My good head-down baby

So as I predicted, James flipped over. He actually was already diagonally head down when we went last Wednesday for our 3D u/s. In the day or two after that, he settled down even more into my pelvis, which made me significantly more comfortable. Suddenly I find myself able to breathe and having a few more inches of bending over room. My sides aren't bursting to split and his head isn't constantly digging into my ribs. Wooohooo.

This new development caused everyone at my shower to say that "he dropped" and "he'll come early", etc. I don't think so, people. Just because he was awkwardly high and breech before and now he is vertex, and so, lower in my pelvis does NOT mean that he is actually engaged and "dropped". I do NOT have the "bowling ball between the legs" feeling. Furthermore, I think despite being head down that he is still in somewhat of an awkward position, sort of facing sideways. Now that he is head down, we will work next on being anterior since he is still somewhat posterior.

He and I will have some mental chats about presentation in the weeks to come, and there are some exercises to encourage him to go anterior. So even though he is now head down, we aren't quite "ready to go".

I'm 34 weeks today which means 2 more weeks until we are set for our home birth. (If he came before 36 weeks we would have to go to the hospital.) So I am not listening to all you naysayers telling me he is going to come early . . . most guesses have been between Nov 6th and Nov 12th. (Big) James, my much more realistic husband, is guessing the 22nd, on the other hand.

The average pregnancy time for a first time Mom is 41 weeks and 1 day, which would be November 24th . . . so I'm not getting too excited either way. I'm guessing he will come in November sometime. I would be more than happy to meet him on the earlier side, but then again, the Harry Potter 7 movie comes out on the 19th, so if I'm still pregnant then, we could go to that. :-)

It's definitely getting there, though. Six (or four or eight) weeks seems like SO long but also no time at all! I hope it feels short, as I'm excited to meet him. Yet we have a long list of things to get done before he gets here as well. :-)

Surprise Shower (and aftermath!)

So on Saturday I headed off to what I thought was a dinner for my Dad's birthday at my Grandma's house. I had made a version of a pineapple upside down cake where I put the pineapple in the middle of two layers and frosted the top (it ended up amazing, OMG!). Pineapple Upside Down Cake is my Dad's favorite. :-D

James and I arrived with presents in hand for my Dad for his birthday and my Mom for her birthday which we'd neglected to give her months ago. :-/

My Mom and Grandma said that we should go down to the community room to find my Dad who was apparently down there for some reason, and to see a new painting she had done that was hanging there.

I walked in to a roomful of my nearest and dearest friends and family members shouting "surprise", and was shocked and pretty immediately overwhelmed--see it here--I wasn't even sure where to start and what to do!! But I recovered, hugged everyone, and got down to present opening.

I got SO many amazing and beautiful things! I will right now thank my family for getting me SO much useful stuff off of my registry--I have heard from (online) friends in other regions of the U.S. that no one EVER buys off of the registry where they are from, and they always get just clothes and cute things from their shower but not any of the big useful things. I'm SO glad we don't live in any of those areas!

I still got a TON of adorable clothes, blankets, toys and homemade things that were not on my registry (which I also adore), but it is definitely amazing that I got so many of the practical things (car seats for both our cars, cradle/swing, high chair, boppy, thermometer, moby wrap, activity bouncer, cloth diapers, etc). These things make us so much more prepared to welcome little James into our life!

Now there are relatively few things that James and I need to get to be totally ready for Lil James and it makes it a lot easier. (Especially since we also got some gift cards and coupons!).

People have asked me repeatedly if I was really surprised. Well, I was definitely shocked and surprised. However, of course I had some thought that this could be my shower because I only have 6 weeks left until my due date now--so any situation in which I was asked to be somewhere at some time I would have had the thought that this *could be* it. So of course I sort of thought it could be it, especially when I actually got to Grandma's house--something just seemed funny and being asked to walk down to the community center of course I thought it could be it.

But Mom and my sisters (and James) did a really good job of throwing me off and making me unsure or think that I guess it wasn't going to be the shower--like telling me that Mare wasn't going to be there because she made plans with a friend, or asking me to make a cake, or talking about how Gram M. was really excited to have us over for a vegan dinner, etc.

So while I was suspicious, I think I was the least suspicious I could have been at that point. I was also suspicious at the last 4 family gatherings, so I was definitely still surprised.

It was amazing to see everyone--especially those people who had to come from far away/busy life situations--Heather, Jessie, Yaling, Clare and Beth . . . I LOVE that people were able to meet some of my loved ones that they might not have met before. :-)

Aftermath:

So we brought all the stuff home, luckily Marilyn lives in the same town as us and was able to bring stuff in her car.

When we got home, Mare (and James, since he hadn't seen it all in the first place) insisted on going through everything again--which was good because it gave us a chance to organize a bit.

