died in Vietnam?
AdriN2001 (11:14:53 AM): Is it going to be that many again?
AdriN2001 (11:15:09 AM): Is Dave and Joshy going to be drafted?
AdriN2001 (11:15:11 AM): Are you?
AdriN2001 (11:17:23 AM): Are you Daddy . . . PLEASE STOP THIS
AdriN2001 (11:17:35 AM): PLEASE STOP IT I HATE IT I HATE IT
AdriN2001 (11:17:54 AM): We teach our children to talk it out and yet we support this
AdriN2001 (11:18:15 AM): We are better than this and smarter
AdriN2001 (11:18:24 AM): You should be smarter than to think this is right
AdriN2001 (11:18:32 AM): It's wronger than anything
AdriN2001 (11:19:20 AM): It makes us Saddam.
AdriN2001 (11:19:34 AM): We become him in our quest against fear
AdriN2001 (11:21:12 AM): Because 911 happened and something had to give. Because people started to question whether Bush had a "legitimate claim" to the throne of our nation and a distraction was needed and oil was needed and 911 happened and so we became as bad as Saddam
AdriN2001 (11:21:22 AM): Worse because we should have learned the first time
AdriN2001 (11:21:49 AM): And it's ABSOLUTELY WRONG AND HORRIBLE AND PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE FOR THAT
AdriN2001 (11:21:54 AM): They already are
CT Golden1 signed off at 11:22:16 AM.
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
In the spring semester of my sophomore year--we are about to invade Iraq . . .
12th February 2003
10:42pm
So I am a supervisor in the dining hall. Some of the supervisors think that being a supervisor means they make everyone else work while they do nothing. Other supervisors think that it means that they should work extra extra hard. I just like to watch out for everyone's well-being. I don't like to see my employees upset, sad, sick, lonely, bored . . . I try to keep everyone upbeat and happy. Today, one of my students was out. I thought he was sick. He isn't sick. He has been called into active duty. When I was told this, in the office at South Dining Hall, I almost burst into tears. However, I managed to hold the tears down until I got out of the office. Then they flowed like a swelled river. I don't know this boy particularly well. I'm just his boss. But I try to look after him. But I can't look after him now. He isn't at school. He isn't at work. He isn't on campus. He's probably on a bus--or being trained to fight a war. He's a kid--I'M HIS BOSS AND HE IS FIGHTING A WAR. I cried and cried and cried. This is so wrong. This is so wrong that this boy is not in school and not at work. I hate the world.
And now in which I attack my father's political views with histrionics . . .
13th February 2003
11:24am
Current Mood: nauseated
AdriN2001 (11:08:18 AM): Dad
AdriN2001 (11:08:57 AM): This kid at the dining hall--Cory--I'm his boss,
AdriN2001 (11:09:17 AM): and he wasn't at work yesterday and I thought he was sick but he GOT SHIPPED OUT
AdriN2001 (11:09:20 AM): DAD
AdriN2001 (11:09:45 AM): THIS BOY is fighting a meaningless war when he should be at school and at work
AdriN2001 (11:10:08 AM): I'M HIS BOSS DAD and he's fighting a war
AdriN2001 (11:10:24 AM): Can you have mom call me tonight? I'm extremely upset
AdriN2001 (11:10:37 AM): I might never see him again
AdriN2001 (11:10:43 AM): Just like that
AdriN2001 (11:10:47 AM): I didn't say goodbye
CT Golden1 (11:11:46 AM): sorry to hear that A...calm downh
AdriN2001 (11:13:08 AM): I just can't believe it
AdriN2001 (11:13:16 AM): I kept trying to deny that this was real
AdriN2001 (11:13:24 AM): But people are leaving who might never come back
AdriN2001 (11:13:46 AM): I don't know how people can be supporting this war when their CHILDREN ARE LEAVING
AdriN2001 (11:14:36 AM): How many deaths is it going to take until everyone starts realizing this war is STUPID AND POINTLESS AND NOT WORTH IT
AdriN2001 (11:14:46 AM): How many people died in Vietnam?
AdriN2001 (11:14:53 AM): Is it going to be that many again?
AdriN2001 (11:15:09 AM): Is Dave and Joshy going to be drafted?
AdriN2001 (11:15:11 AM): Are you?
