Abuse and Neglect

I'm a sensitive person in general--it is difficult to hear about others' problems because I picture how it must be, and feel bad. I guess I am highly empathetic--when someone around me is upset, I am also upset.

So stories of people abusing kids and babies have always haunted me. Literally, like I think of many of these stories over and over and feel bad and sometimes nauseous, over and over, and I never forget.

So it's always been bad, but now, since having James, it is ridiculous. My sister or someone was telling me that before unions and labor laws, lots of women, after having a baby, could not take any time off of work, and could not afford to get someone to watch the baby. So for 8, 10, 12 or more hours, the baby would be left alone while the Mom and Dad worked.

The thought of a tiny infant being completely alone for that long brings me to tears. I just picture their loneliness, the hunger gnawing at their stomachs--crying until they were too exhausted to cry, missing their Mom so much, losing hope, and finally, accepting that their needs were not important, or worse . . .

God it just kills me! And then there are the people who intentionally neglect or abuse--and I've heard before that profound neglect is worse than abuse, and since this picture came into my head of the lonely infant, I have to agree.

Since having James, I just CAN'T imagine HOW people could neglect or abuse their children. Let alone those mothers who freaking push their kids into a lake and stuff. I just don't get it. The thought of James even being hurt is tearful--losing him altogether is unimaginable, and it's a biological imperative. Every part of him is designed to make people, me and his Dad especially, want to care for him. Every part of me is designed to want to and be able to care for him . . .

Something must be very very wrong in people that could ignore these instincts--or maybe they are missing them altogether . . .

Now all these babies pass through my mind--in overstuffed orphanages where they just can't possibly get enough love or attention . . . in abusive home situations . . . I just want to rescue them all--it just seems so wrong that a tiny infant could be neglected--and yet I know it happens all the time all over the world. I just want to take care of all of them.

But I can't. All I can do it care for my baby. And since all these visions entered my mind, you can bet that I am holding him a little closer and loving him a little extra for all those babies that I can't hold.