I would list us under "moderate" in terms of our stance on vaccinations.
For the most part, in my opinion, most vaccines are harmless for most kids, and mostly protect most of us from most of the deadliest and most crippling diseases!
However . . . some vaccines are also deadly for some kids some of the time. Some of the ingredients in vaccines are "poisonous" to the body some of the time. Some vaccines are also unnecessary for some kids in some situations. In fact, some vaccines are unnecessary for most kids in most situations!
And some of the diseases we are mostly protected against? Are mostly harmless to most people most of the time. But, some of the diseases we are mostly protected against are really awful for most kids most of the time, too!
So, James and I make the following decision about vaccines: One at a time. We do not make broad statements like:
-Let's receive all vaccines blindly without researching.
-We will not receive any vaccines on principle.
-All vaccines are important and necessary.
-All vaccines are poisonous, harmful, and dangerous.
For what it's worth, we have done the following so far:
-Chosen not to get Hep B at Birth or One month. There is no reason why he would get this, and at such a young age, we had no reason to put those chemicals in his body without a real risk.
The reason Hep B is given to infants is if the Mom has it already, could have gotten it during her pregnancy because one of the parents is cheating, or if the infant needs a blood tranfusion, it can sneak through a screen 1 in 65,000 times.
However, if there is any risk that the infant could catch it, it is worth getting . . . 90% of infants who catch it during birth have it forever.
-At 2 months received Pneumoccal--Pc (common, deadly 20-30% of the time for infants) and Hib (Used to be common, deadly to 5%, disabling to 25%).
Both these diseases can lead to meningitis, one of the top killers of newborns. Furthermore, James' family has a history of weakness to meningitis. It was a priority for us to protect him against this. When he was 2 months old he was 12.5 lbs! We decided he was ready to handle the side effects and risks because the risks of not doing it were higher at that point.
Furthermore, both of these vaccines have been around for along time, and the amount of times it has led to serious complications in a small child is extremely rare.
-At 4 months received a combo shot of Dtap and Polio. There is evidence that a combo shot means that less ("poisonous") ingredients are needed with the vaccines.
DTap is protection against Diphtheria (rare, but deadly to 10%, but also treatable), Tetanus (rare, but deadly to 15%, and really severely awful to recover from), Pertussis (Whooping Cough, common, occasionally deadly--to 1% under 6 months).
We also received a 2nd dose of Hib.
-At 6 months we decided to receive nothing because James had not been feeling well (I forget if it was a cold or fever, teething related or not, but he had been sick the previous week). Commonly when reactions to vaccines occur, it is if the vaccine is given while the immune system is compromised, IE, when the child is sick or has recently been sick.
-But we rescheduled for 7 months, and then received a second dose of Pc and a third dose of Hib.
-We have chosen not to get Rotavirus . . . but now in researching to write this, LOL, I think I might reconsider . . .
Well, it is originally given at 2, 4, 6, months but it was totally un-necessary then (for us). While Rotavirus is a common disease that can lead to a somewhat serious risk of dehydration often needing a hospital stay to recover from . . . the risk of a baby who is not in daycare catching it is pretty low. And when James was that little I was barely even leaving the house, so there was no reason to get it then.
Plus, he was allergic to everything then and this is an oral vaccine, so he was at somewhat of a risk for developing a reaction because of that.
But now that his system is stronger, he's bigger, and we are being more social with other kids, he's at a SLIGHTLY higher risk of catching it. Though, then again, the odds of a tot who is still breastfeeding getting dehydrated and more seriously sick is fairly low . . .
I guess I'm still deciding! But this is a good example of what we try to consider when making each decision about each vaccine for each of our children at each visit.
Obviously there is a lot more to the full vaccine series but this is just what we've done so far. Who knows what we'll end up doing, we haven't really researched the rest yet, hehe. However, I will say without adding any more detail that we will put off the MMR for his 12 month visit, and probably just catch him up on one of the other ones instead.
A few more important things to add . . .
I believe it is a parent's right, for whatever reason, to decide that no vaccines are right for her/his child for some reason. But with this said. There is one more important point that I must add:
It is very important for most of the people to get vaccinated against some of the deadliest diseases, most of the time. Otherwise we face a situation where most of the people are somewhat at risk, and that isn't fair to anyone.
*We got most of our information from the Dr. Sears Vaccine Book. I would consider it to be a very fair and balanced book that presents all the information without telling you what to think or adding unnecessary fear-mongering. Unfortunately, it is one of few resources that I can say this about! I would highly recommend it.
Expecting our Little Brother in November!
Showing posts with label Resources. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Resources. Show all posts
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Breastfeeding Twins
My nieces are twins, my good friend just became an uncle to twins, and another family member is currently pregnant with twins so the topic of breastfeeding twins has come up a lot lately.
My experience with breastfeeding twins is what I witnessed/heard from my sister-in-law, what I've researched about it (alongside breastfeeding in general) over the years, and what I can extrapolate from nursing one baby.
Here is my advice for how to successfully breastfeed twins. This is adapted from the general breastfeeding advice on my breastfeeding page--the parts in italics are where the advice differs from general tips with a singleton. I hope this is helpful!
Breastfeeding Twins
The majority of women have more than enough MILK to exclusively breastfeed twins; what ends up being the scare resources, more often than not, is time, food, and sleep for the Mom.
I firmly believe that breastfeeding is a socialized skill, much like using a fork. We were meant to grow up watching people breastfeed all the time, like using a fork. In this ideal environment, we would learn about breastfeeding by watching our Moms, Aunts, Sisters, and limitless women while out and about in public. However, this is not our environment, so breastfeeding goes from natural and easy to awkward and challenging very quickly.
Here is my advice for having a successful breastfeeding relationship with your twins. These things are in an ideal situation. Sometimes there are emergencies or unforeseen complications, but breastfeeding is resilient enough to work out great even if you can't do all of these things every time.
-If possible, have a natural birth. There is evidence that drugs such as pitocin and the narcotic drugs in an epidural can affect both your milk coming in, and the baby's ability to stimulate the breast early on. Sorry I'm too lazy to look up said evidence and link it but you can look it up yourself and/or use common sense to realize that it is probably true. With this said, a natural birth isn't everyone's first choice for a birth experience and plenty of medicated birth babies have zero issue with breastfeeding. However, I believe a natural birth is a great way to start out a breastfeeding relationship with every advantage on your side.
Some people mistakenly believe that you must have a c-section or an epidural when you are delivering twins. This is not true. As long as one twin is head down and engaged in the birth canal, you should be set to deliver your twins vaginally. Sometimes only one twin can be delivered vaginally but it's still better for that one to have avoided the c-section even if one is necessary for the second twin.
Some hospitals have policies about delivering twins. Fight for your birth rights if having a natural birth is important to you. You are always allowed to deny a medical test or procedure that they are offering.
So even for twins, having a natural birth is a better way to go if you are able to do it!
-Immediately after birthing the first twin, put the baby on your belly/chest, and leave her/him there, skin-to-skin, until you have the other baby. Continue skin-to-skin care then for as long as possible--ideally 1-2 hours or more. You can allow the babies to initiate breastfeeding on their own by crawling to the breast, or you can help them. Keep the babies naked and your chest uncovered, and do this skin-to-skin kangaroo care for at least 1-2 hours after birth.
-My suggestions for a great pattern in which to nurse twins is this: Have one twin on one breast for all feedings and the other twin on the other for an entire week, then switch them. This will ensure that even if one twin is having a needy/fussy day, there will still be plenty of milk there for the other twin. The reason it might be a good idea to switch them weekly is that more often than not, one breast will produce more than the other breast, so this ensures that both twins get a chance at the more productive side.
-The first week should be a "nursing vacation." You, your babies, and ideally your husband, should pretty much stay in bed and be naked together to help the babies bond with both of you and establish proper breastfeeding.
-Expect the babies to pretty much nurse non-stop the first week--this is NORMAL, HEALTHY, and does NOT mean that the babies are not getting enough milk. This first week is CRITICAL in terms of your milk supply coming in well. Some people can take up to a week for the milk to come in. Colostrum is enough for your babies but only if they are able to nurse pretty much constantly. Some babies can go an hour or two between feeds, and most do that at least some of the time, but start out with the expectation that this first week your job is ONLY to nurse the babies. Hence the staying in bed/on the couch.
Even if you don't generally enjoy tandem breastfeeding (feeding both babies at once), you might want to just resign yourself to doing it for this first week or two.
-For at least the first six weeks, breastfeeding twins is (at least) a three person 24-hour a day job:
+The Mom should (for most of the day and night) be comfortably arranged on a couch or bed, with pillows set up so that when a twin is hungry, it is brought to the Mom's breast, arranged on the pillow, and allowed to nurse. In this way the Mom can nurse both babies at once on demand, even with twins.