AdriN2001 (11:17:23 AM): Are you Daddy . . . PLEASE STOP THIS
AdriN2001 (11:17:35 AM): PLEASE STOP IT I HATE IT I HATE IT
AdriN2001 (11:17:54 AM): We teach our children to talk it out and yet we support this
AdriN2001 (11:18:15 AM): We are better than this and smarter
AdriN2001 (11:18:24 AM): You should be smarter than to think this is right
AdriN2001 (11:18:32 AM): It's wronger than anything
AdriN2001 (11:19:20 AM): It makes us Saddam.
AdriN2001 (11:19:34 AM): We become him in our quest against fear
AdriN2001 (11:21:12 AM): Because 911 happened and something had to give. Because people started to question whether Bush had a "legitimate claim" to the throne of our nation and a distraction was needed and oil was needed and 911 happened and so we became as bad as Saddam
AdriN2001 (11:21:22 AM): Worse because we should have learned the first time
AdriN2001 (11:21:49 AM): And it's ABSOLUTELY WRONG AND HORRIBLE AND PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE FOR THAT
AdriN2001 (11:21:54 AM): They already are
CT Golden1 signed off at 11:22:16 AM.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Old School Sunday: One Entry by Norm and One About Him
If you haven't heard about my new blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
The middle of the spring semester of my sophomore year--we were on the cusp of invading Iraq, the harsh winter was finally ending, and I was dating Norm at the time. Here's a poem by him and a post by me about him (hehe).
10th February 2003
9:42am: Norm's Poem
THE CROSS
The birds
The birds
we've seen them flying
we know they fly south
we wish we could be like them
too cold
go south
that easy
we've seen them flying
flying
flying
in a V
in a W
mostly in V's
for N V
envy
N V how they just fly south
envy
but
butt
buttocks
to interject
these birds
who's northern home
Mirror Lake
most people find disgusting bla bla bla bla bla
these birds
will
not
fly
south
these birds will not fly south
it's been too cold to bear
too cold to speak
too cold to breathe
for months now
but
these birds
will not fly south
Months ago I remember screaming at them
"FLY SOUTH!"
"FLY SOUTH!"
people stared at me as though I was the fool
but
but
I was simply afraid
because
I have always been told
I have always seen
I have always known
That when it gets cold
The Birds
fly south
but
these birds
will not
fly south
some days ago
a friend of mine expressed the same concerns
why?
why?
won't the birds fly south?
don't they get cold?
there's hardly any non-frozen lake left bla bla bla bla bla
and then
just days ago
I was told of the one
the one
and today
in passing
I saw the one
feet planted straight
back fully bent back fully bent back fully bent back fully bent back
only feet away from the small pool
where the birds
who still do not fly south
swim
and chant
head and wings on the cold surface
crucified
it died
in glory
and the name of order
and madness
and the hammer that smashes them both
like cracking ice
5:56pm
Current Mood: dichotomous
I don't even know what I want to say.
Complacency causes laziness <--- in Psych, we call this a directional theory. As in, you have to prove not only that complacency and laziness are related, but that one CAUSES the other. With that said. Complacency is what I think of as the Lack of a "fear factor". A fear factor, in my mind, is the fear that the person that you love will fall out of love with you. The fear factor causes people to get up in the morning to brush their teeth, so when their lover kisses them in the morning, they get a fresh clean mouth. The fear factor causes people to watch their weight, to shave, to shower, to dress nicely, to speak nicely, to do favors, to be attentive, etc etc etc. Complacency is the comfortableness of the lack of a fear factor. Complacency is knowing that your lover will not leave you--they love you too much. Complacency in itself is not bad. But what is bad is that without the FEAR FACTOR, people get lazy. I'm not saying I am not guilty of this. I am. But with all that said: SHAVE NORM YOU MOTHERFUCKER
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
The middle of the spring semester of my sophomore year--we were on the cusp of invading Iraq, the harsh winter was finally ending, and I was dating Norm at the time. Here's a poem by him and a post by me about him (hehe).
