James and I talked the other night and came to a few decisions about our adoption process (subject to change at any time, obviously!):
-We are not ready to start planning this, even if it would take 5-6 years to adopt from China and that was our original country and timeline.
-Russia will probably be a better option than China.
+The adoptions are quicker, so we could realistically wait 4 more years before beginning this process and could still be bringing our child(ren) home in 6 years.
+There are less restrictions about family size, parental age, how young the other children are, etc.
+My sister-in-law is Russian so our child(ren) would have the opportunity to spend his/her summer there with his/her Aunt and cousin(s). It is important to me that our child(ren) be able to have a tie with his/her/their homeland. We were originally thinking China because we have a lot of Chinese friends and exposure to the Chinese Culture, but realistically, Russia is actually a better option and our child(ren) would be able to speak Russian at family gatherings with their Aunt and cousins? That's amazing!
-And our final decision: We might be more interested in a sibling set (2 biological siblings), one infant, one 2 or 3. We discussed how much it might mean to our children to have a biological sibling--instead of being one among us, he/she would have someone who has gone through what they have gone through, common interests, etc. In terms of the healing that needs to happen with adopted children (especially older ones)--we think having a biological sibling will be huge, especially in their adult lives. Plus you can usually get "discounts" (seems like a weird word for it but yeah), meaning that it might not cost too much more to adopt two children than it costs to adopt one.
So that's that! This means I can spend the next 3 years or so endlessly researching international/Russian adoption and be totally "in the know" when we do decide we are ready to begin this process. So this may be the last you'll hear about it for a long while, ;-)
Expecting our Little Brother in November!
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Thoughts on Adoption
I have mentioned on here and in person to various friends and family offhand that we are thinking about adoption.
Adopting is something I've always thought of doing. My sister's boyfriend's family is a great example for me. His Mom was adopted, and his sister was adopted (from Korea? Vietnam? I should know but I'm not sure).
My sister has been dating her boyfriend for like . . . 7 years now. And in that time me and my sisters have talked often about adoption. Some have said that they don't want to have biological children and ONLY adopt (one more motivated by population issues, the other more motivated by "fear and unwillingness to push a baby out of her"), but later may have softened on that point. But I think all of us feel open to adoption (or primarily committed to it) as a way to grow our families, so it's something that's always been present on my mind.
But something changed in an acute way after having James. The postpartum and nursing hormones turned stories of abandoned children into the stuff nightmares are made of. And suddenly my thoughts and mind are haunted by an image of babies lined up in cribs on their backs, rows upon rows, and just feeling the connection I have with James, and feeling as if the bond between Mom and Babe is almost holy, the thought of babies out there without a Mom just makes me cry every single time I fully indulge it. So lonely and cold and hungry and wanting someone to love them! AH.
And so I suppose I feel most called to International Adoption--the most expensive and longest taking of all! Lucky me, haha. No but I do seriously feel lucky. And my heart is already connected to our little (daughter?) and I feel totally as if she is meant to be in our family. However she probably isn't even born yet, haha, but still! I feel the same connection toward my future next biological child and I felt the same connection to James while we were trying-to-conceive him.
But ironically planning an adoption is like "planning to try-to-conceive, trying (for a WHILE), and being pregnant" all in one--that is--it takes a LONG time. Especially International Adoption.
So even though my feeling about our adoption is that it is something for the future--like 5 or 6 years down the line--strangely, we should begin the process now and/or within the next year? It's crazy but true!
It's overwhelming and crazy but I'm totally excited at the same time. I guess the first step now is really to learn more--knowing me that means beginning (even more than I already do) to read more and more adoption blogs, and start to research which country will be the best option for us. Eeeek--it is super exciting. It feels very much like planning for any baby, to me--when to try and what that will mean for your life . . .
Okay, I am going to try to publish a Movie Monday post later today, as well!
Adopting is something I've always thought of doing. My sister's boyfriend's family is a great example for me. His Mom was adopted, and his sister was adopted (from Korea? Vietnam? I should know but I'm not sure).
My sister has been dating her boyfriend for like . . . 7 years now. And in that time me and my sisters have talked often about adoption. Some have said that they don't want to have biological children and ONLY adopt (one more motivated by population issues, the other more motivated by "fear and unwillingness to push a baby out of her"), but later may have softened on that point. But I think all of us feel open to adoption (or primarily committed to it) as a way to grow our families, so it's something that's always been present on my mind.