+The Dad should be on diaper and baby comfort duty. Besides feedings, Dad should be the primary caretaker of the babies. He will do most diaper changes, clothes changes, will bring twins to and from Mom, will rock to sleep, etc.
+And there should be a third person, a family member or friend (or many in turn), with you 24/7 to take care of cooking and feeding both parents, doing all the laundry, and for back-up baby care.
-After the first week, continue to nurse the babies on demand--nurse at the first sign of hunger--rooting (chewing/sucking on hands, clothing, etc), open "searching" mouth, agitated movements, etc. During the day try to nurse at least every 2 hours. This will help the babies sleep longer at night if they are fed more often during the day.
-Expect the babies to be fussy and cluster nurse (feed very often/constantly), usually in the evening and during growth spurts. You will probably at some point feel like you are "out of milk" and that the babies seems hungry and unsatisfied. As long as this only happens for a day or two at a time (growth spurts), and/or during one part of the day, it is totally normal and DOES NOT MEAN the babies are overly hungry, starving, or that you need to supplement with f0rmula. Supplementing during times like these can be very dangerous and lead to a permanent (and spiraling) supply dip.
This cluster nursing usually lasts for the first 6-12 weeks.
-After the first six weeks, breastfeeding twins (just like with singletons) will become easier. By 6 weeks, the babies will usually be going at least two hours between feeds and sleeping longer stretches at night. Breastfeeding will become more routine and each nursing session will shorter. At this point it might be possible to only have two full-time adults taking care of: the twins, the Mom, and the house. ;-)
-Have CONFIDENCE in breastfeeding. It is difficult at times, but it really is perfect food for your babies, and a perfect "system" for Mom. There is no reason to question whether your babies are eating enough unless they aren't gaining weight. Otherwise, feed your babies at your breasts, watch the milk dribble from their chins, and KNOW that they will eat as much as they needs to eat, and your breasts will make it for him. Supply and demand. It's that simple, especially if you can do all of the things above.
-After the first 3 months, it can become REALLY easy. Most babies drop to 5-10 minute feedings every 2-3 hours and many are sleeping through the night, or only waking once or twice to nurse (again usually only for 5-10 mins). There is no warming bottles, mixing f0rmula, wondering if the baby ate enough or if you need more--you don't even have to get out of bed all night long! It is true that it can be challenging and demanding in the early days, but it totally pays off in the long run!
By 3/4 months, an energetic Mom (even an exclusively breastfeeding one) can probably handle her twins on her own with just a few hours of help (including a baby break) per week. As long as she has lots of snacks and isn't expected to do much else besides take care of the babies and feed herself. ;-)
-All problems can be solved. Seriously. Of course with twins more often than with singletons, supplementation with f0rmula or donor milk can be required, but this should not be seen as a failure. The goal should be to continue to provide as much breast milk as possible for as long as possible, and success shouldn't be judged on exclusively breastfeeding.
If you are pregnant with twins and would like to breastfeed, definitely get both Breastfeeding Made Simple (which I recommend to all pregnant ladies), and also Adventures in Tandem Nursing. This is an entire book about breastfeeding two: twins, while pregnant, an infant and a toddler, etc. There are personalized stories, photos and descriptions of good tandem positions, and general advice.
Generally, understand that exclusively breastfeeding twins is POSSIBLE most of the time--it is more normal than not for a Mom to have more than enough milk to feed two babies. What is going to make it really happen though is having the right help and support in the beginning. The Mom needs to be waited on hand and foot and should NOT be the primary caretaker of the babies. Her only job should be to breastfeed (for at least 6 weeks)--this approach will make success easier. With the appropriate support, even a Mom of twins can have a wonderful breastfeeding relationship with her babies!
My experience with breastfeeding twins is what I witnessed/heard from my sister-in-law, what I've researched about it (alongside breastfeeding in general) over the years, and what I can extrapolate from nursing one baby.
Here is my advice for how to successfully breastfeed twins. This is adapted from the general breastfeeding advice on my breastfeeding page--the parts in italics are where the advice differs from general tips with a singleton. I hope this is helpful!
Breastfeeding Twins
The majority of women have more than enough MILK to exclusively breastfeed twins; what ends up being the scare resources, more often than not, is time, food, and sleep for the Mom.
I firmly believe that breastfeeding is a socialized skill, much like using a fork. We were meant to grow up watching people breastfeed all the time, like using a fork. In this ideal environment, we would learn about breastfeeding by watching our Moms, Aunts, Sisters, and limitless women while out and about in public. However, this is not our environment, so breastfeeding goes from natural and easy to awkward and challenging very quickly.
Here is my advice for having a successful breastfeeding relationship with your twins. These things are in an ideal situation. Sometimes there are emergencies or unforeseen complications, but breastfeeding is resilient enough to work out great even if you can't do all of these things every time.
-If possible, have a natural birth. There is evidence that drugs such as pitocin and the narcotic drugs in an epidural can affect both your milk coming in, and the baby's ability to stimulate the breast early on. Sorry I'm too lazy to look up said evidence and link it but you can look it up yourself and/or use common sense to realize that it is probably true. With this said, a natural birth isn't everyone's first choice for a birth experience and plenty of medicated birth babies have zero issue with breastfeeding. However, I believe a natural birth is a great way to start out a breastfeeding relationship with every advantage on your side.
Some people mistakenly believe that you must have a c-section or an epidural when you are delivering twins. This is not true. As long as one twin is head down and engaged in the birth canal, you should be set to deliver your twins vaginally. Sometimes only one twin can be delivered vaginally but it's still better for that one to have avoided the c-section even if one is necessary for the second twin.
Some hospitals have policies about delivering twins. Fight for your birth rights if having a natural birth is important to you. You are always allowed to deny a medical test or procedure that they are offering.
So even for twins, having a natural birth is a better way to go if you are able to do it!
-Immediately after birthing the first twin, put the baby on your belly/chest, and leave her/him there, skin-to-skin, until you have the other baby. Continue skin-to-skin care then for as long as possible--ideally 1-2 hours or more. You can allow the babies to initiate breastfeeding on their own by crawling to the breast, or you can help them. Keep the babies naked and your chest uncovered, and do this skin-to-skin kangaroo care for at least 1-2 hours after birth.
-My suggestions for a great pattern in which to nurse twins is this: Have one twin on one breast for all feedings and the other twin on the other for an entire week, then switch them. This will ensure that even if one twin is having a needy/fussy day, there will still be plenty of milk there for the other twin. The reason it might be a good idea to switch them weekly is that more often than not, one breast will produce more than the other breast, so this ensures that both twins get a chance at the more productive side.
-The first week should be a "nursing vacation." You, your babies, and ideally your husband, should pretty much stay in bed and be naked together to help the babies bond with both of you and establish proper breastfeeding.
-Expect the babies to pretty much nurse non-stop the first week--this is NORMAL, HEALTHY, and does NOT mean that the babies are not getting enough milk. This first week is CRITICAL in terms of your milk supply coming in well. Some people can take up to a week for the milk to come in. Colostrum is enough for your babies but only if they are able to nurse pretty much constantly. Some babies can go an hour or two between feeds, and most do that at least some of the time, but start out with the expectation that this first week your job is ONLY to nurse the babies. Hence the staying in bed/on the couch.
Even if you don't generally enjoy tandem breastfeeding (feeding both babies at once), you might want to just resign yourself to doing it for this first week or two.
-For at least the first six weeks, breastfeeding twins is (at least) a three person 24-hour a day job:
+The Mom should (for most of the day and night) be comfortably arranged on a couch or bed, with pillows set up so that when a twin is hungry, it is brought to the Mom's breast, arranged on the pillow, and allowed to nurse. In this way the Mom can nurse both babies at once on demand, even with twins.
+The Dad should be on diaper and baby comfort duty. Besides feedings, Dad should be the primary caretaker of the babies. He will do most diaper changes, clothes changes, will bring twins to and from Mom, will rock to sleep, etc.
+And there should be a third person, a family member or friend (or many in turn), with you 24/7 to take care of cooking and feeding both parents, doing all the laundry, and for back-up baby care.
-After the first week, continue to nurse the babies on demand--nurse at the first sign of hunger--rooting (chewing/sucking on hands, clothing, etc), open "searching" mouth, agitated movements, etc. During the day try to nurse at least every 2 hours. This will help the babies sleep longer at night if they are fed more often during the day.
-Expect the babies to be fussy and cluster nurse (feed very often/constantly), usually in the evening and during growth spurts. You will probably at some point feel like you are "out of milk" and that the babies seems hungry and unsatisfied. As long as this only happens for a day or two at a time (growth spurts), and/or during one part of the day, it is totally normal and DOES NOT MEAN the babies are overly hungry, starving, or that you need to supplement with f0rmula. Supplementing during times like these can be very dangerous and lead to a permanent (and spiraling) supply dip.
