Last Year on this Day...Mother's Day 2010

Last year on Mother's Day, I told my family I was pregnant.

We had the plan to go to my parent's house--my sisters would be there, my two grandmothers would be there, and as it happened, my aunt (who is my godmother), my uncle, and my two cousins were there as well.

We'd gotten cards for each of them. Two "Grandma" cards for my Mom and James' Mom (we'd go to their house later on), and two "Great-Grandma" cards for my two grandmothers. Inside the cards were ultrasounds pictures from 7 and 9 weeks, and "tickets" to the birth and to hear the heartbeat.

So the moment came when everyone was gathered in the living room and they were going to open cards. They opened other cards and then I told them to open ours "all together". My grandma Rosemary realized first, and she just looked at us with tears in her eyes and said: "Really?" And then my grandma Marline started crying and got up to hug us, saying she was so so happy!

And then I looked at my Mom and she didn't know what to think. She was still reading the front of the card and didn't realize. And then some of the "tickets" fell out and she looked at them and finally realized.

"You're pregnant?" she said. And the rest of the room exploded into tears and hugs and my Mom and Dad, shell-shocked, not getting it, hahah. We had to count with my Dad--he was the same age as his father was when he became a grandfather! this comforted him.

My parents both distrusted it, after hearing about the m/c and our infertility struggles . . . I think it took at least a month to kick in--after we showed them the u/s video, and found out it was a boy, then it started to be more real to them . . .

Anyway, my sister Lauren totally lost it then. She turned into a sobbing mess, saying how happy she was for us, and that she had just been wishing so hard for us that we would get pregnant . . .

It was really special.

Later we went to James' Mom's house and I swear she read the following text of the card aloud before she realized I was pregnant:

"Once there was a little boy who had a really special Grandma! (turn page)
(handwritten:) "Here's a picture of your precious grandchild at 7 weeks gestation! And look how big (s)he is at 9 weeks!"

Finally she looked up at us: "Wait a minute! Are you pregnant?" Hahaha, and more hugging and congratulations from my inlaws and my brother and sister in law.

It was so special. And now, this year, I'm a real mother at last.

I (heart) you, Blog!

Well in my usual late-ish fashion, I realized yesterday that the previous day was the one year anniversary of me beginning this blog (for all intents and purposes), wrote this about that, and then forgot to publish yesterday, making this two days "late", oh well close enough.

Anyway, I started this blog in 2008 with the intent to blog about my pregnancy. I thought that happened for a couple of entries in 2009, but alas, it didn't really happen until Feb of 2010. And it was April before I felt secure enough in my little guy to begin the pregnancy blog that I had dreamt of starting way back then.

Here's my entry about finally being pregnant, a year and a day ago today.

It's strange to think about the blog being a year old. I can't believe what it has turned into in that time--what I've turned into?

Recently I mentioned it to a few people. An old college friend, Sean; he has a website, too, Kemba Facts (UConn is our Alma Mater). And my mother-in-law, who'd known about it but she is forgetful (another relative with probable ADHD, LOL), so I reminded her . . .

Anyway, both times when I mentioned it, I felt something. It made me smile while I was talking about it. Pride. I am proud of this blog. I know I'm no literary genius, but I post nearly every day. And when I think about the fact that I only started it a year ago, and didn't start posting pictures regularly for months, and now I have pages and over the last year, have cataloged so much about my pregnancy, about James, our life, and maybe even some helpful information about breastfeeding and birth and pregnancy . . . it does make me proud!

I'm trying to think about myself differently--as a writer. As I've talked about before, I've always been but have trouble thinking of myself as. But I mean, I COULD write something and submit it to Mothering Magazine or another magazine or website or something. Over the last year I've written about 300 entries. Sure, most of these wouldn't be of any interest to the general public, but maybe 10 of them are? Or even 3 . . . still, I have a base of writing to pull from if I ever wanted to do more with it. So why AREN'T I a writer? I've only been at this for a year, this is good progress to me so far, so even if I haven't gotten very far yet, if I am able to continue progressing at the same rate, I have a good shot at . . . well whatever I decide to try to do, right?

And for that reason, I love you, blog. I love being able to record James' life, and to get my crazy thoughts and feelings out--it's very cathartic.

Last Year on this Day...James' Conception Day

Last year on this day, I ovulated the egg that would become James.

I had gotten a positive ovulation test the day before, and me and James had "done the deed" the night before, and would do it again tonight. And a little over a week later, I got a positive pregnancy test.

In a sense, James has been "alive" for one year today! Happy conception day, my special boy!