10th February 2003
9:42am: Norm's Poem
THE CROSS
The birds
The birds
we've seen them flying
we know they fly south
we wish we could be like them
too cold
go south
that easy
we've seen them flying
flying
flying
in a V
in a W
mostly in V's
for N V
envy
N V how they just fly south
envy
but
butt
buttocks
to interject
these birds
who's northern home
Mirror Lake
most people find disgusting bla bla bla bla bla
these birds
will
not
fly
south
these birds will not fly south
it's been too cold to bear
too cold to speak
too cold to breathe
for months now
but
these birds
will not fly south
Months ago I remember screaming at them
"FLY SOUTH!"
"FLY SOUTH!"
people stared at me as though I was the fool
but
but
I was simply afraid
because
I have always been told
I have always seen
I have always known
That when it gets cold
The Birds
fly south
but
these birds
will not
fly south
some days ago
a friend of mine expressed the same concerns
why?
why?
won't the birds fly south?
don't they get cold?
there's hardly any non-frozen lake left bla bla bla bla bla
and then
just days ago
I was told of the one
the one
and today
in passing
I saw the one
feet planted straight
back fully bent back fully bent back fully bent back fully bent back
only feet away from the small pool
where the birds
who still do not fly south
swim
and chant
head and wings on the cold surface
crucified
it died
in glory
and the name of order
and madness
and the hammer that smashes them both
like cracking ice
5:56pm
Current Mood: dichotomous
I don't even know what I want to say.
Complacency causes laziness <--- in Psych, we call this a directional theory. As in, you have to prove not only that complacency and laziness are related, but that one CAUSES the other. With that said. Complacency is what I think of as the Lack of a "fear factor". A fear factor, in my mind, is the fear that the person that you love will fall out of love with you. The fear factor causes people to get up in the morning to brush their teeth, so when their lover kisses them in the morning, they get a fresh clean mouth. The fear factor causes people to watch their weight, to shave, to shower, to dress nicely, to speak nicely, to do favors, to be attentive, etc etc etc. Complacency is the comfortableness of the lack of a fear factor. Complacency is knowing that your lover will not leave you--they love you too much. Complacency in itself is not bad. But what is bad is that without the FEAR FACTOR, people get lazy. I'm not saying I am not guilty of this. I am. But with all that said: SHAVE NORM YOU MOTHERFUCKER
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Old School Sunday: Enlightenment and/or Society?
If you haven't heard about my new blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
Just finished my first semester, sophomore year . . . I was definitely finding myself spiritually and a lot of other ways during this time. Here I am once again rescued by Greg, always up to answer a difficult question with a well-thought out answer (and accompanying metaphor? Ha).
19th December 2002
4:32pm
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Phish--Way back home
AdriN2001: To what extent is participation in the world important? If one participates in the world, they are providing themselves as a human resource, possibly causing change to those parts of our system which so badly need it. However, the path to enlightenment requires one to turn away from worldly thoughts and actions. Is the path to enlightenment, then, wholly selfish? Would I reach enlightenment by removing myself from society, while society suffers from the lack of what I could add to it? My mind is troubled--thoughts very welcome.
DebilNoxin: while turning from worldly actions does necessitate non-involvement, it does not precipitate a lack of understanding.
DebilNoxin: In fact, to draw a bit of an analogy-- it is very difficult to discern the workings of a clock while standing in the middle of it.
DebilNoxin: however, with a bit of distance and perspective, the function of each part and their interaction as a whole are more apt to be understood
DebilNoxin: to generalize from this analogy, being a part of society, while immediately helpful on some levels, is bewildering because it presupposes intimacy and involvement with society-- much like standing in the middle of the clock
DebilNoxin: with distance and perspective-- the removal from society-- the social significance of actions and reactions can be observed and pondered more readily
DebilNoxin: this, however, begs the question: is it better to interact with a measure of blindness on a practical level, or is it better to understand on a theoretical level?
DebilNoxin: understanding things on a theoretical level facilitates the observation of the whole-- not in its individual parts and actions (such as every-day life)-- and hence the ability to more correctly discern the appropriate paths of action you and others may take in society.
DebilNoxin: Therefore, the removal from society to achieve enlightenment, or 'understanding' if you will, in actuality enhances one's ability to interact with the same society in a manner at once more concise and more far-reaching.
DebilNoxin: in short, the removal is a short term sacrifice for a long-term yield of very large proportions.
DebilNoxin: To return to the clock analogy-- imagine being part of the clock itself, going about one's task as part of a whole to achieve a purpose you cannot see or comprehend.