This cluster nursing usually lasts for the first 6-12 weeks.
-After the first six weeks, breastfeeding twins (just like with singletons) will become easier. By 6 weeks, the babies will usually be going at least two hours between feeds and sleeping longer stretches at night. Breastfeeding will become more routine and each nursing session will shorter. At this point it might be possible to only have two full-time adults taking care of: the twins, the Mom, and the house. ;-)
-Have CONFIDENCE in breastfeeding. It is difficult at times, but it really is perfect food for your babies, and a perfect "system" for Mom. There is no reason to question whether your babies are eating enough unless they aren't gaining weight. Otherwise, feed your babies at your breasts, watch the milk dribble from their chins, and KNOW that they will eat as much as they needs to eat, and your breasts will make it for him. Supply and demand. It's that simple, especially if you can do all of the things above.
-After the first 3 months, it can become REALLY easy. Most babies drop to 5-10 minute feedings every 2-3 hours and many are sleeping through the night, or only waking once or twice to nurse (again usually only for 5-10 mins). There is no warming bottles, mixing f0rmula, wondering if the baby ate enough or if you need more--you don't even have to get out of bed all night long! It is true that it can be challenging and demanding in the early days, but it totally pays off in the long run!
By 3/4 months, an energetic Mom (even an exclusively breastfeeding one) can probably handle her twins on her own with just a few hours of help (including a baby break) per week. As long as she has lots of snacks and isn't expected to do much else besides take care of the babies and feed herself. ;-)
-All problems can be solved. Seriously. Of course with twins more often than with singletons, supplementation with f0rmula or donor milk can be required, but this should not be seen as a failure. The goal should be to continue to provide as much breast milk as possible for as long as possible, and success shouldn't be judged on exclusively breastfeeding.
If you are pregnant with twins and would like to breastfeed, definitely get both Breastfeeding Made Simple (which I recommend to all pregnant ladies), and also Adventures in Tandem Nursing. This is an entire book about breastfeeding two: twins, while pregnant, an infant and a toddler, etc. There are personalized stories, photos and descriptions of good tandem positions, and general advice.
Generally, understand that exclusively breastfeeding twins is POSSIBLE most of the time--it is more normal than not for a Mom to have more than enough milk to feed two babies. What is going to make it really happen though is having the right help and support in the beginning. The Mom needs to be waited on hand and foot and should NOT be the primary caretaker of the babies. Her only job should be to breastfeed (for at least 6 weeks)--this approach will make success easier. With the appropriate support, even a Mom of twins can have a wonderful breastfeeding relationship with her babies!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Covering Up While Breastfeeding
I don't get what all the hubbub is about covering up while breastfeeding. A friend described her sister-in-law trying to breastfeed to me saying that she would go into a different room, and then use a cover, but she couldn't see the baby and was having trouble latching her, so it just looked like a super hassle. This same Mom could not keep up breastfeeding on the long term, especially after going back to work.
I have to say that I come from the place of having small breasts. Before getting pregnant they were B's (and when engorged they might be D's) but they are C's generally now and when I've been heavier, so pretty small and my aureoles are small. So pretty much unless I am just hanging them out of the top of my shirt you can't see much. Maybe if my breasts were bigger I might feel more exposed Breastfeeding in Public? But honestly I feel like the more I breastfeed around people, the more I am teaching them about how to breastfeed, how to respect a breastfeeding women, and that it is normal, natural, and even beautiful and so special to see. So I try to do it. But for other people, they don't want to do it, and that's fine, too.
Anyway, I couldn't agree more with this backlogged blog entry at PhD in Parenting. . . Covering up is a Feminist Issue
And honestly I think if you don't make a big deal about it, a lot of times people can't even tell! I pretty much breastfeed James where-ever I am in whatever company I am in right there in the middle of everything. When I was visiting my Grandma once I fed him while my Grandma's friend was there and helping her decide how to paint her living room. My Grandma said later she said something to her friend about me feeding him and she didn't even notice. "Not a lot gets past her!" My Grandma said, about her friend, "but you were just so nonchalant". Yeah totally. It's just not a big deal, in my opinion. Normal.
Birth should be that way too, in fact! Nonchalant/special/wonderful/natural. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's annoying, sometimes it doesn't work out the way we planned. But the attempt/our version of success/and aftermath can be an important part of transforming a woman into a mother. It binds us together and lets us know and find our strength. So it's at once a part of life and something spectacular. Cover up if you want to, but I'm enjoying it in all it's glory, hehe.
I have to say that I come from the place of having small breasts. Before getting pregnant they were B's (and when engorged they might be D's) but they are C's generally now and when I've been heavier, so pretty small and my aureoles are small. So pretty much unless I am just hanging them out of the top of my shirt you can't see much. Maybe if my breasts were bigger I might feel more exposed Breastfeeding in Public? But honestly I feel like the more I breastfeed around people, the more I am teaching them about how to breastfeed, how to respect a breastfeeding women, and that it is normal, natural, and even beautiful and so special to see. So I try to do it. But for other people, they don't want to do it, and that's fine, too.
Anyway, I couldn't agree more with this backlogged blog entry at PhD in Parenting. . . Covering up is a Feminist Issue
And honestly I think if you don't make a big deal about it, a lot of times people can't even tell! I pretty much breastfeed James where-ever I am in whatever company I am in right there in the middle of everything. When I was visiting my Grandma once I fed him while my Grandma's friend was there and helping her decide how to paint her living room. My Grandma said later she said something to her friend about me feeding him and she didn't even notice. "Not a lot gets past her!" My Grandma said, about her friend, "but you were just so nonchalant". Yeah totally. It's just not a big deal, in my opinion. Normal.
Birth should be that way too, in fact! Nonchalant/special/wonderful/natural. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's annoying, sometimes it doesn't work out the way we planned. But the attempt/our version of success/and aftermath can be an important part of transforming a woman into a mother. It binds us together and lets us know and find our strength. So it's at once a part of life and something spectacular. Cover up if you want to, but I'm enjoying it in all it's glory, hehe.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Breastfeeding an Adopted Baby
I have several friends and family members hoping to adopt. When we were trying to conceive James, I thought about what would happen if we ended up building our family primarily through adoption, and the number one regret I had at this idea was missing out on breastfeeding.
However, in the time since then, I've discovered that it is actually possible to breastfeed even if you have adopted your baby. Here is a basic outline of how you could proceed if you would like to try to breastfeed your adopted baby. You actually don't need to do ALL of these things, you can pick and choose which parts are going to work for you.
1. Before your bring your baby home (several months before, if possible), buy a high-quality, double electric breast pump. Start spending time every day stimulating your breasts by pumping them. You will not get any milk at first, but the stimulation builds up the prolactin levels in your body, which will start to stimulate your breasts to produce milk. It might be uncomfortable, especially at first, but the more and the longer you can do it, the better off you'll be. After a while, you might start to see tiny drops of milk coming from your breasts--this is a great sign!
If you have the time to do it, the goal should be to pump for 120 mins per day. You could do four 30 min sessions, five 25 min session, six 20 min sessions, etc. However, even if you can't get to this 120 min goal, as much as you can do will help.
If you start to get more than a couple of drops of breast milk, save and freeze the breast milk so that you can use it later on!
2. Start taking supplements to help your body produce more milk. Fenugreek, blessed thistle, and alfalfa, plus eat as much oatmeal as you can. The old-fashioned steel cut oats work best. You can also drink oat milk as an easy way to get more oats.
There is also a prescription medication that can be extremely helpful--domperidone. Talk to your doctor (ideally, at least three months before you bring your baby home) about getting a prescription.
3. Buy a supplemental nursing system. You can see how it works here. Basically, it allows you to supplement saved breastmilk and f0rmula AT the breast. So even if you decide NOT to do parts 1 and 2 above, you can still give f0rmula while providing you and baby the bonding experience of suckling at your breast.
4. Buy a nipple shield (especially if your baby is not a newborn). Babies who have gotten used to bottles will have a harder time feeling comfortable at the breast. A nipple shield can help the breast seem more like a bottle to your baby, which might help you transition them to the breast.
5. Offer your baby's birth mother the opportunity to sell you her breast milk. Some birth mothers are interested in pumping their milk and providing it to you for feeding your baby, at a negotiated cost. This can be beneficial for both parties. If your birth mother is willing to do this on the short or long term (even a week or two of breast milk can give your baby needed immunities), make sure she is educated on the proper handling and storage of breast milk.
This milk can be given in a bottle or through the supplemental nursing system.
6. Look on Milkshare, Eats on Feets, or another milk bank to see if you are able to get donor milk from a Mom other than your birth mother.
P.S. If you are a breastfeeding Mom and you find yourself with extra frozen breast milk, donors to milk banks are badly needed. Preemies and other babies with health issues are the first to benefit from donated milk!
