If you haven't heard about my new blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
The middle of the spring semester of my sophomore year--we were on the cusp of invading Iraq, the harsh winter was finally ending, and I was dating Norm at the time. Here's a poem by him and a post by me about him (hehe).
10th February 2003
9:42am: Norm's Poem
THE CROSS
The birds
The birds
we've seen them flying
we know they fly south
we wish we could be like them
too cold
go south
that easy
we've seen them flying
flying
flying
in a V
in a W
mostly in V's
for N V
envy
N V how they just fly south
envy
but
butt
buttocks
to interject
these birds
who's northern home
Mirror Lake
most people find disgusting bla bla bla bla bla
these birds
will
not
fly
south
these birds will not fly south
it's been too cold to bear
too cold to speak
too cold to breathe
for months now
but
these birds
will not fly south
Months ago I remember screaming at them
"FLY SOUTH!"
"FLY SOUTH!"
people stared at me as though I was the fool
but
but
I was simply afraid
because
I have always been told
I have always seen
I have always known
That when it gets cold
The Birds
fly south
but
these birds
will not
fly south
some days ago
a friend of mine expressed the same concerns
why?
why?
won't the birds fly south?
don't they get cold?
there's hardly any non-frozen lake left bla bla bla bla bla
and then
just days ago
I was told of the one
the one
and today
in passing
I saw the one
feet planted straight
back fully bent back fully bent back fully bent back fully bent back
only feet away from the small pool
where the birds
who still do not fly south
swim
and chant
head and wings on the cold surface
crucified
it died
in glory
and the name of order
and madness
and the hammer that smashes them both
like cracking ice
5:56pm
Current Mood: dichotomous
I don't even know what I want to say.
Complacency causes laziness <--- in Psych, we call this a directional
theory. As in, you have to prove not only that complacency and laziness are related, but that one CAUSES the other.
With that said. Complacency is what I think of as the Lack of a "fear factor". A fear factor, in my mind, is the fear that the person that you love will fall out of love with you. The fear factor causes people to get up in the morning to brush their teeth, so when their lover kisses them in the morning, they get a fresh clean mouth. The fear factor causes people to watch their weight, to shave, to shower, to dress nicely, to speak nicely, to do favors, to be attentive, etc etc etc.
Complacency is the comfortableness of the lack of a fear factor. Complacency is knowing that your lover will not leave you--they love you too much. Complacency in itself is not bad. But what is bad is that without the FEAR FACTOR, people get lazy.
I'm not saying I am not guilty of this. I am.
But with all that said: SHAVE NORM YOU MOTHERFUCKER
Expecting our Little Brother in November!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
6 Month Photo Shoot!
Mariclare and Sky came over the other day and Mariclare got some awesome pictures of james!
Check out her blog post about it here to see some pics of my adorable munchkin!
Check out her blog post about it here to see some pics of my adorable munchkin!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Six Month Goals Update and Setting Nine Month Goals
So I had some goals by the time james was six months old, let's see how we're doing . . .
1. Lose (most of) my pregnancy weight.
Done!
2. Get james down to three one-hour naps per day at specific times.
Ummmm. Well he definitely naps now around 10, 1, 4 for an hour each. But then he also sometimes takes mininaps in the evening or morning, but I guess now that I think about it, we are pretty close to this goal!
3. Clean out the room across from ours so we can paint and make a room for james.
Definitely not achieved, however, we've put some work in, probably cleared out at least half of the stuff and organized another quarter or so to be ready for a tag sale. So I think with another good weekend of work we could be ready to paint. So that's still on the to-do list!
Now to set some goals for the next three months!
1. Finish cleaning out the room, plan the mural and paint it. Get furniture put together and moved in and everything ready in there, basically (though we'll probably keep james' bed in our room for 3 more months to let the paint outgas before he starts sleeping in there).
2. Clean out the garage and arrange a section to stage our tag sale from.
3. Get everything set for our tag sale, have it at the end of the summer.
1. Lose (most of) my pregnancy weight.
Done!
2. Get james down to three one-hour naps per day at specific times.
Ummmm. Well he definitely naps now around 10, 1, 4 for an hour each. But then he also sometimes takes mininaps in the evening or morning, but I guess now that I think about it, we are pretty close to this goal!
3. Clean out the room across from ours so we can paint and make a room for james.
Definitely not achieved, however, we've put some work in, probably cleared out at least half of the stuff and organized another quarter or so to be ready for a tag sale. So I think with another good weekend of work we could be ready to paint. So that's still on the to-do list!
Now to set some goals for the next three months!
1. Finish cleaning out the room, plan the mural and paint it. Get furniture put together and moved in and everything ready in there, basically (though we'll probably keep james' bed in our room for 3 more months to let the paint outgas before he starts sleeping in there).
2. Clean out the garage and arrange a section to stage our tag sale from.
3. Get everything set for our tag sale, have it at the end of the summer.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Preventing Early Weaning/Update on PFB
Mare Asks Q: I don't get it - isn't the point of baby led weaning for the baby to go at its own pace? So like if the child is exciting about eating and wants to eat more - why wouldn't you get them naturally do that if that is what they want to do? It seems like you are trying to force him to breastfeed more?
Couldn't he still get the benefits of breast milk through things like breastmilk "yogurt" (if you did that) and cereal with breastmilk, things like that? So he feels like he is "eating" but still with breastmilk involved?
A: The point of baby led weaning is for them to eat food at their own pace. However, like I said, there is a lot of evidence that too much solids too soon (especially with an active and interested in food sort of baby) can lead to early weaning (which to me means before 2 years old). I was, in fact, one such baby who had three meals of pureed food a day from 6 months and loved it, and also was extremely active. It was easy for me to decide not to nurse (I think around 9/10 months old). But I don't want james to wean early, so what interventions can I put into place now?
As he starts eating cereal with milk and more solids I will definitely give him breast milk that way, too, but I would prefer if I could keep him nursing as well until he is at least two--that is the ideal way for him to take at least some of his daily breast milk. If he wasn't still nursing I would feel like I needed to give him some other kind of milk which I don't want to do. If we weren't vegan MAYBE it wouldn't be such a big deal to me, but it still might be.
According to the WHO, 80-90% of a toddler's nutrition at one year should come from breast milk (ideally)--meaning nursing pretty much as often as you had always been, MAYBE dropping ONE feeding by a year; and 25% of their nutrition at TWO should STILL come from breast milk--which is nursing at least once or twice per day. So I'm going to do all I can to keep him nursing until then, including adding night feeds if I have to.
You cannot FORCE a child to breast feed, and just as an overtired child can refuse to sleep even though it's what he needs, an overstimulated and hungry baby can not initially seem interested in nursing, but it might be exactly what he needs. As parents, one responsibility is to anticipate and meet your child's needs even when your child doesn't know that that is what he needs/wants.
I have seen many people wean sooner than they planned (which might end up working out for them, or they might have regrets and wonder what they could have done to keep the child nursing). So part of what I am having this intervention is to see, if you are in the position of seeing your baby begin to nurse less, if there are things you could do to turn them back to nursing more . . .
(Transitioning into an update on Project Fat Baby (PFB) now . . . )
So even though I've only been doing these things for a week or so now, I think it is already making a difference. Here's where I have implemented changes and what the effect has been:
1. I have stopped attempting to do anything else while nursing him. I have resigned myself to the fact that nursing is a two person job requiring both of our 100% focus. I have stopped attempting to (watch TV, read book or kindle, text, take pictures, go online, etc) while nursing. I stare at the baby so he can focus on eating.
Due to this intervention, I can more often get james to have a full feeding in between naps if he gets hungry. Before this intervention, he would only stick around for one letdown max--now I can get 2-4 into him.
2. I have started laying down to nurse him to sleep (or nearly) for every nap. I was doing this sometimes before, but if he's eaten recently I would skip it. Now I do it every time.
Due to this intervention, I have added some feeds to his day, and most importantly, these before nap/falling asleep feeds are usually really long. That's why it helps so much to lay down with him--I'm able to be patient and let him nurse as long as he wants. When I was holding him sitting up, I would cut him off at some point when he slowed down because I was tired, but this way he keeps eating for longer more often. The milk at the very end of the feed (when the breast feels empty) is the fattiest, so it should make a difference to get some WHOLE (fatty) milk into the boy.
3. We have started bed-sharing full time.
This helps a TON, I think. Specifically, it adds one feed when we go to bed (which I would sometimes do before, too), and he nurses sort of non-stop or over and over from like (5? 6? I couldn't even say), maybe every hour or half hour, until I decide to get up, usually like 9 or so. Before we were bed-sharing, we would move him over to his swing a lot for the early morning and he wouldn't nurse as much, though obviously at least still twice in that time (first wake up and again a couple hours later). Overall I would say he could be eating as much as twice during this time, and definitely more high-fat milk.