DebilNoxin: No imagine that as the piece of the clock, you remove yourself from the works and observe how all the parts function together and what their ultimate purpose is.
DebilNoxin: When the piece returns, or even if it does not return at all, it has gained knowledge and understanding of the system in which it functions.
DebilNoxin: this knowledge may enable the piece to function more efficiently upon its return, or it may enable the piece to devise a better and more appropriate manner in which it may function.
DebilNoxin: Like the piece of the clock, the enlightened individual may return to his society and function with greater poise and aplomb in his original function, or may seek to change the theoretical functions of society from within or without.
DebilNoxin: Thus, to answer the question posed previously, it is by far better to gain knowledge through temporal removal than to function blindly with unanswered questions obstructing the efficient or appropriate completion of one's larger function.
DebilNoxin: good night and peace
DebilNoxin: if I'm still around when you return feel free to come talk
DebilNoxin: did i just send you something long and nonsensical?
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
Just finished my first semester, sophomore year . . . I was definitely finding myself spiritually and a lot of other ways during this time. Here I am once again rescued by Greg, always up to answer a difficult question with a well-thought out answer (and accompanying metaphor? Ha).
19th December 2002
4:32pm
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Phish--Way back home
AdriN2001: To what extent is participation in the world important? If one participates in the world, they are providing themselves as a human resource, possibly causing change to those parts of our system which so badly need it. However, the path to enlightenment requires one to turn away from worldly thoughts and actions. Is the path to enlightenment, then, wholly selfish? Would I reach enlightenment by removing myself from society, while society suffers from the lack of what I could add to it? My mind is troubled--thoughts very welcome.
DebilNoxin: while turning from worldly actions does necessitate non-involvement, it does not precipitate a lack of understanding.
DebilNoxin: In fact, to draw a bit of an analogy-- it is very difficult to discern the workings of a clock while standing in the middle of it.
DebilNoxin: however, with a bit of distance and perspective, the function of each part and their interaction as a whole are more apt to be understood
DebilNoxin: to generalize from this analogy, being a part of society, while immediately helpful on some levels, is bewildering because it presupposes intimacy and involvement with society-- much like standing in the middle of the clock
DebilNoxin: with distance and perspective-- the removal from society-- the social significance of actions and reactions can be observed and pondered more readily
DebilNoxin: this, however, begs the question: is it better to interact with a measure of blindness on a practical level, or is it better to understand on a theoretical level?
DebilNoxin: understanding things on a theoretical level facilitates the observation of the whole-- not in its individual parts and actions (such as every-day life)-- and hence the ability to more correctly discern the appropriate paths of action you and others may take in society.
DebilNoxin: Therefore, the removal from society to achieve enlightenment, or 'understanding' if you will, in actuality enhances one's ability to interact with the same society in a manner at once more concise and more far-reaching.
DebilNoxin: in short, the removal is a short term sacrifice for a long-term yield of very large proportions.
DebilNoxin: To return to the clock analogy-- imagine being part of the clock itself, going about one's task as part of a whole to achieve a purpose you cannot see or comprehend.
DebilNoxin: No imagine that as the piece of the clock, you remove yourself from the works and observe how all the parts function together and what their ultimate purpose is.
DebilNoxin: When the piece returns, or even if it does not return at all, it has gained knowledge and understanding of the system in which it functions.
DebilNoxin: this knowledge may enable the piece to function more efficiently upon its return, or it may enable the piece to devise a better and more appropriate manner in which it may function.
DebilNoxin: Like the piece of the clock, the enlightened individual may return to his society and function with greater poise and aplomb in his original function, or may seek to change the theoretical functions of society from within or without.
DebilNoxin: Thus, to answer the question posed previously, it is by far better to gain knowledge through temporal removal than to function blindly with unanswered questions obstructing the efficient or appropriate completion of one's larger function.
DebilNoxin: good night and peace
DebilNoxin: if I'm still around when you return feel free to come talk
DebilNoxin: did i just send you something long and nonsensical?
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Old School Sunday: My Away Message
If you haven't heard about my new blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
Getting to the end of the fall semester of my sophomore year in college . . . just started writing again after a six-month break . . .