But something changed in an acute way after having James. The postpartum and nursing hormones turned stories of abandoned children into the stuff nightmares are made of. And suddenly my thoughts and mind are haunted by an image of babies lined up in cribs on their backs, rows upon rows, and just feeling the connection I have with James, and feeling as if the bond between Mom and Babe is almost holy, the thought of babies out there without a Mom just makes me cry every single time I fully indulge it. So lonely and cold and hungry and wanting someone to love them! AH.
And so I suppose I feel most called to International Adoption--the most expensive and longest taking of all! Lucky me, haha. No but I do seriously feel lucky. And my heart is already connected to our little (daughter?) and I feel totally as if she is meant to be in our family. However she probably isn't even born yet, haha, but still! I feel the same connection toward my future next biological child and I felt the same connection to James while we were trying-to-conceive him.
But ironically planning an adoption is like "planning to try-to-conceive, trying (for a WHILE), and being pregnant" all in one--that is--it takes a LONG time. Especially International Adoption.
So even though my feeling about our adoption is that it is something for the future--like 5 or 6 years down the line--strangely, we should begin the process now and/or within the next year? It's crazy but true!
It's overwhelming and crazy but I'm totally excited at the same time. I guess the first step now is really to learn more--knowing me that means beginning (even more than I already do) to read more and more adoption blogs, and start to research which country will be the best option for us. Eeeek--it is super exciting. It feels very much like planning for any baby, to me--when to try and what that will mean for your life . . .
Okay, I am going to try to publish a Movie Monday post later today, as well!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Breastfeeding an Adopted Baby
I have several friends and family members hoping to adopt. When we were trying to conceive James, I thought about what would happen if we ended up building our family primarily through adoption, and the number one regret I had at this idea was missing out on breastfeeding.
However, in the time since then, I've discovered that it is actually possible to breastfeed even if you have adopted your baby. Here is a basic outline of how you could proceed if you would like to try to breastfeed your adopted baby. You actually don't need to do ALL of these things, you can pick and choose which parts are going to work for you.
1. Before your bring your baby home (several months before, if possible), buy a high-quality, double electric breast pump. Start spending time every day stimulating your breasts by pumping them. You will not get any milk at first, but the stimulation builds up the prolactin levels in your body, which will start to stimulate your breasts to produce milk. It might be uncomfortable, especially at first, but the more and the longer you can do it, the better off you'll be. After a while, you might start to see tiny drops of milk coming from your breasts--this is a great sign!
If you have the time to do it, the goal should be to pump for 120 mins per day. You could do four 30 min sessions, five 25 min session, six 20 min sessions, etc. However, even if you can't get to this 120 min goal, as much as you can do will help.
If you start to get more than a couple of drops of breast milk, save and freeze the breast milk so that you can use it later on!
2. Start taking supplements to help your body produce more milk. Fenugreek, blessed thistle, and alfalfa, plus eat as much oatmeal as you can. The old-fashioned steel cut oats work best. You can also drink oat milk as an easy way to get more oats.
There is also a prescription medication that can be extremely helpful--domperidone. Talk to your doctor (ideally, at least three months before you bring your baby home) about getting a prescription.
3. Buy a supplemental nursing system. You can see how it works here. Basically, it allows you to supplement saved breastmilk and f0rmula AT the breast. So even if you decide NOT to do parts 1 and 2 above, you can still give f0rmula while providing you and baby the bonding experience of suckling at your breast.
4. Buy a nipple shield (especially if your baby is not a newborn). Babies who have gotten used to bottles will have a harder time feeling comfortable at the breast. A nipple shield can help the breast seem more like a bottle to your baby, which might help you transition them to the breast.
5. Offer your baby's birth mother the opportunity to sell you her breast milk. Some birth mothers are interested in pumping their milk and providing it to you for feeding your baby, at a negotiated cost. This can be beneficial for both parties. If your birth mother is willing to do this on the short or long term (even a week or two of breast milk can give your baby needed immunities), make sure she is educated on the proper handling and storage of breast milk.
This milk can be given in a bottle or through the supplemental nursing system.
6. Look on Milkshare, Eats on Feets, or another milk bank to see if you are able to get donor milk from a Mom other than your birth mother.