So, our next appointment is on June 15th--then we'll see if this has worked at all! ;-)
Couldn't he still get the benefits of breast milk through things like breastmilk "yogurt" (if you did that) and cereal with breastmilk, things like that? So he feels like he is "eating" but still with breastmilk involved?
A: The point of baby led weaning is for them to eat food at their own pace. However, like I said, there is a lot of evidence that too much solids too soon (especially with an active and interested in food sort of baby) can lead to early weaning (which to me means before 2 years old). I was, in fact, one such baby who had three meals of pureed food a day from 6 months and loved it, and also was extremely active. It was easy for me to decide not to nurse (I think around 9/10 months old). But I don't want james to wean early, so what interventions can I put into place now?
As he starts eating cereal with milk and more solids I will definitely give him breast milk that way, too, but I would prefer if I could keep him nursing as well until he is at least two--that is the ideal way for him to take at least some of his daily breast milk. If he wasn't still nursing I would feel like I needed to give him some other kind of milk which I don't want to do. If we weren't vegan MAYBE it wouldn't be such a big deal to me, but it still might be.
According to the WHO, 80-90% of a toddler's nutrition at one year should come from breast milk (ideally)--meaning nursing pretty much as often as you had always been, MAYBE dropping ONE feeding by a year; and 25% of their nutrition at TWO should STILL come from breast milk--which is nursing at least once or twice per day. So I'm going to do all I can to keep him nursing until then, including adding night feeds if I have to.
You cannot FORCE a child to breast feed, and just as an overtired child can refuse to sleep even though it's what he needs, an overstimulated and hungry baby can not initially seem interested in nursing, but it might be exactly what he needs. As parents, one responsibility is to anticipate and meet your child's needs even when your child doesn't know that that is what he needs/wants.
I have seen many people wean sooner than they planned (which might end up working out for them, or they might have regrets and wonder what they could have done to keep the child nursing). So part of what I am having this intervention is to see, if you are in the position of seeing your baby begin to nurse less, if there are things you could do to turn them back to nursing more . . .
(Transitioning into an update on Project Fat Baby (PFB) now . . . )
So even though I've only been doing these things for a week or so now, I think it is already making a difference. Here's where I have implemented changes and what the effect has been:
1. I have stopped attempting to do anything else while nursing him. I have resigned myself to the fact that nursing is a two person job requiring both of our 100% focus. I have stopped attempting to (watch TV, read book or kindle, text, take pictures, go online, etc) while nursing. I stare at the baby so he can focus on eating.
Due to this intervention, I can more often get james to have a full feeding in between naps if he gets hungry. Before this intervention, he would only stick around for one letdown max--now I can get 2-4 into him.
2. I have started laying down to nurse him to sleep (or nearly) for every nap. I was doing this sometimes before, but if he's eaten recently I would skip it. Now I do it every time.
Due to this intervention, I have added some feeds to his day, and most importantly, these before nap/falling asleep feeds are usually really long. That's why it helps so much to lay down with him--I'm able to be patient and let him nurse as long as he wants. When I was holding him sitting up, I would cut him off at some point when he slowed down because I was tired, but this way he keeps eating for longer more often. The milk at the very end of the feed (when the breast feels empty) is the fattiest, so it should make a difference to get some WHOLE (fatty) milk into the boy.
3. We have started bed-sharing full time.
This helps a TON, I think. Specifically, it adds one feed when we go to bed (which I would sometimes do before, too), and he nurses sort of non-stop or over and over from like (5? 6? I couldn't even say), maybe every hour or half hour, until I decide to get up, usually like 9 or so. Before we were bed-sharing, we would move him over to his swing a lot for the early morning and he wouldn't nurse as much, though obviously at least still twice in that time (first wake up and again a couple hours later). Overall I would say he could be eating as much as twice during this time, and definitely more high-fat milk.
So, our next appointment is on June 15th--then we'll see if this has worked at all! ;-)
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Bedsharing Night Two (and 3-7)
So after james' six month appointment and the commencement of PFB (Project Fat Baby), we decided to give bed-sharing another go.
As you might recall, we tried bed-sharing with the unswaddled baby a few weeks ago with disastrous consequences, after which we decided that he still needed to be swaddled.
So, we tried again a week or so ago, and it went very well! One thing we did was we DID swaddle him to fall asleep, but then we unswaddled him when we joined him in the bed. So he didn't wake up in the evening this way.
It is really nice to get to snuggle up with him at night. AND it definitely benefits PFB, because he is nursing more throughout the night and morning, apparently without me even knowing it.
It is really adorable now to find books and baby toys in our bed, or to wake up to see james playing with one, or touching his Dad's arm, or snuggling up to me and breastfeeding (apparently almost unconsciously on my part).
All the fears I had about rolling on him or him suffocating have basically disappeared "overnight", as I saw within one or two days how absolutely aware of him James and I are, it's really crazy actually. And now he's really old enough (rolling both ways just today!), and strong enough that I know he could flip himself over, turn his head if he needed to, clear away a blanket or something if it got near his face--I'm just a lot more confident in him. I can't believe he's over six months old now . . .
And this weekend we committed, haha, and bought a toddler rail for my side so he can spend the majority of the night between me and the rail and won't be able to fall out of the bed. We'll see what we end up doing when he starts really crawling, though, we might need to put our mattress on the ground of something. Good thing summer is coming!
Anyway, I think we ((HEART)) bedsharing and probably won't use that co-sleeping thing again until we have another one, haha.
As you might recall, we tried bed-sharing with the unswaddled baby a few weeks ago with disastrous consequences, after which we decided that he still needed to be swaddled.
So, we tried again a week or so ago, and it went very well! One thing we did was we DID swaddle him to fall asleep, but then we unswaddled him when we joined him in the bed. So he didn't wake up in the evening this way.
It is really nice to get to snuggle up with him at night. AND it definitely benefits PFB, because he is nursing more throughout the night and morning, apparently without me even knowing it.
It is really adorable now to find books and baby toys in our bed, or to wake up to see james playing with one, or touching his Dad's arm, or snuggling up to me and breastfeeding (apparently almost unconsciously on my part).
All the fears I had about rolling on him or him suffocating have basically disappeared "overnight", as I saw within one or two days how absolutely aware of him James and I are, it's really crazy actually. And now he's really old enough (rolling both ways just today!), and strong enough that I know he could flip himself over, turn his head if he needed to, clear away a blanket or something if it got near his face--I'm just a lot more confident in him. I can't believe he's over six months old now . . .
And this weekend we committed, haha, and bought a toddler rail for my side so he can spend the majority of the night between me and the rail and won't be able to fall out of the bed. We'll see what we end up doing when he starts really crawling, though, we might need to put our mattress on the ground of something. Good thing summer is coming!
Anyway, I think we ((HEART)) bedsharing and probably won't use that co-sleeping thing again until we have another one, haha.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Movie Monday: My First Vlog (Baby Led Weaning)
I guess these two videos would consist of my first ever vlog! (If anyone knows of a free/cheap/easy/common program I could use to do basic video editing, please leave a suggestion in the comments).
Anyway, here we get to see james eating oatmeal, practicing his food skillz, and me heralding baby led weaning once again, haha.
With this said, too, purees are totally fine/great, too--james LOVES when we give him "pureed" food (like hummus and dahl, he's had now) because it's so easy for him to eat! But I totally think the straight to table food method is the way to go for the majority of foods (for the majority of kids).
And here's why . . . (in two parts)
Anyway, here we get to see james eating oatmeal, practicing his food skillz, and me heralding baby led weaning once again, haha.
With this said, too, purees are totally fine/great, too--james LOVES when we give him "pureed" food (like hummus and dahl, he's had now) because it's so easy for him to eat! But I totally think the straight to table food method is the way to go for the majority of foods (for the majority of kids).
And here's why . . . (in two parts)
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Project Fat Baby
So I never wrote about our six month appointment. It was good! We didn't get any vaccines this time because james was just sick and I didn't want to get them with his immune system compromised--so we go back in four weeks for that . . .
But as inevitably seems to happen a lot of the time with breastfed babies at their 6 month (or 12 month) appt, the doctor was concerned because james has lost percentiles.
Here's his stats, and if you look here on the chart for breastfed babies, you can see what percentage he is (I looked it up for you, hehe):
Born November 19th, 2010; 8 lbs, 7 oz (70%), 23 inches (99%)
One Week Old: 7 lbs, 12 ozs, 23 inches
Two Months Old: 12 lbs, 6 ozs(70%), 25 inches (99%)
Four Months Old: 14 lbs, 9 ozs(50%), 27 inches (99%)
Six Months Old: 15 lbs, 14 ozs(25%), 28 inches (99%) (Not on the same scale, which could make a difference)
But the Doc said he should be eating more solids . . . twice a day!