James set up the cradle/swing right away, and then the high chair. We took the car seats out and played with them, went through all the clothes again, took off tags and labels from toys and some of the things. I put the waterproof cover and slipcover on the boppy pillow . . .

And then we were still surrounded by mountains of baby stuff--some set up and in place and others still piled. James said it looked like our house with baby things superimposed into it.

I think for both of us, things have seemed a lot more "real" since we came home with all these things and started integrating them into our lives. I washed the receiving blankets and put them away, I washed the adorable hooded towels and baby washcloths and put them with our towels, I sorted the larger sized clothes from the smaller sized, and washed the first load of white T shirts, little socks, cloth diapers, bibs, and burp pads . . .

I am still surrounded by mountains of baby stuff but every day I do a little bit and things get a bit more under control . . .

And yet last night was the first night since the shower that I didn't have baby-anxiety insomnia . . . plenty of friends of mine have had this throughout the whole pregnancy, but I am a champion sleeper and have lost little to no sleep throughout the entire pregnancy experience. Until now. It is suddenly real in a whole new way--it's like there is no going back from here (not that that hasn't been true for awhile, but my mind just got it)--I'm not nervous about the birth or having a baby, but I guess our life is about to change drastically--it's a lot to take in.

But the excitement now is also palpable. I can't wait to meet my squishy baby.

Thanks for the amazing shower, everyone! I love you!

New Cousin!

I was surprised with my baby shower yesterday, which I will later write about in more detail . . .

But one of the best presents I got was that I just found out that my cousin Dave's girlfriend is pregnant, and due in April!! My baby will have a cousin only 5 months younger than him!!

I am so thrilled for them--I had just met her for the first time last month (they live in Florida), and she was so shiny and beautiful, and my cousin looked so happy and in love--now I guess I know why! Not that she wasn't beautiful and he wasn't in love with her before, but when a girl is carrying his baby (and he's happy about it) the guy has this special way of looking at her like there is nothing more beautiful in the world--and that's how they were last month when I saw them. They were both glowing.

Maybe next summer we'll have to plan a little trip to Florida so we can see their place and our babies can bond. :-)

Yay for babies!

Awareness

I'm not sure what to title this post . . .

For 2.5 years, James and I tried to get pregnant. We did it in our slow, stilted, and much inspired by natural cures and interventions sort of way. When we did start working with an RE (reproductive endocrinologist)--he was our kind of guy. He didn't start any intervention without being sure that it was really what we needed. So most of our time with him was testing, testing, testing. But I can't complain, because his approach forced me to learn more about what was really going on with my body, and to be proactive in getting exactly the interventions we needed and no more.

So even though it took us awhile, we never did a single Clomid cycle, let alone IUI or IVF. In the end, all it took for me was Metformin, a gluten-free/reduced diet, and progesterone supplements once pregnancy was confirmed . . .

And now I feel so blessed to be less than two months away from having an "outside baby" . . .

But in that 2.5 years, I "met" people. Both online and in person, and I began to realize that the infertility struggle is one that is both common and often undertaken in relative silence. People don't necessarily tell their friends, family, or coworkers why it hasn't happened yet, and they often choke down (with a forced giggle) the pain that comes along with people asking when they plan on having a baby. If only it was so simple, right?

Today my heart is with my friend in the middle of her first cycle of IVF--she struggled to even get mentally to the place where this was an option for her, and yet nothing else worked. I hope and pray that this is what works for her, and that a month from now, she will have a secret miracle of her own.

My heart is with another friend on her second cycle of IUI with injectibles, designed to overstimulate the ovaries, to give her a better chance than just regular IUI--I'm hoping that the good response she is getting so far means that this is it for her, too.

My heart is with another friend who has done several cycles of IUI with no success. I'm hoping whatever she tries next is what does it for her . . .

My heart is with a sister in law who is trying . . .

With a cousin who is trying . . .

And with another cousin who tried everything, everything, and now has opened her heart to adoption. I know her child is out there and I hope they will be together soon.

My heart is with a friend who tried everything except IVF--she can't feel that that is Nature's Way, and now works to accept a life without children. I hope she finds peace or a new solution.

Mostly, as my own belly grows heavy and my child is complete, just know that I am aware of all of you. You shine like points of light when I close my eyes. You each would make amazing mothers. I'm not sure what God or the Universe means by putting us through these tests, these struggles . . . but I hope that your children find you, bless you, and embrace you.

To everyone else out there--be aware. Be sensitive. You may not know the silent suffering of a friend or coworker. You may not know that your happiness, your blessings, your children, can bring pain because of the reminder of what is missing . . . be loving and grateful. Excuse things that you don't understand . . . be aware.

Much love to all today.