7. Expect it to feel strange or unnatural at first. Even with my biological son, I have to admit there was a week or so of getting used to regarding my breasts as feeding implements. There can definitely be an initial weird-out factor. However, your love for your baby will quickly change the way you think about your breasts. Just stick with it and soon it could feel quite natural!
Be flexible, persistent, and have reasonable expectations. Most adopted Moms do need to supplement with f0rmula or donor milk, but every drop of your own milk you are able to give to your baby is going to feel awesome! Plus the experience of your baby suckling at your breast is really like no other--even if his/her main nutrition is actually coming through the supplemental nursing system!
Also, this is going to be more of a challenge the older your baby is. A newborn baby is pre-programmed to latch at the breast (though even for biological parents this can also be challenging), but the older a baby is, and the more bottles he/she has had, the harder it might be to get him/her comfortable at the breast.
Finally, here are some tips from Kellymom that might help--especially for an older baby.
There are also a great amount of resources out there on the web!
I hope this is helpful to someone--anyone who reads who has additional tips, please share in the comments! All experience and info wanted!
However, in the time since then, I've discovered that it is actually possible to breastfeed even if you have adopted your baby. Here is a basic outline of how you could proceed if you would like to try to breastfeed your adopted baby. You actually don't need to do ALL of these things, you can pick and choose which parts are going to work for you.
1. Before your bring your baby home (several months before, if possible), buy a high-quality, double electric breast pump. Start spending time every day stimulating your breasts by pumping them. You will not get any milk at first, but the stimulation builds up the prolactin levels in your body, which will start to stimulate your breasts to produce milk. It might be uncomfortable, especially at first, but the more and the longer you can do it, the better off you'll be. After a while, you might start to see tiny drops of milk coming from your breasts--this is a great sign!
If you have the time to do it, the goal should be to pump for 120 mins per day. You could do four 30 min sessions, five 25 min session, six 20 min sessions, etc. However, even if you can't get to this 120 min goal, as much as you can do will help.
If you start to get more than a couple of drops of breast milk, save and freeze the breast milk so that you can use it later on!
2. Start taking supplements to help your body produce more milk. Fenugreek, blessed thistle, and alfalfa, plus eat as much oatmeal as you can. The old-fashioned steel cut oats work best. You can also drink oat milk as an easy way to get more oats.
There is also a prescription medication that can be extremely helpful--domperidone. Talk to your doctor (ideally, at least three months before you bring your baby home) about getting a prescription.
3. Buy a supplemental nursing system. You can see how it works here. Basically, it allows you to supplement saved breastmilk and f0rmula AT the breast. So even if you decide NOT to do parts 1 and 2 above, you can still give f0rmula while providing you and baby the bonding experience of suckling at your breast.
4. Buy a nipple shield (especially if your baby is not a newborn). Babies who have gotten used to bottles will have a harder time feeling comfortable at the breast. A nipple shield can help the breast seem more like a bottle to your baby, which might help you transition them to the breast.
5. Offer your baby's birth mother the opportunity to sell you her breast milk. Some birth mothers are interested in pumping their milk and providing it to you for feeding your baby, at a negotiated cost. This can be beneficial for both parties. If your birth mother is willing to do this on the short or long term (even a week or two of breast milk can give your baby needed immunities), make sure she is educated on the proper handling and storage of breast milk.
This milk can be given in a bottle or through the supplemental nursing system.
6. Look on Milkshare, Eats on Feets, or another milk bank to see if you are able to get donor milk from a Mom other than your birth mother.
P.S. If you are a breastfeeding Mom and you find yourself with extra frozen breast milk, donors to milk banks are badly needed. Preemies and other babies with health issues are the first to benefit from donated milk!
7. Expect it to feel strange or unnatural at first. Even with my biological son, I have to admit there was a week or so of getting used to regarding my breasts as feeding implements. There can definitely be an initial weird-out factor. However, your love for your baby will quickly change the way you think about your breasts. Just stick with it and soon it could feel quite natural!
Be flexible, persistent, and have reasonable expectations. Most adopted Moms do need to supplement with f0rmula or donor milk, but every drop of your own milk you are able to give to your baby is going to feel awesome! Plus the experience of your baby suckling at your breast is really like no other--even if his/her main nutrition is actually coming through the supplemental nursing system!
Also, this is going to be more of a challenge the older your baby is. A newborn baby is pre-programmed to latch at the breast (though even for biological parents this can also be challenging), but the older a baby is, and the more bottles he/she has had, the harder it might be to get him/her comfortable at the breast.
Finally, here are some tips from Kellymom that might help--especially for an older baby.
There are also a great amount of resources out there on the web!
I hope this is helpful to someone--anyone who reads who has additional tips, please share in the comments! All experience and info wanted!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The Secret of Home/Natural Birth
Thanks to commenter Katelynn for suggesting this awesome website about post-partum bodies!
On it, an anonymous poster talked about her five birth experiences, including her last one, a home birth: "I had my son on October 27, 2009. He was 8 days overdue and weighed 10lb 6oz. He was born after a literally painless 30 minute labor. If I had known how much better home-birth would be, I wouldn’t have waited so long to have one!"
I've been thinking more and more about natural/home birth. I think the home aspect DOES add something because of the level of comfort, privacy, and not having to go anywhere in labor. I also think the recovery is better because James and I were totally alone with our baby in the days after his birth--this might sound overwhelming for someone who has never done it, but it only takes this few days to LEARN YOUR BABY and build this confidence in caring for him. I know this can and does happen in the hospital too, but honestly I think having the nurses and other people there and around would make most people naturally want to ask for help or a second opinion in caring for their baby. When you don't have that option, you just do it and immediately you are the expert on your own baby, instead of someone else.
I always read these stories about how amazing natural birth was, and while I believed the stories and experiences, my mind was still infected with the popular perception that birth is inherently painful, scary, and foreign. This infection of self-doubt in my ability to birth is much too common.
Think about it--evolution and the procreation of the human species is the ultimate biological imperative. Birds evolve miraculous colors and plumes and mating rituals in order to procreation their species. Humans must be at least as good, right? What is the most important thing for the procreation of our species? The ability to give birth. Why should we doubt something that millions of years of careful "breeding" have guaranteed to work?
Well there is a history and explanation, which I won't go into now, but my birth experience eradicated the infection of doubt that I had possessed. Now I understand what those crunchy natural birth women were talking about. Birth is not something to fear. It is not inherently painful, and it is certainly not something to doubt. It's as easy as breathing--your body will do it without any help at all. All you need to do is YIELD. All you need to do is have a clean and confident mind that will not interfere with the body's imperative.
But since we are INFECTED, that is where the difficulty comes from. There is so little exposure to natural birth, it's importance or ease or even pleasure. All we see is screaming (which I admit, I did do, but it was not a scream of fear, it was a scream of power--it was like the "hiya" of a karate chop--the exercise of my gong power). All we see is women begging for their epidural as they clench their husband's arm (which I also did--but it was not a clench of pain, but a clench of power and adrenaline, like when you grip the steering wheel of your car during a racing game).
Our womanly messages have been twisted by fear and doubt, and it's a pity because we are missing out on a hormonal and spiritual experience with deep importance. I hope in my lifetime I will see a transformation of our culture's perception of birth. I am certainly going to do all I can to spread the "secret".
On it, an anonymous poster talked about her five birth experiences, including her last one, a home birth: "I had my son on October 27, 2009. He was 8 days overdue and weighed 10lb 6oz. He was born after a literally painless 30 minute labor. If I had known how much better home-birth would be, I wouldn’t have waited so long to have one!"
I've been thinking more and more about natural/home birth. I think the home aspect DOES add something because of the level of comfort, privacy, and not having to go anywhere in labor. I also think the recovery is better because James and I were totally alone with our baby in the days after his birth--this might sound overwhelming for someone who has never done it, but it only takes this few days to LEARN YOUR BABY and build this confidence in caring for him. I know this can and does happen in the hospital too, but honestly I think having the nurses and other people there and around would make most people naturally want to ask for help or a second opinion in caring for their baby. When you don't have that option, you just do it and immediately you are the expert on your own baby, instead of someone else.
I always read these stories about how amazing natural birth was, and while I believed the stories and experiences, my mind was still infected with the popular perception that birth is inherently painful, scary, and foreign. This infection of self-doubt in my ability to birth is much too common.
Think about it--evolution and the procreation of the human species is the ultimate biological imperative. Birds evolve miraculous colors and plumes and mating rituals in order to procreation their species. Humans must be at least as good, right? What is the most important thing for the procreation of our species? The ability to give birth. Why should we doubt something that millions of years of careful "breeding" have guaranteed to work?