. . . however, I don't think that's really a good solution. Veggies and fruits have very few calories, and grains (apparently) make him constipated. His gut isn't really ready for that much solids . . . (in my opinion). Furthermore, there is definitely evidence that going too quickly with solids (especially if the baby is excited about them) may lead to early weaning, which I definitely want to avoid for my little vegan baby . . .
And while at first I was quite indignant with the doctor thinking that james wasn't gaining enough, now that I look at the percents I suppose I understand his concern. However, I'm also not surprised. james hasn't really stopped moving since his four month appointment, which means it's harder for him to eat a good meal (nurse), and that he is burning off a lot of calories, too!
I don't REALLY think that he is nutritionally starved or anything, or I doubt he would continue to stay in the 99% for length . . . but I am going to make some changes to help him gain more.
Commencing Project Fat Baby . . .
Our Mission: To help james gain percentiles.
Our Timeline: One Month
The Plan is very simple and consists of one step: Breastfeed james more.
For a baby under one year old, this is the number one way to fatten up a baby. Furthermore, I'm doing this as an experiment, because Doctors don't recommend this strategy--they say: give more food. So we'll see how this works out for us over the next month.
The plan really has a few parts:
1. During the day, make more of an effort to nurse james in a quiet and still environment that helps him focus.
2. Before naps, lay down and nurse him--to sleep if possible.
3. If he doesn't wake up on his own, dreamfeed him when you go to bed.
4. Start bed-sharing to allow him more opportunities to nurse during the night.
Of course we ALSO will be giving james food during this time and he ALSO is definitely getting better at eating. I'm not saying food isn't great for him at this stage, too, but it isn't the most important thing in terms of helping him gain weight.
So our next appointment is June 15th--I'll report on the progress of "Project Fat Baby" then.
But as inevitably seems to happen a lot of the time with breastfed babies at their 6 month (or 12 month) appt, the doctor was concerned because james has lost percentiles.
Here's his stats, and if you look here on the chart for breastfed babies, you can see what percentage he is (I looked it up for you, hehe):
Born November 19th, 2010; 8 lbs, 7 oz (70%), 23 inches (99%)
One Week Old: 7 lbs, 12 ozs, 23 inches
Two Months Old: 12 lbs, 6 ozs(70%), 25 inches (99%)
Four Months Old: 14 lbs, 9 ozs(50%), 27 inches (99%)
Six Months Old: 15 lbs, 14 ozs(25%), 28 inches (99%) (Not on the same scale, which could make a difference)
But the Doc said he should be eating more solids . . . twice a day!
. . . however, I don't think that's really a good solution. Veggies and fruits have very few calories, and grains (apparently) make him constipated. His gut isn't really ready for that much solids . . . (in my opinion). Furthermore, there is definitely evidence that going too quickly with solids (especially if the baby is excited about them) may lead to early weaning, which I definitely want to avoid for my little vegan baby . . .
And while at first I was quite indignant with the doctor thinking that james wasn't gaining enough, now that I look at the percents I suppose I understand his concern. However, I'm also not surprised. james hasn't really stopped moving since his four month appointment, which means it's harder for him to eat a good meal (nurse), and that he is burning off a lot of calories, too!
I don't REALLY think that he is nutritionally starved or anything, or I doubt he would continue to stay in the 99% for length . . . but I am going to make some changes to help him gain more.
Commencing Project Fat Baby . . .
Our Mission: To help james gain percentiles.
Our Timeline: One Month
The Plan is very simple and consists of one step: Breastfeed james more.
For a baby under one year old, this is the number one way to fatten up a baby. Furthermore, I'm doing this as an experiment, because Doctors don't recommend this strategy--they say: give more food. So we'll see how this works out for us over the next month.
The plan really has a few parts:
1. During the day, make more of an effort to nurse james in a quiet and still environment that helps him focus.
2. Before naps, lay down and nurse him--to sleep if possible.
3. If he doesn't wake up on his own, dreamfeed him when you go to bed.
4. Start bed-sharing to allow him more opportunities to nurse during the night.
Of course we ALSO will be giving james food during this time and he ALSO is definitely getting better at eating. I'm not saying food isn't great for him at this stage, too, but it isn't the most important thing in terms of helping him gain weight.
So our next appointment is June 15th--I'll report on the progress of "Project Fat Baby" then.
Old School Sunday: Enlightenment and/or Society?
If you haven't heard about my new blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
Just finished my first semester, sophomore year . . . I was definitely finding myself spiritually and a lot of other ways during this time. Here I am once again rescued by Greg, always up to answer a difficult question with a well-thought out answer (and accompanying metaphor? Ha).
19th December 2002
4:32pm
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Phish--Way back home
AdriN2001: To what extent is participation in the world important? If one participates in the world, they are providing themselves as a human resource, possibly causing change to those parts of our system which so badly need it. However, the path to enlightenment requires one to turn away from worldly thoughts and actions. Is the path to enlightenment, then, wholly selfish? Would I reach enlightenment by removing myself from society, while society suffers from the lack of what I could add to it? My mind is troubled--thoughts very welcome.
DebilNoxin: while turning from worldly actions does necessitate non-involvement, it does not precipitate a lack of understanding.
DebilNoxin: In fact, to draw a bit of an analogy-- it is very difficult to discern the workings of a clock while standing in the middle of it.
DebilNoxin: however, with a bit of distance and perspective, the function of each part and their interaction as a whole are more apt to be understood
DebilNoxin: to generalize from this analogy, being a part of society, while immediately helpful on some levels, is bewildering because it presupposes intimacy and involvement with society-- much like standing in the middle of the clock
DebilNoxin: with distance and perspective-- the removal from society-- the social significance of actions and reactions can be observed and pondered more readily
DebilNoxin: this, however, begs the question: is it better to interact with a measure of blindness on a practical level, or is it better to understand on a theoretical level?
DebilNoxin: understanding things on a theoretical level facilitates the observation of the whole-- not in its individual parts and actions (such as every-day life)-- and hence the ability to more correctly discern the appropriate paths of action you and others may take in society.
DebilNoxin: Therefore, the removal from society to achieve enlightenment, or 'understanding' if you will, in actuality enhances one's ability to interact with the same society in a manner at once more concise and more far-reaching.
DebilNoxin: in short, the removal is a short term sacrifice for a long-term yield of very large proportions.
DebilNoxin: To return to the clock analogy-- imagine being part of the clock itself, going about one's task as part of a whole to achieve a purpose you cannot see or comprehend.
DebilNoxin: No imagine that as the piece of the clock, you remove yourself from the works and observe how all the parts function together and what their ultimate purpose is.
DebilNoxin: When the piece returns, or even if it does not return at all, it has gained knowledge and understanding of the system in which it functions.
DebilNoxin: this knowledge may enable the piece to function more efficiently upon its return, or it may enable the piece to devise a better and more appropriate manner in which it may function.
DebilNoxin: Like the piece of the clock, the enlightened individual may return to his society and function with greater poise and aplomb in his original function, or may seek to change the theoretical functions of society from within or without.
DebilNoxin: Thus, to answer the question posed previously, it is by far better to gain knowledge through temporal removal than to function blindly with unanswered questions obstructing the efficient or appropriate completion of one's larger function.
DebilNoxin: good night and peace
DebilNoxin: if I'm still around when you return feel free to come talk
DebilNoxin: did i just send you something long and nonsensical?
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
Just finished my first semester, sophomore year . . . I was definitely finding myself spiritually and a lot of other ways during this time. Here I am once again rescued by Greg, always up to answer a difficult question with a well-thought out answer (and accompanying metaphor? Ha).
19th December 2002
4:32pm
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Phish--Way back home
AdriN2001: To what extent is participation in the world important? If one participates in the world, they are providing themselves as a human resource, possibly causing change to those parts of our system which so badly need it. However, the path to enlightenment requires one to turn away from worldly thoughts and actions. Is the path to enlightenment, then, wholly selfish? Would I reach enlightenment by removing myself from society, while society suffers from the lack of what I could add to it? My mind is troubled--thoughts very welcome.
DebilNoxin: while turning from worldly actions does necessitate non-involvement, it does not precipitate a lack of understanding.
DebilNoxin: In fact, to draw a bit of an analogy-- it is very difficult to discern the workings of a clock while standing in the middle of it.
DebilNoxin: however, with a bit of distance and perspective, the function of each part and their interaction as a whole are more apt to be understood
DebilNoxin: to generalize from this analogy, being a part of society, while immediately helpful on some levels, is bewildering because it presupposes intimacy and involvement with society-- much like standing in the middle of the clock
DebilNoxin: with distance and perspective-- the removal from society-- the social significance of actions and reactions can be observed and pondered more readily
DebilNoxin: this, however, begs the question: is it better to interact with a measure of blindness on a practical level, or is it better to understand on a theoretical level?