11th December 2002
3:26am
Current Mood: satisfied
"Would it be possible for humans to feel love as deeply as they can, but not hate? Just as the existence of Heaven can only be explained in the face of Hell, I am afraid that hate is connected to love too strongly to separate out one from the other. Psychologists say that chemically, hate and love are identical. People say that you can only truly hate people that you love. I say that people choose their own emotions, and if they don't, the emotions choose them, and control is lost."
So that was what my away message said, and then I read it over and I started thinking. What if the body just produces a physical (chemical) reaction to our world, and it is our brain that assigns value to these, in essence, emotions. If we realize this, we start to realize our ability to control how we feel, at every moment of our lives.
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
Getting to the end of the fall semester of my sophomore year in college . . . just started writing again after a six-month break . . .
11th December 2002
3:26am
Current Mood: satisfied
"Would it be possible for humans to feel love as deeply as they can, but not hate? Just as the existence of Heaven can only be explained in the face of Hell, I am afraid that hate is connected to love too strongly to separate out one from the other. Psychologists say that chemically, hate and love are identical. People say that you can only truly hate people that you love. I say that people choose their own emotions, and if they don't, the emotions choose them, and control is lost."
So that was what my away message said, and then I read it over and I started thinking. What if the body just produces a physical (chemical) reaction to our world, and it is our brain that assigns value to these, in essence, emotions. If we realize this, we start to realize our ability to control how we feel, at every moment of our lives.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Old School Sunday: What I said to Greg
If you haven't heard about my new blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
I was a month into my first summer break from college. . . missing my college friends like Greg B...
15th June 2002
3:45am
Current Mood: contemplative
I might be wrong.
I think that the difference between sane people and SOME insane people, you included, is that insane people are more easily able to forget hypocrisy, injustice, madness, sadness, and sorrows. Insane people like you are the ones who recognize the world for what it is, and cannot seem to reconcile the positivity of existence in such a barren and unhappy place.
Luckily, I am one of those who easily forgets, but not everyone is this lucky. I suppose I just think that even though the world is horrible in many ways, it isn't natural that this is true. I think nature gave us this perfect, beautiful, amazing place, and it is only some of the things that we do with it that makes the world horrible. And I can't help thinking that someday things will be different. That someday, there will be an equality between the beauty of nature and the goodness of people.
And I suppose that the meaning of MY life, not to speak for anyone else, is trying my hardest at all times to help the balance be achieved. There's not really anything else I could do.
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
I was a month into my first summer break from college. . . missing my college friends like Greg B...
15th June 2002
3:45am
Current Mood: contemplative
I might be wrong.
I think that the difference between sane people and SOME insane people, you included, is that insane people are more easily able to forget hypocrisy, injustice, madness, sadness, and sorrows. Insane people like you are the ones who recognize the world for what it is, and cannot seem to reconcile the positivity of existence in such a barren and unhappy place.
Luckily, I am one of those who easily forgets, but not everyone is this lucky. I suppose I just think that even though the world is horrible in many ways, it isn't natural that this is true. I think nature gave us this perfect, beautiful, amazing place, and it is only some of the things that we do with it that makes the world horrible. And I can't help thinking that someday things will be different. That someday, there will be an equality between the beauty of nature and the goodness of people.
And I suppose that the meaning of MY life, not to speak for anyone else, is trying my hardest at all times to help the balance be achieved. There's not really anything else I could do.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Old School Sunday: Three Friends
If you haven't heard about my new blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
I was recently returned home from my first year of college and the news from several of my friends was not good. :(
14th May 2002
9:20am
Mariclare:
I talked to Mariclare on ?Sunday? ?Monday? (Will the days ever separate themselves out?) and she told me that they found two lumps in her mothers breast. The reason I couldn't say how this makes me feel is that I am quite sure that I have separated the fact itself from my emotions completely.