Well there is a history and explanation, which I won't go into now, but my birth experience eradicated the infection of doubt that I had possessed. Now I understand what those crunchy natural birth women were talking about. Birth is not something to fear. It is not inherently painful, and it is certainly not something to doubt. It's as easy as breathing--your body will do it without any help at all. All you need to do is YIELD. All you need to do is have a clean and confident mind that will not interfere with the body's imperative.
But since we are INFECTED, that is where the difficulty comes from. There is so little exposure to natural birth, it's importance or ease or even pleasure. All we see is screaming (which I admit, I did do, but it was not a scream of fear, it was a scream of power--it was like the "hiya" of a karate chop--the exercise of my gong power). All we see is women begging for their epidural as they clench their husband's arm (which I also did--but it was not a clench of pain, but a clench of power and adrenaline, like when you grip the steering wheel of your car during a racing game).
Our womanly messages have been twisted by fear and doubt, and it's a pity because we are missing out on a hormonal and spiritual experience with deep importance. I hope in my lifetime I will see a transformation of our culture's perception of birth. I am certainly going to do all I can to spread the "secret".
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Birth Story
In the days before the birth I was definitely having some things that could be considered "prelabor", and I totally attribute them to getting acupuncture. My friend Craig the acupuncturist guaranteed me that his patients never go more than a few days past their due dates, and I had no reason to doubt him.
So I went on my due date, Tuesday, to get acupuncture and get a chiropractic adjustment, and this set off a string of pretty consistent Braxton Hicks contractions. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I continued to have Braxton Hicks contractions often, to feel extremely uncomfortable, to get up many times each night to pee and feeling uncomfortable, etc. We went to walk around UConn on Wednesday (?) night, and while I walked around as briskly as I could with a 9 month pregnant belly, the contractions became slightly more painful, but they would go back to just tightening as soon as I stopped walking.
On Thursday I went again for acupuncture and a chiropractic adjustment, and Thursday night the Braxton Hicks contractions continued, and I woke up several times over the night. At 4 am I realized I'd woken to pee at 2, 2:30, 3, 3:30, and 4 . . . even that was a bit much for me. I felt even more uncomfortable than normal, and thought MAYBE I was in the beginning of labor, and that, either way, I couldn't really sleep any more.
So I got up and went downstairs to watch Harry Potter, time the contractions I was feeling on the contraction master, and go online. After a few minutes of timing contractions, I took this herbal supplement that Craig (acupuncturist) had given me. Sometime after this (or maybe before, I can't quite remember), the contractions started to definitely get more painful--not just like tightening, but like something more. I couldn't sit still and started to pace around, bounce on the birth ball, and lean over our overchair during the contractions. At 5:00 or so, I started to think MAYBE this was actual labor, and at 5:40, I started texting my family to let them know--since the plan was for everyone to be here.
First I texted my sister Lauren since she lived in Brooklyn and had to take a train to my parents house (an hour to an hour and a half) and then they all had to drive another hour and a half up here. After I texted her, she called me.
"I'm pretty sure this is it." I said.
"Should I call out of work and get on a train?" she asked me.
"Well," I said, "definitely call out of work and start getting ready to go, but call me back again before you get on a train to make sure."
"Okay."
Next I texted my sister Marilyn, but she didn't call me back for a while. Just before 6, I called my Mom to let her know--and to tell her that Lauren was already on her way.
At 6, I woke up James. "I'm in labor!"
"What, really?" he said. He was pretty excited because all week he had been going to work instead of not going to work, and every morning he would ask my sleeping self:
"Okay, are you in labor?"
And I would say no. So this morning when I was in labor was pretty awesome for him.
I left him up there to go back and text my sister again. She called me back a bit later and I told her that this was it, and she should go get my sister, and she said: "Okay I'll go right now." And off she went.
James did a nice long qigong practice, thinking he would need his energy and concentration for a long day of labor. I was downstairs and the contractions started to get more intense and I started to think that I wanted his support. I went back upstairs and tried laying on my side in bed like we'd practiced in our Bradley class, and "relaxing" through a contraction. However, when the contraction hit, I could NOT stay down there.
It's interesting because I COULD say that trying to lay or sit through a contraction was excruciating, but it just wasn't like that. What I mean is that it was way less comfortable laying or sitting than it was standing, or leaning over. But the intensity of the word uncomfortable isn't right, and yet PAINFUL doesn't really hit it either. Yes it was painful, but it is such an event that you (well I) didn't think PAIN. I was excited to finally have the baby and this was the crazy rollercoaster to get me there. It was obviously uncomfortable, and I guess it WAS painful, but I brought forth life. Considering the miracle, the sensations were understandable and bearable and just part of that miracle, you know?
Anyway, so I tried laying down and relaxing through a contraction but as soon as it hit, I jumped back up and said: "NO WAY," and left James alone to practice to go back downstairs and labor by myself for another 15-20 mins. I was down there wondering what was taking him so long to get up. Finally I went back up to find him laying in bed after practicing, which he usually does for a few minutes before getting up for the day.
"You should start filling up the birth tub," I said.
"Already?" he asked me. "You could be in labor for 12 hours, we shouldn't fill it up yet."
"Okay, well, get up I need you."
So he started to get up, and went to call the midwife. This was about 7, now. Her phone went to voicemail, so he came up to ask me what he should do, and started to realize I was in pretty active labor. At this point I was bending to lean on the bed or a chair with each contraction, and trying to breathe deeply though them.
"I guess I will call Cindy," he said (our midwife's apprentice), "and have her get in touch with Kim (our midwife)."
"Worst case scenario, you can drive over to Kim's and get her," I said. Our midwife lives about five minutes from us, so I was totally not above resorting to this.
Another contraction hit me. "I want you to fill up the tub NOW," I said. "I want to get in it." This was maybe five or ten minutes after I first asked him to fill it, but it was enough time for him to start taking me seriously. We got the tub liner in, and arranged, and James started to fill it up. Then he started to change the sheets on the bed, put the plastic sheets over, and then put the sheets for the birth on top.
Each time a contraction would hit, I would tell him to come push on me. I wanted pressure on my back and on my low abdomen, too. He would squeeze me while I leaned over, or tried to bend my back straight and put pressure on my back myself. Then when the contraction was over, he would go back to what he was doing. At some point this got frantic, where he realized that there was only a few minutes for him to get all this done before another contraction would come.
In the meantime, he was also communicating with our midwives and families. The apprentice, Cindy, was on her way over, and she had talked to Kim. They decided that she would do an exam to see how dilated I was, and then she'd let Kim know.
At some point, James talked to Kim, too, and she asked how I was doing, how he was doing. "Is she able to talk through the contractions?" Kim asked him.
"Uhhhh, no," he said, "she is pretty focused at this point ..."
So Cindy got to our house, apparently at 7:35, and came upstairs--I greeted her and a minute later a contraction hit--I bent over the bed and breathed through it as James pressed on me--at this point I was definitely starting to make some "vocalizations" (ie, moaning) through them. I remember when the contraction was done I stood up and looked at Cindy.
She was like: "Oh, am I making you feel self-conscious?"
And I was like: "No not at all, I'm looking at you like, 'Well, what do you think?'"
"I'm not sure what I think," she said, "I'd like to check you."
"Okay," I said. "After the next contraction how about?"
"Okay!"
So after the next contraction, I took off my pants and underwear and laid on the bed and Cindy put her hand inside to see how my cervix was doing. As she was doing this, another contraction hit me, and I said: "Another one is coming!"
"I'd like to feel your cervix while it is happening to see what happens, if that is okay," she said.
"Ahhh, okay," I said, even though, as I'd previously mentioned, laying down seemed unbearable to me at that point.
After the contraction was done, she let me get up, and said: "Well, you are well effaced and dilated." She didn't give me a number of centimeters, which turned out to be because she thought I was already 8-9 centimeters but she thought that that couldn't be right, so she just didn't say anything. But she did go call our main midwife and tell her she'd better get over there.
This was definitely the beginning of what they call "labor land" when you really lose touch of what is going on outside and your focus turns inward. I was aware of everyone and what they were saying, but my memory wasn't recording time or events--not in the same way as everyone else.
Something people don't realize about natural birth is that pain causes the release of endorphins, and more pain releases more endorphins, and endorphins are not only more powerful than morphine, but they cause a state of dissociation that puts a barrier up between you and the pain. I honestly think that medicated childbirth is probably more scary and painful in a lot of ways because you don't have this natural high, natural painkiller--and I really think it is stronger.
So now I am working off of the midwife's notes because I was in laborland. At some point I was in the birth tub. I got in to soothe me during the contractions, and the water was really warm. James ran back and forth bringing cold water into the tub--and later, taking some water out so it didn't overflow. The water felt good but I started to feel overheated, so I got out again.