DebilNoxin: understanding things on a theoretical level facilitates the observation of the whole-- not in its individual parts and actions (such as every-day life)-- and hence the ability to more correctly discern the appropriate paths of action you and others may take in society.
DebilNoxin: Therefore, the removal from society to achieve enlightenment, or 'understanding' if you will, in actuality enhances one's ability to interact with the same society in a manner at once more concise and more far-reaching.
DebilNoxin: in short, the removal is a short term sacrifice for a long-term yield of very large proportions.
DebilNoxin: To return to the clock analogy-- imagine being part of the clock itself, going about one's task as part of a whole to achieve a purpose you cannot see or comprehend.
DebilNoxin: No imagine that as the piece of the clock, you remove yourself from the works and observe how all the parts function together and what their ultimate purpose is.
DebilNoxin: When the piece returns, or even if it does not return at all, it has gained knowledge and understanding of the system in which it functions.
DebilNoxin: this knowledge may enable the piece to function more efficiently upon its return, or it may enable the piece to devise a better and more appropriate manner in which it may function.
DebilNoxin: Like the piece of the clock, the enlightened individual may return to his society and function with greater poise and aplomb in his original function, or may seek to change the theoretical functions of society from within or without.
DebilNoxin: Thus, to answer the question posed previously, it is by far better to gain knowledge through temporal removal than to function blindly with unanswered questions obstructing the efficient or appropriate completion of one's larger function.
DebilNoxin: good night and peace
DebilNoxin: if I'm still around when you return feel free to come talk
DebilNoxin: did i just send you something long and nonsensical?
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Breast Milk as Cure-All in Poetry Form
Breast milk is basically an antibody juice
EVERYONE who is breastfeeding should take full advantage
for the entire family!
Put it in eyes
. . . . . . . . ears
.. . . . . . . . . . noses
heck, even drink it if you want
put it on cuts and they will heal faster
I always use it on james and
it cleared up his goopy eye and
it healed his rash and
it healed cuts and
scratches and
it has cleared up congestion and
prevented ear infections on
at least three occasions
I would say.
And him breastfeeding though this first cold made it EXTREMELY mild
Like, 20 coughs total over three days and
a runny nose.
That's it.
Breast (for your health) milk
For All!!!
Spread the Word.
EVERYONE who is breastfeeding should take full advantage
for the entire family!
Put it in eyes
. . . . . . . . ears
.. . . . . . . . . . noses
heck, even drink it if you want
put it on cuts and they will heal faster
I always use it on james and
it cleared up his goopy eye and
it healed his rash and
it healed cuts and
scratches and
it has cleared up congestion and
prevented ear infections on
at least three occasions
I would say.
And him breastfeeding though this first cold made it EXTREMELY mild
Like, 20 coughs total over three days and
a runny nose.
That's it.
Breast (for your health) milk
For All!!!
Spread the Word.
Grammar Tips
Okay fellow bloggers, friends, family, and Facebook Fans alike . . . let's get real. I see people repeat some things over and over--mostly issues of usage . . . soooo, as a former English teacher, I'M JUST SAYIN . . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some days past. (Means: Some days ago.)
Some days passed. (Means: Some days went by.)
I drove past. (NOT I drove passed.)
I passed a bus. (NOT I past a bus.)
I suppose in the both examples above, passed is used as a VERB. Past is a time/space marker and functions as an OBJECT in the above sentences
(maybe? and here is when we learn that I actually don't know Grammar rules, I just know what's right and wrong. So if my explanations don't cut it for you, look it up. I can guarantee you that I'm right but my explanations for WHY might be wrong or lacking.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aww=That is cute
Awe=A state of complete shock and admiration!
Aww=a noise, like grr.
Awe=a WORD, the root word of awesome and awful.
Comment on a cute pic: "Aww!" (NOT awe!)
Seeing Justin Bieber in person for the first time: "I am in awe." (NOT aww!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Balled=Past tense, To make into a ball
Bawled=Past tense, To cry hard
"That movie made me bawl!" (NOT That movie made me ball)
"I balled up a piece of paper." (Let's be honest, no one uses bawl when they should use ball, but they use ball when they should use ball ALL THE TIME.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's=It is
its=possessive, belongs to it.
It's scary!
Its home.
It's special!
Its toy.
It's happy! It likes its ear scratched.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baby's=belong to the baby
Babies=multiple babies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I guess that's good for today! I might have to make this a recurring theme though. ;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some days past. (Means: Some days ago.)
Some days passed. (Means: Some days went by.)
I drove past. (NOT I drove passed.)
I passed a bus. (NOT I past a bus.)
I suppose in the both examples above, passed is used as a VERB. Past is a time/space marker and functions as an OBJECT in the above sentences
(maybe? and here is when we learn that I actually don't know Grammar rules, I just know what's right and wrong. So if my explanations don't cut it for you, look it up. I can guarantee you that I'm right but my explanations for WHY might be wrong or lacking.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aww=That is cute
Awe=A state of complete shock and admiration!
Aww=a noise, like grr.
Awe=a WORD, the root word of awesome and awful.
Comment on a cute pic: "Aww!" (NOT awe!)
Seeing Justin Bieber in person for the first time: "I am in awe." (NOT aww!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Balled=Past tense, To make into a ball
Bawled=Past tense, To cry hard
"That movie made me bawl!" (NOT That movie made me ball)
"I balled up a piece of paper." (Let's be honest, no one uses bawl when they should use ball, but they use ball when they should use ball ALL THE TIME.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's=It is
its=possessive, belongs to it.
It's scary!
Its home.
It's special!
Its toy.
It's happy! It likes its ear scratched.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baby's=belong to the baby
Babies=multiple babies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I guess that's good for today! I might have to make this a recurring theme though. ;-)
Friday, May 20, 2011
Dealing with an Ear Infection Sans Antibiotics
So yesterday I had an appointment with the Naturopath. My mother-in-law even came over and babysat for me so I didn't have to bring J.
I like him a lot! One secretary, natural cures--he's my kinda doc!
He gave me four recommendations/"prescriptions":
1. Stop eating dairy (haha, way ahead of you doc). Dairy thickens mucus and makes one more prone to ear infections, allergies, asthma, and colds.
2. Use a hot steam pack on the ear/neck for three minutes (as hot as possible, and try to seal in the heat with a fleece or plastic cover!). Then use a cold pack for one minute. Repeat three times (ending with the cold pack).
James helped me do this tonight. It was good to have a helper to time and reheat the steamy washcloth.
3. Put 5 drops of "ear oil" (Garlic, Mullien, Olive Oil) in each ear (he said my other one had pressure in it, too) 1-3 times per day.
4. For my cough/lungs/asthma, he gave me a self-made "cough elixir" which basically tasted like cough medicine without sugar, haha--he said it also contained "lobelia", an herb which helped dialate the lungs so I might be able to use my inhaler less.
(5. He also would have recommended the herb "Astragalus" to help boost my immune system, but we decided since I was mostly recovered from my cold I probably don't need it now.)
He also gave me a tip:
Eardrums are remarkably resistant. In the case of an occasional ear infection, the worst case scenario is a burst eardrum. He explained that this is definitely painful, however, he said he saw a guy once just after his ear had burst, and he said it looked really awful. But when he saw him 3 days later, it ALREADY looked pretty good--the membrane had already healed over but you could tell it had been damaged . . . then he saw him again on day 10. He said you literally could not tell anything had happened!
AND he said that by following the above methods, you can probably prevent an ear infection from getting to the point of bursting and help to clear it up quickly!
So as I said, I followed the recommendations to the letter last night. And I definitely feel like the heat/cold thing got things moving! I guess I'm already feeling better because I haven't had to take Aleve or Mucinex all day, which I'd been doing since Friday!
I like him a lot! One secretary, natural cures--he's my kinda doc!
He gave me four recommendations/"prescriptions":
1. Stop eating dairy (haha, way ahead of you doc). Dairy thickens mucus and makes one more prone to ear infections, allergies, asthma, and colds.
2. Use a hot steam pack on the ear/neck for three minutes (as hot as possible, and try to seal in the heat with a fleece or plastic cover!). Then use a cold pack for one minute. Repeat three times (ending with the cold pack).
James helped me do this tonight. It was good to have a helper to time and reheat the steamy washcloth.
3. Put 5 drops of "ear oil" (Garlic, Mullien, Olive Oil) in each ear (he said my other one had pressure in it, too) 1-3 times per day.
4. For my cough/lungs/asthma, he gave me a self-made "cough elixir" which basically tasted like cough medicine without sugar, haha--he said it also contained "lobelia", an herb which helped dialate the lungs so I might be able to use my inhaler less.