All I can say is that if Mariclare lives in NH this summer, I will miss her very much. Dreadfully. Painfully. I already miss her enough. I don't know. I wouldn't even ask her to NOT go because of me though, because I really do believe that it would, under some circumstances, be the best thing for her. COGNITIVE DISSONANCE
Greg B:
I think Greg feels as if he is losing his identity--becoming whatever people expect him to be perhaps. I wish that just sometimes, if he were sad or depressed or annoyed or anything, that he would tell me, or just act like it. Usually when we are together he and I are both happy. However, I think we both know that his happiness is only the surface, and probably the least important, of how he feels. I wish that I knew for sure how he felt. I feel like sometimes, when it is very late, and he is very tired, too tired perhaps, to be the actor anymore, he allows me a tiny glance into himself. He is serious instead of jovial. These are the times that it is HIM and not the actor, and these are the times that I love him best and worry about him most.
Although he is simply responding to everyone else. No one likes to hear about other peoples depressing mentalities about this or that. However, I pick and choose those people who I will bring down with me--surely this is ?LOL? true friendship. I wonder if Greg picks or chooses. Is this act simply consideration on his part? If it is--just know that I know, GB. And know that your identity must be expressed--no matter how much other people may not like the morose. If you continue to become the actor, I am quite certain you will forget how to turn off the actor, until it consumes you and your entire life is a farce for other people's pleasure.
D:
I can't even believe this shit about D. He has been expelled from school and from what Norm says, he will not be back next year either. An entire semester down the tubes at the very end. So much work and money for nothing. I thought the police were there to help the rest of us become better and more productive citizens. Surely being the cause of a good kid to drop out of school is doing that. Way to go.
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
I was recently returned home from my first year of college and the news from several of my friends was not good. :(
14th May 2002
9:20am
Mariclare:
I talked to Mariclare on ?Sunday? ?Monday? (Will the days ever separate themselves out?) and she told me that they found two lumps in her mothers breast. The reason I couldn't say how this makes me feel is that I am quite sure that I have separated the fact itself from my emotions completely.
All I can say is that if Mariclare lives in NH this summer, I will miss her very much. Dreadfully. Painfully. I already miss her enough. I don't know. I wouldn't even ask her to NOT go because of me though, because I really do believe that it would, under some circumstances, be the best thing for her. COGNITIVE DISSONANCE
Greg B:
I think Greg feels as if he is losing his identity--becoming whatever people expect him to be perhaps. I wish that just sometimes, if he were sad or depressed or annoyed or anything, that he would tell me, or just act like it. Usually when we are together he and I are both happy. However, I think we both know that his happiness is only the surface, and probably the least important, of how he feels. I wish that I knew for sure how he felt. I feel like sometimes, when it is very late, and he is very tired, too tired perhaps, to be the actor anymore, he allows me a tiny glance into himself. He is serious instead of jovial. These are the times that it is HIM and not the actor, and these are the times that I love him best and worry about him most.
Although he is simply responding to everyone else. No one likes to hear about other peoples depressing mentalities about this or that. However, I pick and choose those people who I will bring down with me--surely this is ?LOL? true friendship. I wonder if Greg picks or chooses. Is this act simply consideration on his part? If it is--just know that I know, GB. And know that your identity must be expressed--no matter how much other people may not like the morose. If you continue to become the actor, I am quite certain you will forget how to turn off the actor, until it consumes you and your entire life is a farce for other people's pleasure.
D:
I can't even believe this shit about D. He has been expelled from school and from what Norm says, he will not be back next year either. An entire semester down the tubes at the very end. So much work and money for nothing. I thought the police were there to help the rest of us become better and more productive citizens. Surely being the cause of a good kid to drop out of school is doing that. Way to go.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Old School Sunday: Friends and Me
If you haven't heard about my new blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
I was getting to the end of the semester of my Freshman year . . .
9th April 2002
6:05pm
Current Mood: happy
You know, it seems like all my friends lives are falling apart. Some of them are dating bad guys, most of them are having financial trouble, some of those that are in school are doing badly, and some of them are even having trouble with their families/being kicked out of them houses, etc etc. And in one way I feel horrible. In one way it feels like MY life is upside down too, because all the people that I have known forever have changed so dramatically that I feel like I've lost something too.
But you know, my life is NOT upside down. My life is good. -I am done with my half of the tuition, and while it was stressful to pay that much money out, it was rewarding too. I had to earn the money and be responsible with it and I was. -I feel like I've been a good friend to all my friends, to the point of sacrificing things that I wanted. But again, it was worth it because friendship is important. -My grades are good. They are. School is good. I am on top of all this registration/major declaring/financial aid/etc. I have been responsible about school and I am proud of myself. -I am in love with a great guy who makes me laugh and laugh and who would give me anything I asked and who I love being with and spending time with.