Apparently my water broke at 8:00, and at this moment I thought to myself that I was in transition. We learned in the Bradley class that transition is marked by emotional upset, and when my water broke, I was already in very intense labor and was in the middle of a contraction, and it broke with the classic splash sound like in the movies. I was leaning over the birth tub and James was pushing on me, and when the water broke I saw there was meconium in it.
For those that don't know, meconium is the baby's first poop, and if they do it before they are born, they can breathe it in, which can cause serious problems. So when I saw that meconium I got really upset. "There's meconium." I said, and I started crying and leaning on James. I sort of bawled for like a minute, and James held me and said it was okay, and that Little James was fine, and it was okay.
I was worried but I also knew that I was in the middle of a road I couldn't turn back on, and I needed to stay focused and get the job done. So after my minute of sobbing and worry I pulled myself together and just decided to move past it.
Apparently ten minutes later I started to "sound pushy"--meaning that I had an "ugh" sound during the contraction. Again, I was making a lot of noise during the contractions, but it wasn't because it was PAINFUL (though obviously it kind of was), it was more like there was this crazy thing happening inside me and I had to let it out. I honestly didn't think I would be a person who made a lot of noise while I was in labor but I did. I yelled. But oh well, it's what I was doing. I seriously was not in control, I was just along on this ride of my birth, just like James and James were. I didn't feel like I had any more say in the situation than they did.
My main midwife, Kim, got there a few minutes later--it was now 8:15. They suggested that I go sit on the toilet to help the baby come down. So I waddled over there and sat myself down. This felt especially good because I was feeling like I had to poop and though I was prepared to poop while I had the baby, since apparently this is really common, I felt a little more free to do so on the toilet. So I was on the toilet for awhile, and I did poop a little, and the baby's head did come down.
According to the midwives I was already pushing at this point, but I never thought so. It didn't feel like pushing to me--again, I was just there and trying to let my body do its thing. I would sit on the toilet but would stand up over it during a contraction and sort of squat. Again, sitting or laying down at all during the labor did not feel good.
Mariclare got there while I was on the toilet. She was a little freaked out (apparently) so James (apparently) went to talk to her and calm her down. He gave her the video camera and told her I was making noise but everything was okay.
From this point I have the record from the video camera but the way it happened from inside me was different (I feel like I keep saying that). But at least I have a clearer idea of exactly what happened from this point.
So I got off of the toilet and was leaning/hanging on James during the contractions, and the midwives said that they had brought the birth ball into the bedroom and asked if I wanted to come lean on it while I was laboring. So I waddled back into the bedroom. James' Mom got to our house at this moment and I remember being worried that she would see me naked, LOL! I had a tank top on but hadn't put anything back on my bottom half since I got out of the birth tub. Anyway, she stayed downstairs, but I remember walking back to the room quickly so that she wouldn't see me from the bottom of the stairs--I find my concern so funny at this point.
So I went back into the bedroom and labored for a bit while leaning on the birth ball which was on my bed. At some point I wanted to start squatting. I guess this was when I started feeling like I was pushing, but honestly I still didn't feel like I was "pushing", and just now I remembered learning in the Bradley class how to hold my breath and push with my chin tucked down, and it is SO funny because I never once thought of this during labor. My body was just doing it--I know I keep saying that but it's just so true.
So then I was squatting, holding on to the side of the bed--the midwives apparently put a pad under me, and eventually a mirror--I'm realizing now how cool it was that they just did whatever I wanted to do--they made suggestions but it sort of felt like they just followed me around with their stuff and took care of me whereever I was and whatever I was doing there. It's not until this moment I'm really realizing how different things would have been under a "managed care" mentality. Most of the time, I was just doing the only thing I could do--I couldn't imagine someone telling me to do something else.
So I was squatting over the mirror and really started feeling pushy (but only in retrospect)--but I wasn't looking at the mirror. So when they said they could see his head, I honestly didn't even believe them. But I guess I felt like he was getting close because there was one contraction where there was a serious burning feeling in my cervix.
At this point, they asked me if I wanted to get back in the birth tub, so I could have a waterbirth, and catch my own baby. It was that burning feeling I was thinking of when I said: "Okay, maybe it would feel good."
It took me two contractions to get from the side of the bed about two feet away into the birth tub. I didn't want to put my legs together too much because I didn't want to push him back in. When I got into the water, it did feel really soothing--and the midwives said that if I put my hand down, I could feel his head. I touched this soft and squishy thing, and asked if it was really his head and they told me it was but I honestly didn't really believe them. On the one hand, it felt too soft and squishy to be the hard round head that had been pushed into my ribs and then pelvis for months.
And honestly, on the other hand, I just didn't believe that I was so close to having him. Labor hadn't been that difficult. How could I be already at the end? Wasn't it supposed to be way harder than this? There is a moment on the birth video after they told me that it was indeed his head, when all that is running through my head, and I have the funniest look of disbelief and "woah" on my face.
After one or two more contractions, I had a little break from contractions. Maybe like 3 minutes. I relaxed in the water while the midwives tried to get everything set up. They put a mirror on the bottom of the tub to see what was going on with me. After this little break, it was time to push him out. In one or two more contractions, his head was out. I reached down to feel it and I was almost panicky--I wanted it to be over, and I also was worried about his head being out underwater while his body was still in me.
"Get him out!" I said. But the midwives told me to wait and I would push him out on my next contraction. This was honestly the only contraction where I actively and intentionally "pushed". I wanted him out. So I pushed and all of a sudden he popped out! They brought him up through my legs so I could sit down and pick him up. This was 9:06am.
It was absolutely insane to see him. I just kept saying "My Baby! My Baby!", and James and Mariclare were crying. He didn't cry at first, but his eyes and face were moving so I knew he was alive. The midwives moved his arms around and rubbed his back, and finally they told me to rub his back from the bottom up, and I rubbed him way vigorously and he took his first breath and everyone cheered.
He was very gurgly and I was worried about him--they suctioned him and then I asked them to suction him again. But eventually he started to breathe better. Because of this slow start, his 1 minute apgar was only 5, but then his 5 minute one was an 8.
He was 8 lbs, 7 ozs, and 23 inches long, and beautiful.
**************************************************************************
I can honestly say that giving birth was far easier than I thought it would be. I attribute my fast and easy labor mostly to one thing--a lack of fear. I was able to get out of my own way and let my body do what it was made to do.
I had spent many years retraining and reconditioning my mind's perception of what birth was. I cleared out the scary pictures painted by movies and popular shows like Birth Story, and replaced it with positive messages about birth, the power of the woman's body, the ease and benefit of natural birthing . . . I worked hard to release any fear of birthing and instead turn birth into something that I was excited to face--a completely unique experience--a once in a lifetime opportunity to look into my soul and find out that I was strong.
One of the best movies for this was The Business of Being Born--the births that they show in here were SO relaxing and inspiring. But my favorite favorite resource was the book Journey Into Motherhood. It is a collection of inspiring natural birth stories, written by Moms. All of these stories are different--some in the hospital, some at home, some with midwives, some with doctors, some unassisted, some planned, some unplanned, with different approaches and using different preparation methods, but they have a common message.
Birth is normal.
There is a reward that comes from birthing naturally that is worth pursuing.
Birth is not something to be afraid of.
Women are powerful.
Women's bodies know what to do.
I read this book over and over and over. While I was reading, I let these stories wash over and into my mind, take away the fear and replace it with power. Take away the misconceptions and replace them with knowledge. Take away the reticence and replace it with excitement. And replace the nervousness with confidence.
By the time I went into labor, I was the powerful woman I had read about--the Mother. I could make a baby, and I could give him life. In doing so, I would find a further power and confidence that would make me into someone capable of caring for another person. I am powerful, I am wise, and I will guide and raise this child.
So I went on my due date, Tuesday, to get acupuncture and get a chiropractic adjustment, and this set off a string of pretty consistent Braxton Hicks contractions. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I continued to have Braxton Hicks contractions often, to feel extremely uncomfortable, to get up many times each night to pee and feeling uncomfortable, etc. We went to walk around UConn on Wednesday (?) night, and while I walked around as briskly as I could with a 9 month pregnant belly, the contractions became slightly more painful, but they would go back to just tightening as soon as I stopped walking.
On Thursday I went again for acupuncture and a chiropractic adjustment, and Thursday night the Braxton Hicks contractions continued, and I woke up several times over the night. At 4 am I realized I'd woken to pee at 2, 2:30, 3, 3:30, and 4 . . . even that was a bit much for me. I felt even more uncomfortable than normal, and thought MAYBE I was in the beginning of labor, and that, either way, I couldn't really sleep any more.
So I got up and went downstairs to watch Harry Potter, time the contractions I was feeling on the contraction master, and go online. After a few minutes of timing contractions, I took this herbal supplement that Craig (acupuncturist) had given me. Sometime after this (or maybe before, I can't quite remember), the contractions started to definitely get more painful--not just like tightening, but like something more. I couldn't sit still and started to pace around, bounce on the birth ball, and lean over our overchair during the contractions. At 5:00 or so, I started to think MAYBE this was actual labor, and at 5:40, I started texting my family to let them know--since the plan was for everyone to be here.