P.S. If you are a breastfeeding Mom and you find yourself with extra frozen breast milk, donors to milk banks are badly needed. Preemies and other babies with health issues are the first to benefit from donated milk!
7. Expect it to feel strange or unnatural at first. Even with my biological son, I have to admit there was a week or so of getting used to regarding my breasts as feeding implements. There can definitely be an initial weird-out factor. However, your love for your baby will quickly change the way you think about your breasts. Just stick with it and soon it could feel quite natural!
Be flexible, persistent, and have reasonable expectations. Most adopted Moms do need to supplement with f0rmula or donor milk, but every drop of your own milk you are able to give to your baby is going to feel awesome! Plus the experience of your baby suckling at your breast is really like no other--even if his/her main nutrition is actually coming through the supplemental nursing system!
Also, this is going to be more of a challenge the older your baby is. A newborn baby is pre-programmed to latch at the breast (though even for biological parents this can also be challenging), but the older a baby is, and the more bottles he/she has had, the harder it might be to get him/her comfortable at the breast.
Finally, here are some tips from Kellymom that might help--especially for an older baby.
There are also a great amount of resources out there on the web!
I hope this is helpful to someone--anyone who reads who has additional tips, please share in the comments! All experience and info wanted!
However, in the time since then, I've discovered that it is actually possible to breastfeed even if you have adopted your baby. Here is a basic outline of how you could proceed if you would like to try to breastfeed your adopted baby. You actually don't need to do ALL of these things, you can pick and choose which parts are going to work for you.
1. Before your bring your baby home (several months before, if possible), buy a high-quality, double electric breast pump. Start spending time every day stimulating your breasts by pumping them. You will not get any milk at first, but the stimulation builds up the prolactin levels in your body, which will start to stimulate your breasts to produce milk. It might be uncomfortable, especially at first, but the more and the longer you can do it, the better off you'll be. After a while, you might start to see tiny drops of milk coming from your breasts--this is a great sign!
If you have the time to do it, the goal should be to pump for 120 mins per day. You could do four 30 min sessions, five 25 min session, six 20 min sessions, etc. However, even if you can't get to this 120 min goal, as much as you can do will help.
If you start to get more than a couple of drops of breast milk, save and freeze the breast milk so that you can use it later on!
2. Start taking supplements to help your body produce more milk. Fenugreek, blessed thistle, and alfalfa, plus eat as much oatmeal as you can. The old-fashioned steel cut oats work best. You can also drink oat milk as an easy way to get more oats.
There is also a prescription medication that can be extremely helpful--domperidone. Talk to your doctor (ideally, at least three months before you bring your baby home) about getting a prescription.
3. Buy a supplemental nursing system. You can see how it works here. Basically, it allows you to supplement saved breastmilk and f0rmula AT the breast. So even if you decide NOT to do parts 1 and 2 above, you can still give f0rmula while providing you and baby the bonding experience of suckling at your breast.
4. Buy a nipple shield (especially if your baby is not a newborn). Babies who have gotten used to bottles will have a harder time feeling comfortable at the breast. A nipple shield can help the breast seem more like a bottle to your baby, which might help you transition them to the breast.
5. Offer your baby's birth mother the opportunity to sell you her breast milk. Some birth mothers are interested in pumping their milk and providing it to you for feeding your baby, at a negotiated cost. This can be beneficial for both parties. If your birth mother is willing to do this on the short or long term (even a week or two of breast milk can give your baby needed immunities), make sure she is educated on the proper handling and storage of breast milk.
This milk can be given in a bottle or through the supplemental nursing system.
6. Look on Milkshare, Eats on Feets, or another milk bank to see if you are able to get donor milk from a Mom other than your birth mother.
P.S. If you are a breastfeeding Mom and you find yourself with extra frozen breast milk, donors to milk banks are badly needed. Preemies and other babies with health issues are the first to benefit from donated milk!
7. Expect it to feel strange or unnatural at first. Even with my biological son, I have to admit there was a week or so of getting used to regarding my breasts as feeding implements. There can definitely be an initial weird-out factor. However, your love for your baby will quickly change the way you think about your breasts. Just stick with it and soon it could feel quite natural!
Be flexible, persistent, and have reasonable expectations. Most adopted Moms do need to supplement with f0rmula or donor milk, but every drop of your own milk you are able to give to your baby is going to feel awesome! Plus the experience of your baby suckling at your breast is really like no other--even if his/her main nutrition is actually coming through the supplemental nursing system!