(5. He also would have recommended the herb "Astragalus" to help boost my immune system, but we decided since I was mostly recovered from my cold I probably don't need it now.)
He also gave me a tip:
Eardrums are remarkably resistant. In the case of an occasional ear infection, the worst case scenario is a burst eardrum. He explained that this is definitely painful, however, he said he saw a guy once just after his ear had burst, and he said it looked really awful. But when he saw him 3 days later, it ALREADY looked pretty good--the membrane had already healed over but you could tell it had been damaged . . . then he saw him again on day 10. He said you literally could not tell anything had happened!
AND he said that by following the above methods, you can probably prevent an ear infection from getting to the point of bursting and help to clear it up quickly!
So as I said, I followed the recommendations to the letter last night. And I definitely feel like the heat/cold thing got things moving! I guess I'm already feeling better because I haven't had to take Aleve or Mucinex all day, which I'd been doing since Friday!
Photo Friday: Almost Back to Normal!
So if you recall . . .
My pre-pregnancy weight was 131, size 6
My 40 weeks pregnant weight was 171
My just gave birth weight was 156, size 14
. . . and then I was down and up and down and up and down (but my sizes steadily fell). . .
Now at 6 months post-partum, though, I'm happy to report that I'm down to 141, size 10.
I actually have old pants (from before I was so skinny, years before getting pregnant, but still MINE) that I can wear now. I put on these size 10 jeans from college today and felt so MYSELF and comfy!!
It just feels awesome to feel more like my old self again.
Here's a comparison pic . . .
7ish weeks pregnant, 40 weeks pregnant, and today (in my jeans, ;-)!
My pre-pregnancy weight was 131, size 6
My 40 weeks pregnant weight was 171
My just gave birth weight was 156, size 14
. . . and then I was down and up and down and up and down (but my sizes steadily fell). . .
Now at 6 months post-partum, though, I'm happy to report that I'm down to 141, size 10.
I actually have old pants (from before I was so skinny, years before getting pregnant, but still MINE) that I can wear now. I put on these size 10 jeans from college today and felt so MYSELF and comfy!!
It just feels awesome to feel more like my old self again.
Here's a comparison pic . . .
7ish weeks pregnant, 40 weeks pregnant, and today (in my jeans, ;-)!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
How Antibiotics Work...
...And why you should avoid taking them and giving them to your kids, if possible...
In the past I experienced people who were anti-antibiotics and I never got it. I didn’t see what the big deal was. I got anti-biotics loads of times—for ear infections, probable viruses, bronchial infections (yay asthma), etc.
It’s only recently that I really get it. Due to a distancing from the modern American medical model, many years passed where I did not take any antibiotics. I had viruses, I had the flu . . . and I learned one important thing. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. (Not really always, but kinda!)
After a few years without any antibiotics, my “sicknesses” started to change. Viruses which used to be 3-5 day fever with coughing, nose running, etc, turned into (more often than not), being slightly more tired and run-down for a few days, and that was it.
I started to wonder what was going on (and part of it is growing up and a maturing immune system, but that's not the whole explanation). But then it happened, last spring, I needed antibiotics. I got Lyme’s Disease. On my short-list of scary diagnoses that require antibiotics. So I managed to acquire some, and that story could be it’s own post about health, but I started taking them without a second thought.
And I felt awful. Improved at first, since I’d felt so awful from the Lyme’s Disease, but then just bad. After a week or so on the antibiotic my body began to reject it, in the simplest possible way—through vomiting. Since Lyme’s Disease is so serious I persisted for as long as possible but eventually gave up (with a few days of the two week prescription left) realizing that an antibiotic that is immediately vomited will not be very effective.
What the heck? I used to have no issues with antibiotics! But things changed for me in the last six years. I’ve been a strict vegan now for seven years and my stomach has gotten quite sensitive. My entire system has gotten more sensitive—meat contains lots of toxins and exposure to growth hormones and other things that my stomach and my body haven’t had to deal with for a long time. And I’m just plain not used to taking antibiotics. Oh well, I was over it.
But then within a week, I was sick. Just a virus, but the kind I remember--5 days of feverish, coughing, runny nose, it was awful. WTH, I said to myself--I thought I was SO over this. At some point I saw my chiropractor and she illuminated anti-biotics for me.
Anti=Against
Biotic=Life
I always SORT OF knew this but didn’t really get it. This is how antibiotics work. They kill the organisms inside your body. Some of these are making you sick, but others are making you healthy. They are all getting killed. So you are well at the end, but your immune system (and honestly, other bodily functions) are compromised.
Meanwhile, this is how your immune system works without antibiotics (this is one of those “sort of too watered down/metaphoric but still true explanations ala me”). As you get sick, your body begins to ramp up production of white blood cells. These white blood cells serve the function of producing anti-bodies. The anti-bodies made by the white blood cells, as oppose to anti-biotics, are disease specific. Your body knows which cells are making you sick, and the white blood cell takes a picture of this invader and starts to mobilize—producing anti-bodies SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED for that virus/cold/infection/etc. The antibodies kill the invading (bad bacteria), but after the "Battle is Won", your soldier stick around! Those antibodies are part of your immune system now! So in the end, you are also well. However, your immune system, rather than being compromised, is improved!
And after a few years without anti-biotics, your immune system sort of matures. Now I have this relationship with my immune system. Now I know when me and James are sleepy and run-down, our immune systems are SUCCESSFULLY fighting off a disease with all those stored anti-bodies. And the more often you get sick, the better your immune system gets--the more anti-bodies you have, the more viruses and diseases they will work against, and the stronger your immune system is.
And I take pride in my immune system now. I collect anti-bodies like the hoarder that I am. I preen my immune system, feeding it Vitamin C (1000 mgs a day) and D (1000-2000 ius a day), and I swear to God I can FEEL when it is strong, I can FEEL when it is weak. And I could feel those antibiotics wipe it right out.
So here I am, firmly in the anti-antibiotic camp.
But with this said, sometimes you need them. And I’m honestly not a good authority about when they are necessary, especially with kids. For myself, if my health seems to still be deteriorating after a week or so, I will at least consult a doc (now that I have one, woot!). For kids I really have yet to learn.
But Lyme’s Disease is a definite yes. Without antibiotics, the disease can be fatal. (Years later). Furthermore if you don’t take the antibiotics promptly (within a few months of infection), you will always have it and have to manage it, even with intervention later on.
And I recently learned, pneumonia is a definitely antibiotic situation. Also life-threatening if not treated.
And I’m sure I’ll learn about more times that antibiotics are necessary.
However, I have a different approach now to my immune system, and realizing that antibiotics can wipe out in a week all the antibodies I have spent months, years, whatever building (and able to pass to my baby by breast milk)—this means I am MUCH more selective about when I will take them or give them to james.
I’m realizing more and more that evolution (or God, or both, take your pick), spent millions (or thousands, but honestly literal-bible-interpreters?) . . . too many tangents and you lose your message!sigh ADHD mind.
Evolution spent millions of years designing every part of our body for maximum health and wellness so that we can survive to pass on our genes. In Health, just as in birth and breastfeeding, often the best intervention is the least intervention, as your body already possesses both tools and motivation for optimum health. Just let your body take care of itself and don’t mess with it too much and often this yields the most optimum result!
In the past I experienced people who were anti-antibiotics and I never got it. I didn’t see what the big deal was. I got anti-biotics loads of times—for ear infections, probable viruses, bronchial infections (yay asthma), etc.
It’s only recently that I really get it. Due to a distancing from the modern American medical model, many years passed where I did not take any antibiotics. I had viruses, I had the flu . . . and I learned one important thing. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. (Not really always, but kinda!)
After a few years without any antibiotics, my “sicknesses” started to change. Viruses which used to be 3-5 day fever with coughing, nose running, etc, turned into (more often than not), being slightly more tired and run-down for a few days, and that was it.
I started to wonder what was going on (and part of it is growing up and a maturing immune system, but that's not the whole explanation). But then it happened, last spring, I needed antibiotics. I got Lyme’s Disease. On my short-list of scary diagnoses that require antibiotics. So I managed to acquire some, and that story could be it’s own post about health, but I started taking them without a second thought.
And I felt awful. Improved at first, since I’d felt so awful from the Lyme’s Disease, but then just bad. After a week or so on the antibiotic my body began to reject it, in the simplest possible way—through vomiting. Since Lyme’s Disease is so serious I persisted for as long as possible but eventually gave up (with a few days of the two week prescription left) realizing that an antibiotic that is immediately vomited will not be very effective.