First I texted my sister Lauren since she lived in Brooklyn and had to take a train to my parents house (an hour to an hour and a half) and then they all had to drive another hour and a half up here. After I texted her, she called me.
"I'm pretty sure this is it." I said.
"Should I call out of work and get on a train?" she asked me.
"Well," I said, "definitely call out of work and start getting ready to go, but call me back again before you get on a train to make sure."
"Okay."
Next I texted my sister Marilyn, but she didn't call me back for a while. Just before 6, I called my Mom to let her know--and to tell her that Lauren was already on her way.
At 6, I woke up James. "I'm in labor!"
"What, really?" he said. He was pretty excited because all week he had been going to work instead of not going to work, and every morning he would ask my sleeping self:
"Okay, are you in labor?"
And I would say no. So this morning when I was in labor was pretty awesome for him.
I left him up there to go back and text my sister again. She called me back a bit later and I told her that this was it, and she should go get my sister, and she said: "Okay I'll go right now." And off she went.
James did a nice long qigong practice, thinking he would need his energy and concentration for a long day of labor. I was downstairs and the contractions started to get more intense and I started to think that I wanted his support. I went back upstairs and tried laying on my side in bed like we'd practiced in our Bradley class, and "relaxing" through a contraction. However, when the contraction hit, I could NOT stay down there.
It's interesting because I COULD say that trying to lay or sit through a contraction was excruciating, but it just wasn't like that. What I mean is that it was way less comfortable laying or sitting than it was standing, or leaning over. But the intensity of the word uncomfortable isn't right, and yet PAINFUL doesn't really hit it either. Yes it was painful, but it is such an event that you (well I) didn't think PAIN. I was excited to finally have the baby and this was the crazy rollercoaster to get me there. It was obviously uncomfortable, and I guess it WAS painful, but I brought forth life. Considering the miracle, the sensations were understandable and bearable and just part of that miracle, you know?
Anyway, so I tried laying down and relaxing through a contraction but as soon as it hit, I jumped back up and said: "NO WAY," and left James alone to practice to go back downstairs and labor by myself for another 15-20 mins. I was down there wondering what was taking him so long to get up. Finally I went back up to find him laying in bed after practicing, which he usually does for a few minutes before getting up for the day.
"You should start filling up the birth tub," I said.
"Already?" he asked me. "You could be in labor for 12 hours, we shouldn't fill it up yet."
"Okay, well, get up I need you."
So he started to get up, and went to call the midwife. This was about 7, now. Her phone went to voicemail, so he came up to ask me what he should do, and started to realize I was in pretty active labor. At this point I was bending to lean on the bed or a chair with each contraction, and trying to breathe deeply though them.
"I guess I will call Cindy," he said (our midwife's apprentice), "and have her get in touch with Kim (our midwife)."
"Worst case scenario, you can drive over to Kim's and get her," I said. Our midwife lives about five minutes from us, so I was totally not above resorting to this.
Another contraction hit me. "I want you to fill up the tub NOW," I said. "I want to get in it." This was maybe five or ten minutes after I first asked him to fill it, but it was enough time for him to start taking me seriously. We got the tub liner in, and arranged, and James started to fill it up. Then he started to change the sheets on the bed, put the plastic sheets over, and then put the sheets for the birth on top.
Each time a contraction would hit, I would tell him to come push on me. I wanted pressure on my back and on my low abdomen, too. He would squeeze me while I leaned over, or tried to bend my back straight and put pressure on my back myself. Then when the contraction was over, he would go back to what he was doing. At some point this got frantic, where he realized that there was only a few minutes for him to get all this done before another contraction would come.
In the meantime, he was also communicating with our midwives and families. The apprentice, Cindy, was on her way over, and she had talked to Kim. They decided that she would do an exam to see how dilated I was, and then she'd let Kim know.
At some point, James talked to Kim, too, and she asked how I was doing, how he was doing. "Is she able to talk through the contractions?" Kim asked him.
"Uhhhh, no," he said, "she is pretty focused at this point ..."
So Cindy got to our house, apparently at 7:35, and came upstairs--I greeted her and a minute later a contraction hit--I bent over the bed and breathed through it as James pressed on me--at this point I was definitely starting to make some "vocalizations" (ie, moaning) through them. I remember when the contraction was done I stood up and looked at Cindy.
She was like: "Oh, am I making you feel self-conscious?"
And I was like: "No not at all, I'm looking at you like, 'Well, what do you think?'"
"I'm not sure what I think," she said, "I'd like to check you."
"Okay," I said. "After the next contraction how about?"
"Okay!"
So after the next contraction, I took off my pants and underwear and laid on the bed and Cindy put her hand inside to see how my cervix was doing. As she was doing this, another contraction hit me, and I said: "Another one is coming!"
"I'd like to feel your cervix while it is happening to see what happens, if that is okay," she said.
"Ahhh, okay," I said, even though, as I'd previously mentioned, laying down seemed unbearable to me at that point.
After the contraction was done, she let me get up, and said: "Well, you are well effaced and dilated." She didn't give me a number of centimeters, which turned out to be because she thought I was already 8-9 centimeters but she thought that that couldn't be right, so she just didn't say anything. But she did go call our main midwife and tell her she'd better get over there.
This was definitely the beginning of what they call "labor land" when you really lose touch of what is going on outside and your focus turns inward. I was aware of everyone and what they were saying, but my memory wasn't recording time or events--not in the same way as everyone else.
Something people don't realize about natural birth is that pain causes the release of endorphins, and more pain releases more endorphins, and endorphins are not only more powerful than morphine, but they cause a state of dissociation that puts a barrier up between you and the pain. I honestly think that medicated childbirth is probably more scary and painful in a lot of ways because you don't have this natural high, natural painkiller--and I really think it is stronger.
So now I am working off of the midwife's notes because I was in laborland. At some point I was in the birth tub. I got in to soothe me during the contractions, and the water was really warm. James ran back and forth bringing cold water into the tub--and later, taking some water out so it didn't overflow. The water felt good but I started to feel overheated, so I got out again.
Apparently my water broke at 8:00, and at this moment I thought to myself that I was in transition. We learned in the Bradley class that transition is marked by emotional upset, and when my water broke, I was already in very intense labor and was in the middle of a contraction, and it broke with the classic splash sound like in the movies. I was leaning over the birth tub and James was pushing on me, and when the water broke I saw there was meconium in it.
For those that don't know, meconium is the baby's first poop, and if they do it before they are born, they can breathe it in, which can cause serious problems. So when I saw that meconium I got really upset. "There's meconium." I said, and I started crying and leaning on James. I sort of bawled for like a minute, and James held me and said it was okay, and that Little James was fine, and it was okay.
I was worried but I also knew that I was in the middle of a road I couldn't turn back on, and I needed to stay focused and get the job done. So after my minute of sobbing and worry I pulled myself together and just decided to move past it.
Apparently ten minutes later I started to "sound pushy"--meaning that I had an "ugh" sound during the contraction. Again, I was making a lot of noise during the contractions, but it wasn't because it was PAINFUL (though obviously it kind of was), it was more like there was this crazy thing happening inside me and I had to let it out. I honestly didn't think I would be a person who made a lot of noise while I was in labor but I did. I yelled. But oh well, it's what I was doing. I seriously was not in control, I was just along on this ride of my birth, just like James and James were. I didn't feel like I had any more say in the situation than they did.
My main midwife, Kim, got there a few minutes later--it was now 8:15. They suggested that I go sit on the toilet to help the baby come down. So I waddled over there and sat myself down. This felt especially good because I was feeling like I had to poop and though I was prepared to poop while I had the baby, since apparently this is really common, I felt a little more free to do so on the toilet. So I was on the toilet for awhile, and I did poop a little, and the baby's head did come down.
According to the midwives I was already pushing at this point, but I never thought so. It didn't feel like pushing to me--again, I was just there and trying to let my body do its thing. I would sit on the toilet but would stand up over it during a contraction and sort of squat. Again, sitting or laying down at all during the labor did not feel good.
Mariclare got there while I was on the toilet. She was a little freaked out (apparently) so James (apparently) went to talk to her and calm her down. He gave her the video camera and told her I was making noise but everything was okay.
From this point I have the record from the video camera but the way it happened from inside me was different (I feel like I keep saying that). But at least I have a clearer idea of exactly what happened from this point.