Also, this is going to be more of a challenge the older your baby is. A newborn baby is pre-programmed to latch at the breast (though even for biological parents this can also be challenging), but the older a baby is, and the more bottles he/she has had, the harder it might be to get him/her comfortable at the breast.
Finally, here are some tips from Kellymom that might help--especially for an older baby.
There are also a great amount of resources out there on the web!
I hope this is helpful to someone--anyone who reads who has additional tips, please share in the comments! All experience and info wanted!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Abuse and Neglect
I'm a sensitive person in general--it is difficult to hear about others' problems because I picture how it must be, and feel bad. I guess I am highly empathetic--when someone around me is upset, I am also upset.
So stories of people abusing kids and babies have always haunted me. Literally, like I think of many of these stories over and over and feel bad and sometimes nauseous, over and over, and I never forget.
So it's always been bad, but now, since having James, it is ridiculous. My sister or someone was telling me that before unions and labor laws, lots of women, after having a baby, could not take any time off of work, and could not afford to get someone to watch the baby. So for 8, 10, 12 or more hours, the baby would be left alone while the Mom and Dad worked.
The thought of a tiny infant being completely alone for that long brings me to tears. I just picture their loneliness, the hunger gnawing at their stomachs--crying until they were too exhausted to cry, missing their Mom so much, losing hope, and finally, accepting that their needs were not important, or worse . . .
God it just kills me! And then there are the people who intentionally neglect or abuse--and I've heard before that profound neglect is worse than abuse, and since this picture came into my head of the lonely infant, I have to agree.
Since having James, I just CAN'T imagine HOW people could neglect or abuse their children. Let alone those mothers who freaking push their kids into a lake and stuff. I just don't get it. The thought of James even being hurt is tearful--losing him altogether is unimaginable, and it's a biological imperative. Every part of him is designed to make people, me and his Dad especially, want to care for him. Every part of me is designed to want to and be able to care for him . . .
Something must be very very wrong in people that could ignore these instincts--or maybe they are missing them altogether . . .
Now all these babies pass through my mind--in overstuffed orphanages where they just can't possibly get enough love or attention . . . in abusive home situations . . . I just want to rescue them all--it just seems so wrong that a tiny infant could be neglected--and yet I know it happens all the time all over the world. I just want to take care of all of them.
But I can't. All I can do it care for my baby. And since all these visions entered my mind, you can bet that I am holding him a little closer and loving him a little extra for all those babies that I can't hold.
So stories of people abusing kids and babies have always haunted me. Literally, like I think of many of these stories over and over and feel bad and sometimes nauseous, over and over, and I never forget.
So it's always been bad, but now, since having James, it is ridiculous. My sister or someone was telling me that before unions and labor laws, lots of women, after having a baby, could not take any time off of work, and could not afford to get someone to watch the baby. So for 8, 10, 12 or more hours, the baby would be left alone while the Mom and Dad worked.
The thought of a tiny infant being completely alone for that long brings me to tears. I just picture their loneliness, the hunger gnawing at their stomachs--crying until they were too exhausted to cry, missing their Mom so much, losing hope, and finally, accepting that their needs were not important, or worse . . .
God it just kills me! And then there are the people who intentionally neglect or abuse--and I've heard before that profound neglect is worse than abuse, and since this picture came into my head of the lonely infant, I have to agree.
Since having James, I just CAN'T imagine HOW people could neglect or abuse their children. Let alone those mothers who freaking push their kids into a lake and stuff. I just don't get it. The thought of James even being hurt is tearful--losing him altogether is unimaginable, and it's a biological imperative. Every part of him is designed to make people, me and his Dad especially, want to care for him. Every part of me is designed to want to and be able to care for him . . .
Something must be very very wrong in people that could ignore these instincts--or maybe they are missing them altogether . . .
Now all these babies pass through my mind--in overstuffed orphanages where they just can't possibly get enough love or attention . . . in abusive home situations . . . I just want to rescue them all--it just seems so wrong that a tiny infant could be neglected--and yet I know it happens all the time all over the world. I just want to take care of all of them.
But I can't. All I can do it care for my baby. And since all these visions entered my mind, you can bet that I am holding him a little closer and loving him a little extra for all those babies that I can't hold.
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