What the heck? I used to have no issues with antibiotics! But things changed for me in the last six years. I’ve been a strict vegan now for seven years and my stomach has gotten quite sensitive. My entire system has gotten more sensitive—meat contains lots of toxins and exposure to growth hormones and other things that my stomach and my body haven’t had to deal with for a long time. And I’m just plain not used to taking antibiotics. Oh well, I was over it.
But then within a week, I was sick. Just a virus, but the kind I remember--5 days of feverish, coughing, runny nose, it was awful. WTH, I said to myself--I thought I was SO over this. At some point I saw my chiropractor and she illuminated anti-biotics for me.
Anti=Against
Biotic=Life
I always SORT OF knew this but didn’t really get it. This is how antibiotics work. They kill the organisms inside your body. Some of these are making you sick, but others are making you healthy. They are all getting killed. So you are well at the end, but your immune system (and honestly, other bodily functions) are compromised.
Meanwhile, this is how your immune system works without antibiotics (this is one of those “sort of too watered down/metaphoric but still true explanations ala me”). As you get sick, your body begins to ramp up production of white blood cells. These white blood cells serve the function of producing anti-bodies. The anti-bodies made by the white blood cells, as oppose to anti-biotics, are disease specific. Your body knows which cells are making you sick, and the white blood cell takes a picture of this invader and starts to mobilize—producing anti-bodies SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED for that virus/cold/infection/etc. The antibodies kill the invading (bad bacteria), but after the "Battle is Won", your soldier stick around! Those antibodies are part of your immune system now! So in the end, you are also well. However, your immune system, rather than being compromised, is improved!
And after a few years without anti-biotics, your immune system sort of matures. Now I have this relationship with my immune system. Now I know when me and James are sleepy and run-down, our immune systems are SUCCESSFULLY fighting off a disease with all those stored anti-bodies. And the more often you get sick, the better your immune system gets--the more anti-bodies you have, the more viruses and diseases they will work against, and the stronger your immune system is.
And I take pride in my immune system now. I collect anti-bodies like the hoarder that I am. I preen my immune system, feeding it Vitamin C (1000 mgs a day) and D (1000-2000 ius a day), and I swear to God I can FEEL when it is strong, I can FEEL when it is weak. And I could feel those antibiotics wipe it right out.
So here I am, firmly in the anti-antibiotic camp.
But with this said, sometimes you need them. And I’m honestly not a good authority about when they are necessary, especially with kids. For myself, if my health seems to still be deteriorating after a week or so, I will at least consult a doc (now that I have one, woot!). For kids I really have yet to learn.
But Lyme’s Disease is a definite yes. Without antibiotics, the disease can be fatal. (Years later). Furthermore if you don’t take the antibiotics promptly (within a few months of infection), you will always have it and have to manage it, even with intervention later on.
And I recently learned, pneumonia is a definitely antibiotic situation. Also life-threatening if not treated.
And I’m sure I’ll learn about more times that antibiotics are necessary.
However, I have a different approach now to my immune system, and realizing that antibiotics can wipe out in a week all the antibodies I have spent months, years, whatever building (and able to pass to my baby by breast milk)—this means I am MUCH more selective about when I will take them or give them to james.
I’m realizing more and more that evolution (or God, or both, take your pick), spent millions (or thousands, but honestly literal-bible-interpreters?) . . . too many tangents and you lose your message!sigh ADHD mind.
Evolution spent millions of years designing every part of our body for maximum health and wellness so that we can survive to pass on our genes. In Health, just as in birth and breastfeeding, often the best intervention is the least intervention, as your body already possesses both tools and motivation for optimum health. Just let your body take care of itself and don’t mess with it too much and often this yields the most optimum result!
Six Months Old!
My darling James David is six months old today.
As I had written about on Monday, six months is a mile-stone to me. When he really starts to eat food and not just play with it; sitting up . . . A six-month old is a big baby (to me)--looking more like a 12 month old than they do a tiny newborn . . . (especially next to his Great-Grandma Rosemary (GG) teehee):
What this means for my boy is a will and an energy that cause alternating joy and frustration. He is fascinated by everything. Anything new is amazing. If there is nothing else to look at he will scratch and pick at whatever--the wooden side of his changing area, the leopard print comforter (a legacy of James' life pre-me), the couch, his clothing, us, you name it.
With desire comes frustration. I am pretty responsive to him--fetching toys that go out of reach, whatever he needs. But I'm realizing now that I need to let him be frustrated. That is what is going to drive his muscles to develop so that he's actually able to do the things he wants. Like crawl and roll and reach and all these other things. So I'm starting to put things JUST out of reach now, to motivate him.
He is THIS CLOSE . . .
. . . to rolling over from back to belly, but no dice yet. He definitely got a lot better at the tummy-to-back roll. I'm still not sure if he actually does it consciously, but he definitely does it consistently, whenever I put him on his belly now, within a few minutes. Big improvement from a month ago!
And we have a sitter! He can sit independently for longer and longer stretches--which is still usually only a second or two--but that is improved from milliseconds only a week or two ago so it's very progressive! Now he wants to sit all the time and isn't as content to lay down.
He also still loves to stand. He will stand on the ground while holding our hands, stand on our laps while we hold his hands or legs or sides . . . he even stood holding on to a cabinet handle (WITHOUT me holding onto him!) for a half-second a few times over the last few days.
Crawling, not so much. He won't even get up on his hands and knees. But he's starting to do that slouchy tripod sit that is "on the way to hands and knees" . . . hehe.
He had his first real cold last week, runny nose, coughing, fussy, etc. I got WAY WAY sicker than him (yay breastfeeding)!
He REALLY found his tongue recently and now is obsessed with sticking it out, chewing on it, biting it while focusing, blowing raspberries with it out, you name it. It is very adorable. I have yet to get a good pic of it, though.
What isn't as adorable is the yelling and screaming that have also been a new little habit. It is probably related to the will, the frustration, the not-content-laying-down, you know, the whole bit. Just today I left the guy yelling to himself in his swing for a few mins while I took a break. It is just too high-pitched to even handle.
He is still nursing but his pattern has finally changed from pretty much every 2 hours. Now it's more like he'll have a snack every two hours, and maybe stick around for one letdown, or more if I am sitting in a silent and still room. But most of the time he is too interested in the world to get a good meal in him. He makes up for it, though. He has a nice LOOONG breastfeed when he first wakes up, and then usually has at least one or two long sessions throughout the day before naps, when he's sleepy. And then sometimes he has a long meal before bed but often not. Sometimes I feed him when we go to bed between 10-12 but not always.
And I am hesitantly saying that I have a 9-times-out-of-10 sleep-through-the-nighter if dawn is considered "morning", and you don't count that last night feeding (when I'm going to sleep or sometimes earlier) that he sometimes has . . . but again I'm not getting attached to this schedule. If he continues the way he's going, he's going to need to make up calories at night if he's too distracted to nurse enough during the day . . .
All-in-all, I think the last couple weeks have been an interesting look into the things to come! I was so excited for him to be able to do more stuff but now I'm ambivalent, haha. I just can't believe how much changes every single month!
Happy half-birthday, my darling baby!
As I had written about on Monday, six months is a mile-stone to me. When he really starts to eat food and not just play with it; sitting up . . . A six-month old is a big baby (to me)--looking more like a 12 month old than they do a tiny newborn . . . (especially next to his Great-Grandma Rosemary (GG) teehee):
What this means for my boy is a will and an energy that cause alternating joy and frustration. He is fascinated by everything. Anything new is amazing. If there is nothing else to look at he will scratch and pick at whatever--the wooden side of his changing area, the leopard print comforter (a legacy of James' life pre-me), the couch, his clothing, us, you name it.
With desire comes frustration. I am pretty responsive to him--fetching toys that go out of reach, whatever he needs. But I'm realizing now that I need to let him be frustrated. That is what is going to drive his muscles to develop so that he's actually able to do the things he wants. Like crawl and roll and reach and all these other things. So I'm starting to put things JUST out of reach now, to motivate him.
He is THIS CLOSE . . .
And we have a sitter! He can sit independently for longer and longer stretches--which is still usually only a second or two--but that is improved from milliseconds only a week or two ago so it's very progressive! Now he wants to sit all the time and isn't as content to lay down.
He also still loves to stand. He will stand on the ground while holding our hands, stand on our laps while we hold his hands or legs or sides . . . he even stood holding on to a cabinet handle (WITHOUT me holding onto him!) for a half-second a few times over the last few days.
Crawling, not so much. He won't even get up on his hands and knees. But he's starting to do that slouchy tripod sit that is "on the way to hands and knees" . . . hehe.
He had his first real cold last week, runny nose, coughing, fussy, etc. I got WAY WAY sicker than him (yay breastfeeding)!
He REALLY found his tongue recently and now is obsessed with sticking it out, chewing on it, biting it while focusing, blowing raspberries with it out, you name it. It is very adorable. I have yet to get a good pic of it, though.
