So I feel like my life is totally insane right now.
Some of the big things are getting worked out--I'm pregnant, I have a plan for what to do with school and career, I have a husband I love.
But it seems like all the details are water running through my fingers and I look around in a panic.
I wrote before about cleaning/organizing our bedroom and upstairs. I'm glad we got started on this immensely insane project (don't even get me started on why this is so difficult), but now, being in the middle is just making me feel crazy, that nothing is set--my books which may be connected to my soul are strewn in piles and I already know that we don't have enough bookshelves.
Okay, now I want to get into why this is so difficult--I have trouble throwing things away. There, I said it. I don't have as much of a problem "letting go of things"--when my sister moved into an apartment for the first time, I made her a care package with dishes, silverware, etc. I like giving things away--I like recycling broken things, I like donating to Salvation Army. But when I am staring at, say, a ribbon or an old CD, I feel like a WWII survivor is suddenly being channeled into me and saying: THINK OF ALL THE USES OF THIS ITEM!! DO NOT THROW IT AWAY.
I know that some men's trash is another men's treasure, but to me, everything seems like a treasure--if something is broken, fine, throw it away (unless it is electronic and should be recycled), but if it is simply superfluous, unwanted, unneeded, I just FEEL the fact that TONS of people around the world WOULD want or need the thing and the idea of filling up a landfill with it just turns my stomach. I've also been known to cry upon discovering, say, an over-ripe pineapple. I feel the waste echo through me like a sin.
James is no saint in terms of this either, and he as well as myself has things like: boxes of old notebooks, boxes of old CD's and video games and broken stereos, etc.
So when we speak of cleaning and organizing our upstairs rooms, these boxes of crap that are still leftover from my annexing of James' office (he could not keep it clean or even usable so now it is the guest room) need to be gone through and to do a proper job takes hours of concentration on ONE box of stuff. So I am significantly overwhelmed by this task, though I(we) already made a lot of progress, to be honest.
Other overwhelming things include:
Our cat emergency, which is badly deserving of its own post.
Our laundry. Nuf said.
Food: My stomach has been off for a few days. I'm thinking the oil or vegan butter I used to cook stuff at my Mom's house might be rancid. I can't think of what else it might be. But all I've eaten today so far is 1.5 apples. :-/ Hopefully I will start feeling hungrier soon.
My internet life/world:
- I am the CL (community leader) of two message board groups on i-village--so I'm responsible for responding to people and being "there", especially at the beginning of the month where I have to set up new buddy threads for people . . . details details, but considering I don't have a job, it is something I try to take seriously. One of the boards I CL for has about 20-40 regular members, the other one has over 100--so it is a pretty serious task to stay on top of them.
- I am pretty into reading blogs. This is something that obviously doesn't really matter to anyone else, but when I am behind on reading my favorite blogs (and writing in my own blog), I definitely get a sense of disorganization and as if I am behind/slacking off or something.
- Facebook. I try to keep up with my news feed. But I was so busy this week, I am not going to go back and read every SINGLE thing for an entire week.
I actually made some progress with this over the last two days and this morning. Yesterday I did most of the work I needed to do on the message boards (though there is always more to do, I did the essential "new month" things). I also caught up on Facebook. This morning, more catching up on Facebook, including going through all my notifications. I also went through most of my blogs this morning--I am almost totally caught up--plus I wrote one blog and this is my second.
So I'm actually feeling slightly less crazy because my internet world is getting a little more organized. Hopefully this afternoon I will be able to work more on the upstairs rooms.
Expecting our Little Brother in November!
8 comments:
I so feel for you...I was in your place around the same time in my pregnancy. I was freaking out that our office wasn't cleaned out and that our cupboards(which still aren't done) weren't cleaned out to get ready for the baby.
DH and I also have a hard time throwing things away.. He gets super mad about food being thrown and I HATE leftovers. and we have boxes that we haven't unpacked in the 6 years we have been at our house. But I did start going through things.
For the things that "what would I ever do with this, but don't want to forget" I take a picture of it and then goodwill it or throw it depending on it's condition. I did that with my letterman's jacket and a whole bunch of things from my childhood that weren't special enough to keep or display, but I didn't want to forget. It's really easy then to discard of it. If you have an ipod, you can download itunes and then load all your CD's onto your computer and then get rid of them for someone else to enjoy.
Good luck and try to take things one day at a time, that's what I have learned that helps the most. :)
And don't worry so much about IV - you are a wonderful CL and we couldn't ask for any better, but if you miss something here and there its not the end of the world.
Thanks for the advice and understanding Jess--I think you're right, we just have to take it one day at a time. I am SO SO glad that today is Friday so we have two weekend days ahead of us to work on this stuff. :-)
random thoughts:
i realized recently why it is i dislike moving so much. it reminds me how heavy i really am. how much i have- and how much of it is not serving a function for me in my life. the things i hold on to are the things where i say "one day i will use this". while for some of this is that statement is true, most of the time, i'm holding on for other reasons. and holding on for a future that doesn't yet exist doesn't help me to be PRESENT in the present.
the best things in life aren't things. -my favorite pin
you don't have to throw things away- i don't throw things away, i give things away. giving feels good! have a party and invite people to come take things.
and also, thanks for taking the beautiful hanging glass vases- you were a good home for them!
put things in your front yard and put a sign up that says free- adrienne, i KNOW that two hours from when people start to take things, you will not feel bad. you might feel better!
also, check out one of my favorite favorite blogs on minimalism. http://mnmlist.com
I feel like everything is overwhelming me too lately. I have been traveling for the past two weeks and it has basically been hell for me. I usually enjoy, or can at least tolerate, traveling, but these past couple of weeks have been absolute torture. It doesn't help that eating while traveling is never the same, so my stomach has been really "off" lately too. I feel like I'm back in week 8 with my nausea and weakness!
Ugh - anyway, sorry for the rant. You're definitely not alone with your feelings though. Just try your best, and figure out what's really important and do those things first.
(((hugs)))
Jess B--Thanks, that is a great idea to put things out there with a free sign. Especially come the last week of August when all the college students need things to fill up their houses.
I will def check out that blog too!
Alyssa--I have had that same problem with traveling and my stomach being "off", and it is so hellish when you are pregnant for some reason!
let me know if/when you need help this weekend!! miss you...and i love to read your blog...
Hey Bitch!
I totally understand about throwing things away. I always think about the fact that a ribbon could be useful for something, or a piece of clothing that can be altered slightly and then wearable. Add that tendency for pack-rat-ism (new word!) to my need for art supplies, and you get a LOT of junk that never gets used.
Especially because I can always say that something can be used for an art project, I tend to acquire lots of things that pile up and never get looked at for years. When I moved out of my studio I gave away/ threw away SO many art supplies, papers, magazine clippings, stubs of pencils, markers and pens that didn't work, the list goes on. At the end of it, I only had one set of drawers of supplies, a big box of supplies, stretchers, and a box of things on paper that I decided to keep. I also have two boxes of my b/w photography. But considering I filled that space with stuff all year, this was an extremely small amount to bring with me.
As far as memories, I had tons of notebooks and boxes of old toys etc that I had been keeping. Last summer when I came back from Glasgow I decided to get rid of everything that wasn't truly meaningful. I found so much stuff and even though you are adding to a landfill, you lighten your own self when you discard useless stuff. Additionally, I found meaningful things that had been buried in crap.
Point is...I am sort of an expert on getting rid of stuff! I want to come help you go through boxes and boxes, it can actually be fun. Wearing a dust mask. LOL
LOL! Thanks Clare and Laur--I will definitely have to take you guys up on that stuff!
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