So I got off of the toilet and was leaning/hanging on James during the contractions, and the midwives said that they had brought the birth ball into the bedroom and asked if I wanted to come lean on it while I was laboring. So I waddled back into the bedroom. James' Mom got to our house at this moment and I remember being worried that she would see me naked, LOL! I had a tank top on but hadn't put anything back on my bottom half since I got out of the birth tub. Anyway, she stayed downstairs, but I remember walking back to the room quickly so that she wouldn't see me from the bottom of the stairs--I find my concern so funny at this point.
So I went back into the bedroom and labored for a bit while leaning on the birth ball which was on my bed. At some point I wanted to start squatting. I guess this was when I started feeling like I was pushing, but honestly I still didn't feel like I was "pushing", and just now I remembered learning in the Bradley class how to hold my breath and push with my chin tucked down, and it is SO funny because I never once thought of this during labor. My body was just doing it--I know I keep saying that but it's just so true.
So then I was squatting, holding on to the side of the bed--the midwives apparently put a pad under me, and eventually a mirror--I'm realizing now how cool it was that they just did whatever I wanted to do--they made suggestions but it sort of felt like they just followed me around with their stuff and took care of me whereever I was and whatever I was doing there. It's not until this moment I'm really realizing how different things would have been under a "managed care" mentality. Most of the time, I was just doing the only thing I could do--I couldn't imagine someone telling me to do something else.
So I was squatting over the mirror and really started feeling pushy (but only in retrospect)--but I wasn't looking at the mirror. So when they said they could see his head, I honestly didn't even believe them. But I guess I felt like he was getting close because there was one contraction where there was a serious burning feeling in my cervix.
At this point, they asked me if I wanted to get back in the birth tub, so I could have a waterbirth, and catch my own baby. It was that burning feeling I was thinking of when I said: "Okay, maybe it would feel good."
It took me two contractions to get from the side of the bed about two feet away into the birth tub. I didn't want to put my legs together too much because I didn't want to push him back in. When I got into the water, it did feel really soothing--and the midwives said that if I put my hand down, I could feel his head. I touched this soft and squishy thing, and asked if it was really his head and they told me it was but I honestly didn't really believe them. On the one hand, it felt too soft and squishy to be the hard round head that had been pushed into my ribs and then pelvis for months.
And honestly, on the other hand, I just didn't believe that I was so close to having him. Labor hadn't been that difficult. How could I be already at the end? Wasn't it supposed to be way harder than this? There is a moment on the birth video after they told me that it was indeed his head, when all that is running through my head, and I have the funniest look of disbelief and "woah" on my face.
After one or two more contractions, I had a little break from contractions. Maybe like 3 minutes. I relaxed in the water while the midwives tried to get everything set up. They put a mirror on the bottom of the tub to see what was going on with me. After this little break, it was time to push him out. In one or two more contractions, his head was out. I reached down to feel it and I was almost panicky--I wanted it to be over, and I also was worried about his head being out underwater while his body was still in me.
"Get him out!" I said. But the midwives told me to wait and I would push him out on my next contraction. This was honestly the only contraction where I actively and intentionally "pushed". I wanted him out. So I pushed and all of a sudden he popped out! They brought him up through my legs so I could sit down and pick him up. This was 9:06am.
It was absolutely insane to see him. I just kept saying "My Baby! My Baby!", and James and Mariclare were crying. He didn't cry at first, but his eyes and face were moving so I knew he was alive. The midwives moved his arms around and rubbed his back, and finally they told me to rub his back from the bottom up, and I rubbed him way vigorously and he took his first breath and everyone cheered.
He was very gurgly and I was worried about him--they suctioned him and then I asked them to suction him again. But eventually he started to breathe better. Because of this slow start, his 1 minute apgar was only 5, but then his 5 minute one was an 8.
He was 8 lbs, 7 ozs, and 23 inches long, and beautiful.
**************************************************************************
I can honestly say that giving birth was far easier than I thought it would be. I attribute my fast and easy labor mostly to one thing--a lack of fear. I was able to get out of my own way and let my body do what it was made to do.
I had spent many years retraining and reconditioning my mind's perception of what birth was. I cleared out the scary pictures painted by movies and popular shows like Birth Story, and replaced it with positive messages about birth, the power of the woman's body, the ease and benefit of natural birthing . . . I worked hard to release any fear of birthing and instead turn birth into something that I was excited to face--a completely unique experience--a once in a lifetime opportunity to look into my soul and find out that I was strong.
One of the best movies for this was The Business of Being Born--the births that they show in here were SO relaxing and inspiring. But my favorite favorite resource was the book Journey Into Motherhood. It is a collection of inspiring natural birth stories, written by Moms. All of these stories are different--some in the hospital, some at home, some with midwives, some with doctors, some unassisted, some planned, some unplanned, with different approaches and using different preparation methods, but they have a common message.
Birth is normal.
There is a reward that comes from birthing naturally that is worth pursuing.
Birth is not something to be afraid of.
Women are powerful.
Women's bodies know what to do.
I read this book over and over and over. While I was reading, I let these stories wash over and into my mind, take away the fear and replace it with power. Take away the misconceptions and replace them with knowledge. Take away the reticence and replace it with excitement. And replace the nervousness with confidence.
By the time I went into labor, I was the powerful woman I had read about--the Mother. I could make a baby, and I could give him life. In doing so, I would find a further power and confidence that would make me into someone capable of caring for another person. I am powerful, I am wise, and I will guide and raise this child.
P.S. on Breastfeeding Products
I meant to say in my earlier post about breastfeeding that there is something else that has been saving me--I literally could not imagine how bad the nipple pain would be if it weren't for these: Lilypadz.
They are silicone pads that stick to your boobs. They not only keep them from leaking, but they also protect them and keep them from drying out. It is awesome because I can wear them at night without a shirt, and I can wear them under clothes without a bra. I literally cannot imagine any fabric rubbing against my nipples right now. I don't know how people live without these Lilypadz.
One last thing that has been awesome is this nipple butter. My friend Ella recommended it to me as an alternative to Lanolin, since Lanolin is sourced from sheep oils, and we're vegan. I'm sure Lanolin works great, too, but it was really nice to have a vegan alternative, and the nipple butter has been a lifesaver, too.
They are silicone pads that stick to your boobs. They not only keep them from leaking, but they also protect them and keep them from drying out. It is awesome because I can wear them at night without a shirt, and I can wear them under clothes without a bra. I literally cannot imagine any fabric rubbing against my nipples right now. I don't know how people live without these Lilypadz.
One last thing that has been awesome is this nipple butter. My friend Ella recommended it to me as an alternative to Lanolin, since Lanolin is sourced from sheep oils, and we're vegan. I'm sure Lanolin works great, too, but it was really nice to have a vegan alternative, and the nipple butter has been a lifesaver, too.
Milk Boobs
I can't describe the transformation of my boobs--particularly the left one. I started one pre-pregnancy as a B cup, then got to a C while pregnant, now I think they are double D's and look like fake boobs, they are so round and hard and taut.
And they are HOT. Before he eats, and they are full of milk, they are so hard and hot, it is just crazy.
And my nipples. God they are sore as hell. Particularly the left one (evil left boob)! I know I have him latched pretty good but they are still killer, especially during the initial clamp-down. And when he is done eating, my nipples are crazy--easily twice as big as they were when he began.
Besides this metaphorasis, and the pain factor of the left boob and letdown, breastfeeding is going really really well. I feel so lucky that I had a baby who would latch, my milk came in well, and him and I were able to get it figured out relatively quickly. I know lots of people aren't so lucky.
I also will attribute our success to having learned so much about breast feeding in the past three years though. My favorite book was Breastfeeding Made Simple, and the best best website is Kellymom. During the first day or two, when I was having trouble latching him, it is because of things I learned from THAT book that I was able to figure it out. And because of Kellymom, I know that things like cluster feeding and other breastfeeding behaviors are totally normal.
I'm so happy that breastfeeding is working for us, and I get to see something beautiful like this every day:
Birth Story in the works!
And they are HOT. Before he eats, and they are full of milk, they are so hard and hot, it is just crazy.
And my nipples. God they are sore as hell. Particularly the left one (evil left boob)! I know I have him latched pretty good but they are still killer, especially during the initial clamp-down. And when he is done eating, my nipples are crazy--easily twice as big as they were when he began.
Besides this metaphorasis, and the pain factor of the left boob and letdown, breastfeeding is going really really well. I feel so lucky that I had a baby who would latch, my milk came in well, and him and I were able to get it figured out relatively quickly. I know lots of people aren't so lucky.
I also will attribute our success to having learned so much about breast feeding in the past three years though. My favorite book was Breastfeeding Made Simple, and the best best website is Kellymom. During the first day or two, when I was having trouble latching him, it is because of things I learned from THAT book that I was able to figure it out. And because of Kellymom, I know that things like cluster feeding and other breastfeeding behaviors are totally normal.
I'm so happy that breastfeeding is working for us, and I get to see something beautiful like this every day:
Birth Story in the works!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