What isn't as adorable is the yelling and screaming that have also been a new little habit. It is probably related to the will, the frustration, the not-content-laying-down, you know, the whole bit. Just today I left the guy yelling to himself in his swing for a few mins while I took a break. It is just too high-pitched to even handle.
He is still nursing but his pattern has finally changed from pretty much every 2 hours. Now it's more like he'll have a snack every two hours, and maybe stick around for one letdown, or more if I am sitting in a silent and still room. But most of the time he is too interested in the world to get a good meal in him. He makes up for it, though. He has a nice LOOONG breastfeed when he first wakes up, and then usually has at least one or two long sessions throughout the day before naps, when he's sleepy. And then sometimes he has a long meal before bed but often not. Sometimes I feed him when we go to bed between 10-12 but not always.
And I am hesitantly saying that I have a 9-times-out-of-10 sleep-through-the-nighter if dawn is considered "morning", and you don't count that last night feeding (when I'm going to sleep or sometimes earlier) that he sometimes has . . . but again I'm not getting attached to this schedule. If he continues the way he's going, he's going to need to make up calories at night if he's too distracted to nurse enough during the day . . .
All-in-all, I think the last couple weeks have been an interesting look into the things to come! I was so excited for him to be able to do more stuff but now I'm ambivalent, haha. I just can't believe how much changes every single month!
Happy half-birthday, my darling baby!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Two Topics
ONE: Meeting my New Doc
I met my new doc for the first time yesterday and I ((HEART)) her! She is this gorgeous Nigerian-American woman with this slight and lilting accent--one of those people that you just automatically adore the minute you see her. She is SO calm and just beautiful--one of those people you can tell is beautiful inside and out!
So I liked her right away. She was sweet to james and so gentle to me.
She listened to my sordid past--haven't had a real doc for over a year (and sketchy contact with my previous one, who I never loved, in the years before that), using my husband's prescriptions (albuteral inhaler and adderall for ADHD), and didn't judge me or say much at all really!
And the verdict is--ear infection! She asked if I was nursing him (yep--I was nursing him when she walked in the office, guess she didn't even notice, haha), and then said I could take amoxicillan. I told her that I wasn't a huge fan of antibiotics and asked if it would go away on its own.
"Maybe," was her simple answer, with no comment about my opinion either way. I thought for a second and said:
"Well, why don't you give me the prescription and if I think I really need it I will fill it."
"Okay," she said. Again simple, quiet, gentle.
She left the room in the same manner, with a warm: "Very nice to meet you," which I honestly returned!
So that was my appt!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TWO: Dealing with an Ear Infection sans Antibiotics (Part One)
So last night for the first time my ear actually ached instead of just feeling swollen and pressure in my sinuses and glands.
(Sorry if I neglected to ever write about the fact that I was sick, for those who don't follow me on FB--I guess it inspired all this health talk, haha. Basically I got a virus--fever, coughing, and serious fluid in my lungs as is typical for asthmatic me. Okay fine. But then it turned into an ear infection. My first one in probably ten years--WTH?).
Anyway, I decided that if I was going to avoid antibiotics, I needed to ramp my natural cures into gear. So last night I took a steamy shower, did the Neti pot (God I should have been doing it all along it was SO effective), and then had James put breast milk in both my ears (just in case, though only the left was infected--I'll have to write another post about the awesome and amazing cure-all that breast milk is). And I continued to take Mucinex and my asthma inhaler, as I've been doing (otherwise I would have needed antibiotics!), and I woke up this morning feeling better. Not aching anymore, so that's progress. I'm going to do the Netipot again today at least twice and also do the breast milk in ears again before bed.
Wish me luck on being able to beat this! I'll talk about the importance of avoiding antibiotics (when possible) tomorrow afternoon!
I met my new doc for the first time yesterday and I ((HEART)) her! She is this gorgeous Nigerian-American woman with this slight and lilting accent--one of those people that you just automatically adore the minute you see her. She is SO calm and just beautiful--one of those people you can tell is beautiful inside and out!
So I liked her right away. She was sweet to james and so gentle to me.
She listened to my sordid past--haven't had a real doc for over a year (and sketchy contact with my previous one, who I never loved, in the years before that), using my husband's prescriptions (albuteral inhaler and adderall for ADHD), and didn't judge me or say much at all really!
And the verdict is--ear infection! She asked if I was nursing him (yep--I was nursing him when she walked in the office, guess she didn't even notice, haha), and then said I could take amoxicillan. I told her that I wasn't a huge fan of antibiotics and asked if it would go away on its own.
"Maybe," was her simple answer, with no comment about my opinion either way. I thought for a second and said:
"Well, why don't you give me the prescription and if I think I really need it I will fill it."
"Okay," she said. Again simple, quiet, gentle.
She left the room in the same manner, with a warm: "Very nice to meet you," which I honestly returned!
So that was my appt!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TWO: Dealing with an Ear Infection sans Antibiotics (Part One)
So last night for the first time my ear actually ached instead of just feeling swollen and pressure in my sinuses and glands.
(Sorry if I neglected to ever write about the fact that I was sick, for those who don't follow me on FB--I guess it inspired all this health talk, haha. Basically I got a virus--fever, coughing, and serious fluid in my lungs as is typical for asthmatic me. Okay fine. But then it turned into an ear infection. My first one in probably ten years--WTH?).
Anyway, I decided that if I was going to avoid antibiotics, I needed to ramp my natural cures into gear. So last night I took a steamy shower, did the Neti pot (God I should have been doing it all along it was SO effective), and then had James put breast milk in both my ears (just in case, though only the left was infected--I'll have to write another post about the awesome and amazing cure-all that breast milk is). And I continued to take Mucinex and my asthma inhaler, as I've been doing (otherwise I would have needed antibiotics!), and I woke up this morning feeling better. Not aching anymore, so that's progress. I'm going to do the Netipot again today at least twice and also do the breast milk in ears again before bed.
Wish me luck on being able to beat this! I'll talk about the importance of avoiding antibiotics (when possible) tomorrow afternoon!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Self-Managed Health
I've just been thinking a lot about health, so I think I'll do an "Afternoon Series on Natural Approaches to Health", sort of thing for a few days or a week here, hehe.
Since I graduated from college I more and more have moved toward managing my own health—honestly, mostly out of negligence. I didn’t really have a doctor that I liked and trusted . . .
But in that time I have found doctors that I like and trust—a therapist, a chiropractor, an acupuncturist, a Reproductive Endocronologist (helped us get pregnant with james), a midwife, and even, most recently, a naturopath. There are some common elements in ALL these people that I have realized bring health care into a new level for me, and now I can’t go back:
-Most of them have similar values for the most part. They like to get to the bottom of a problem instead of treating symptoms, they like to prevent rather than treat, they are interested in natural methods, etc.
-Most of them are actual friends of ours or I would be friends with them in a different situation.
-Most of them are in solo practice. Meaning I call their office and they answer the phone, or they have one secretary who may or may not be their wife, haha. Honestly this is a huge deal for me. I like the personal thing.
-And finally most of them respect me as another intelligent person able to make her own decisions and do her own research about things.
So this bar has been set by these excellent specialists and alternative health professionals, and really since I graduated from college (gosh, has it been SIX years?), I have had my ears out for a Primary Care Doctor who would meet this standard.
Meeting the naturopath recently was a great step, but really I need someone who is able to write prescriptions. I can manage my own health up the ying-yang but sometimes you need a prescription, and I can’t do that, unfortunately.
And honestly, thank God James and I have the same prescriptions. We both use an albuterol inhaler for asthma (him as a rescue inhaler, me when I get sick), and we both take adderall for ADHD (me only sometimes). So I’ve pretty much leached off of his prescriptions since the college graduation six years ago (crazy how time goes).
But today is a big day! I am off to the actual doctor. Dr. M. I got her name from several people I trust that she is sort of hands-off and supportive of alternative health, which is what I’m looking for, I guess!
I’m actually nearly feeling better but still going to go so that later this summer when I have Lyme’s Disease I’ll be a patient there. J/k I hope.
Since I graduated from college I more and more have moved toward managing my own health—honestly, mostly out of negligence. I didn’t really have a doctor that I liked and trusted . . .
But in that time I have found doctors that I like and trust—a therapist, a chiropractor, an acupuncturist, a Reproductive Endocronologist (helped us get pregnant with james), a midwife, and even, most recently, a naturopath. There are some common elements in ALL these people that I have realized bring health care into a new level for me, and now I can’t go back:
-Most of them have similar values for the most part. They like to get to the bottom of a problem instead of treating symptoms, they like to prevent rather than treat, they are interested in natural methods, etc.