My life is good. And I'm really proud of myself. My parents haven't been here. All this is MY doing. And it's all good.
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
I was getting to the end of the semester of my Freshman year . . .
9th April 2002
6:05pm
Current Mood: happy
You know, it seems like all my friends lives are falling apart. Some of them are dating bad guys, most of them are having financial trouble, some of those that are in school are doing badly, and some of them are even having trouble with their families/being kicked out of them houses, etc etc. And in one way I feel horrible. In one way it feels like MY life is upside down too, because all the people that I have known forever have changed so dramatically that I feel like I've lost something too.
But you know, my life is NOT upside down. My life is good. -I am done with my half of the tuition, and while it was stressful to pay that much money out, it was rewarding too. I had to earn the money and be responsible with it and I was. -I feel like I've been a good friend to all my friends, to the point of sacrificing things that I wanted. But again, it was worth it because friendship is important. -My grades are good. They are. School is good. I am on top of all this registration/major declaring/financial aid/etc. I have been responsible about school and I am proud of myself. -I am in love with a great guy who makes me laugh and laugh and who would give me anything I asked and who I love being with and spending time with.
My life is good. And I'm really proud of myself. My parents haven't been here. All this is MY doing. And it's all good.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Old School Sunday: Seven and a Half Hours Later
If you haven't heard about my new blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
During my first few years of college I worked at the dining hall and pizza/calzone "grab and go", first as a general student worker and later as a manager. I worked 16 hours a week average and took a full course load which I was paying half for out of pocket with this money . . . it was hard but rewarding.
At this point I was getting toward the end of my freshman year and having trouble getting everything done (especially because I had yet to get diagnosed with ADHD and start taking medication . . .
But here we see what a shift at work could do for my state of mind . . . that's my ADHD self, I'm better when I'm busier . . .
27th March 2002
4:14pm: School
Current Mood: HATEFUL
I' m extremely disappointed in myself. Very Very.
The first month of school my average in every subject was an A. I got A's on all my first exams, life was dandy. The second month of school might have permanently fucked me over. I can't even believe I did this. I probably failed my Soc midterm, I got a 65 on my 2nd Bio exam, I had a portfolio due yesterday that I probably didn't do great on, and I had a paper due yesterday that I haven't done, STILL, and it's 20 percent off per day and I might already be down to 60 by now . . . I haven't even been going to class and I am BETTER THAN THIS. I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE WHAT A FUCKING LOSER I AM. YOU SUCK.
11:43pm: Postivity
Current Mood: productive
I am feeling really good. I was just at work for the past 3 hours, and I worked really hard, because there were a TON of people at the calzone place tonight. We sold 100 more calzones than average. It was crazy and there were only a few mistakes the whole night. And I worked hard and I feel good about it. Now I am going to read this book and write this paper and turn it in tomorrow. Sixty points is better than 0, and maybe she'll give me a break. But blowing it off would be worse than the best I can STILL do. And that's saying something.
During my first few years of college I worked at the dining hall and pizza/calzone "grab and go", first as a general student worker and later as a manager. I worked 16 hours a week average and took a full course load which I was paying half for out of pocket with this money . . . it was hard but rewarding.
At this point I was getting toward the end of my freshman year and having trouble getting everything done (especially because I had yet to get diagnosed with ADHD and start taking medication . . .
But here we see what a shift at work could do for my state of mind . . . that's my ADHD self, I'm better when I'm busier . . .
27th March 2002
4:14pm: School
Current Mood: HATEFUL
I' m extremely disappointed in myself. Very Very.
The first month of school my average in every subject was an A. I got A's on all my first exams, life was dandy. The second month of school might have permanently fucked me over. I can't even believe I did this. I probably failed my Soc midterm, I got a 65 on my 2nd Bio exam, I had a portfolio due yesterday that I probably didn't do great on, and I had a paper due yesterday that I haven't done, STILL, and it's 20 percent off per day and I might already be down to 60 by now . . . I haven't even been going to class and I am BETTER THAN THIS. I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE WHAT A FUCKING LOSER I AM. YOU SUCK.
11:43pm: Postivity
Current Mood: productive
I am feeling really good. I was just at work for the past 3 hours, and I worked really hard, because there were a TON of people at the calzone place tonight. We sold 100 more calzones than average. It was crazy and there were only a few mistakes the whole night. And I worked hard and I feel good about it. Now I am going to read this book and write this paper and turn it in tomorrow. Sixty points is better than 0, and maybe she'll give me a break. But blowing it off would be worse than the best I can STILL do. And that's saying something.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Old School Sunday: Parents
If you haven't heard about my new blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
Home on spring break from my freshman year at college . . .
21st March 2002
5:28pm
Current Mood: melancholy
I can't even believe how upset my parents can get me. They make me feel like I am the most horrible inconsiderate selfish child they have ever met. I don't even know how they do it. I consider myself to be a very thoughtful person. I'm very secure about myself. However, living in this household completely shakes down my self esteem to the point that I'm not even sure anymore whether I am a good person or not. My parents just look for any little thing that they can find and make a HUGE deal about it. They yell and make me cry and make me question all the things I used to know. I hate that they can do that.
Home on spring break from my freshman year at college . . .
21st March 2002
5:28pm
Current Mood: melancholy
I can't even believe how upset my parents can get me. They make me feel like I am the most horrible inconsiderate selfish child they have ever met. I don't even know how they do it. I consider myself to be a very thoughtful person. I'm very secure about myself. However, living in this household completely shakes down my self esteem to the point that I'm not even sure anymore whether I am a good person or not. My parents just look for any little thing that they can find and make a HUGE deal about it. They yell and make me cry and make me question all the things I used to know. I hate that they can do that.
New Blog Series: Old School Sunday
So many years ago I kept a different kind of blog using LiveJournal. I actually like LiveJournal a lot because on each entry you can choose to make it public, private, or shared with only certain groups of LiveJournal friends.
I started my LiveJournal in 2002, and wrote through about 2006.
When our story begins (post to come in a bit), I am coming to the end of second semester of college, and still suffering from a strained relationship with my parents due to (ADHD, Adolescence, Insolence, the Desire to be Independent while Dependent and the Resentment that Comes with it, etc.). Additionally, at this point I had already met my friend Laccone, who would introduce me to Yan Xin Qigong. However I hadn't started practicing yet, so I was still in mood of searching for spiritual direction and a teacher . . . and therefore thinking a lot about a lot of deep things (perhaps quite typical for a college freshman?).
Annnnd, I was kind of a hippy in the aftermath of 9/11--my dorm definitely served "Freedom Fries" in the dining hall for several months. (But don't worry, I don't get dreadlocks and join an anti-war tent city campus protest for another year, so I'm still swinging toward the left at this point, haha. ;-)
So that's where we're at! Every Sunday I'll share a "guest" blog post from 18 soon to be 19 year old me, apparently living the typical "finding yourself politically, spirituality, familialy, and emotionally" sort of college life during 2002-2006.
I'm quite interested to see this story unfold. I haven't even read these journal entries for many years . . . so it will be as much of a surprise to me! ;-)
I started my LiveJournal in 2002, and wrote through about 2006.
When our story begins (post to come in a bit), I am coming to the end of second semester of college, and still suffering from a strained relationship with my parents due to (ADHD, Adolescence, Insolence, the Desire to be Independent while Dependent and the Resentment that Comes with it, etc.). Additionally, at this point I had already met my friend Laccone, who would introduce me to Yan Xin Qigong. However I hadn't started practicing yet, so I was still in mood of searching for spiritual direction and a teacher . . . and therefore thinking a lot about a lot of deep things (perhaps quite typical for a college freshman?).
Annnnd, I was kind of a hippy in the aftermath of 9/11--my dorm definitely served "Freedom Fries" in the dining hall for several months. (But don't worry, I don't get dreadlocks and join an anti-war tent city campus protest for another year, so I'm still swinging toward the left at this point, haha. ;-)
So that's where we're at! Every Sunday I'll share a "guest" blog post from 18 soon to be 19 year old me, apparently living the typical "finding yourself politically, spirituality, familialy, and emotionally" sort of college life during 2002-2006.
I'm quite interested to see this story unfold. I haven't even read these journal entries for many years . . . so it will be as much of a surprise to me! ;-)
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