-Most of them are actual friends of ours or I would be friends with them in a different situation.
-Most of them are in solo practice. Meaning I call their office and they answer the phone, or they have one secretary who may or may not be their wife, haha. Honestly this is a huge deal for me. I like the personal thing.
-And finally most of them respect me as another intelligent person able to make her own decisions and do her own research about things.
So this bar has been set by these excellent specialists and alternative health professionals, and really since I graduated from college (gosh, has it been SIX years?), I have had my ears out for a Primary Care Doctor who would meet this standard.
Meeting the naturopath recently was a great step, but really I need someone who is able to write prescriptions. I can manage my own health up the ying-yang but sometimes you need a prescription, and I can’t do that, unfortunately.
And honestly, thank God James and I have the same prescriptions. We both use an albuterol inhaler for asthma (him as a rescue inhaler, me when I get sick), and we both take adderall for ADHD (me only sometimes). So I’ve pretty much leached off of his prescriptions since the college graduation six years ago (crazy how time goes).
But today is a big day! I am off to the actual doctor. Dr. M. I got her name from several people I trust that she is sort of hands-off and supportive of alternative health, which is what I’m looking for, I guess!
I’m actually nearly feeling better but still going to go so that later this summer when I have Lyme’s Disease I’ll be a patient there. J/k I hope.
Going forward with Baby-Led Weaning @ 6 months!
james is getting better and better at eating. Meaning that I think just about a week or two ago, he actually successful bit off, chewed, and swallowed his first chunk of banana after over a month of attempts.
Since he and I were sick, there was almost a week where I didn't bother trying to give him any food at all. So at this point he's not replacing ANY breastfeeding calories with food calories. But his food and eating skills are definitely improving.
I'm holding off a lot because I originally didn't want to give him anything that he'd originally tested as sensitive to (even though we have gotten most things treated now with AAT), but that is a LOT LOT LOT of stuff, so I'm thinking now I might just avoid the obvious things, otherwise we will not really be able to share our food with him very often at all.
So anyway, up until now I've been VERY exploratory with baby-led weaning--meaning I only usually give him small amounts of food, and definitely not every day. I think at this point he has "tried":
Banana
Avocado
Broccoli
Asparagus
Hummus
Potato Chips (I know I'm awful)
Rye Crackers
Spinach
Rice
Apple
Pear
But literally with all of these things over the last month and a half, I would bet he's actually digested less than 2 tablespoons of food TOTAL. And that one of those was in the last week . . . (and honestly I don't think he's done more than lick apple and pear . . . )
So I got a little nervous actually when he ate this first bite of banana, and then for like an entire week I barely gave him anything. Nervous like, I take it back, I'm not ready for my baby to eat food! I think it will be hard for me when he decides he'd rather eat food than have a breastfeed, you know?
But I think, now that he's nearly 6 months, I'm "ready" to go forward. And now we've treated a LOT of things with AAT (have to update about that, later), so I also think that I might stop being a little less careful about minor ingredients that he had originally reacted to. I've been doing that with my own diet for awhile now without any negative effects on him, so I think it will be okay. Since wheat is his most serious allergy, I will definitely completely avoid giving him that (and peanuts and other nuts, just because those allergies tend to be serious) for a LONG time, but small amounts of tomato, corn, yeast, etc, inside other foods that I'm using to cook with? I'm going to have to relax on that unless I want to cook him separate meals. And he doesn't want separate meals, I already can tell.
I also might go shopping soon for some little snacks and things that he can eat (since all the normal stuff like Cheerios and Goldfish are out). I'm excited but also, as I talked about yesterday, sad about my boy growing up . . .
Since he and I were sick, there was almost a week where I didn't bother trying to give him any food at all. So at this point he's not replacing ANY breastfeeding calories with food calories. But his food and eating skills are definitely improving.
I'm holding off a lot because I originally didn't want to give him anything that he'd originally tested as sensitive to (even though we have gotten most things treated now with AAT), but that is a LOT LOT LOT of stuff, so I'm thinking now I might just avoid the obvious things, otherwise we will not really be able to share our food with him very often at all.
So anyway, up until now I've been VERY exploratory with baby-led weaning--meaning I only usually give him small amounts of food, and definitely not every day. I think at this point he has "tried":
Banana
Avocado
Broccoli
Asparagus
Hummus
Potato Chips (I know I'm awful)
Rye Crackers
Spinach
Rice
Apple
Pear
But literally with all of these things over the last month and a half, I would bet he's actually digested less than 2 tablespoons of food TOTAL. And that one of those was in the last week . . . (and honestly I don't think he's done more than lick apple and pear . . . )
So I got a little nervous actually when he ate this first bite of banana, and then for like an entire week I barely gave him anything. Nervous like, I take it back, I'm not ready for my baby to eat food! I think it will be hard for me when he decides he'd rather eat food than have a breastfeed, you know?
But I think, now that he's nearly 6 months, I'm "ready" to go forward. And now we've treated a LOT of things with AAT (have to update about that, later), so I also think that I might stop being a little less careful about minor ingredients that he had originally reacted to. I've been doing that with my own diet for awhile now without any negative effects on him, so I think it will be okay. Since wheat is his most serious allergy, I will definitely completely avoid giving him that (and peanuts and other nuts, just because those allergies tend to be serious) for a LONG time, but small amounts of tomato, corn, yeast, etc, inside other foods that I'm using to cook with? I'm going to have to relax on that unless I want to cook him separate meals. And he doesn't want separate meals, I already can tell.
I also might go shopping soon for some little snacks and things that he can eat (since all the normal stuff like Cheerios and Goldfish are out). I'm excited but also, as I talked about yesterday, sad about my boy growing up . . .
Monday, May 16, 2011
My Baby is Growing Up . . . and I cried about it
J has changed so much in the last month. I know I say that every month, but it's just always true . . .
I start out with writing with lots of thinking. Every post is a selection of a bunch of ideas and thoughts and the lack of a bunch of other thoughts and ideas that I've been having over the past hour, day, week, month, year, whatever.
So I was in the "thinking about" stage for james' six month post (coming Thursday!) and trying to breastfeed him . . . we had a busy weekend and I think he's just in a really overtired, overstimulated, underfed, not enough Mommytime, and recovering from being sick sort of a mood . . . (his normal days actually consist of a lot of relative "alone" time where he is playing quietly and I think that down time is important for him). Anyway, he just kept arching his back and fussing and not wanting to eat. Just before that I had taken away a toy from him so I could go nurse him and he threw a fit. Like, started bawling and kicking his legs . . . oh man.
So of course this brought me back to how much he has changed in the last month. My boy who up until recently would never refuse "a meal", haha. And holding him like that and thinking about it, I just burst into tears! Firstly that he's growing up, secondly that he's rejecting me from nursing (only sometimes, but still)--I used to be enough for him! Enough warm, food, comfort--the most interesting thing in the world!
But as I'd mentioned before, someone lit a fire in this boy's pants this month and he's on the move. I'm suddenly taking a back seat to the very interesting world and all he wants to do with it--look, touch, hear . . .
I know this is only another step in the process of james starting to become his own person with his own interests, desires . . . will. The process of his body separating out from mine, starting at conception, is moving toward completion, now at 6 months, as the weaning process begins ever so slowly with his first table foods . . . I know I have many many more years to come of my little boy, but before I know it he'll be a teenager and then a man! I've seen it happen to other kids, I know how fast it goes.
And for a second today, struggling to nurse my little guy, I held him for a second and cried about his upcoming 6-month "birthday"--I always thought of a 6 month old as a "big baby". And honestly james is already there--he resembled so much his 13-month old cousin we saw this weekend--with a will, on the move . . . it made me realize (again) how fast it goes. Hug those babies close, fellow Mommas.
I start out with writing with lots of thinking. Every post is a selection of a bunch of ideas and thoughts and the lack of a bunch of other thoughts and ideas that I've been having over the past hour, day, week, month, year, whatever.
So I was in the "thinking about" stage for james' six month post (coming Thursday!) and trying to breastfeed him . . . we had a busy weekend and I think he's just in a really overtired, overstimulated, underfed, not enough Mommytime, and recovering from being sick sort of a mood . . . (his normal days actually consist of a lot of relative "alone" time where he is playing quietly and I think that down time is important for him). Anyway, he just kept arching his back and fussing and not wanting to eat. Just before that I had taken away a toy from him so I could go nurse him and he threw a fit. Like, started bawling and kicking his legs . . . oh man.
So of course this brought me back to how much he has changed in the last month. My boy who up until recently would never refuse "a meal", haha. And holding him like that and thinking about it, I just burst into tears! Firstly that he's growing up, secondly that he's rejecting me from nursing (only sometimes, but still)--I used to be enough for him! Enough warm, food, comfort--the most interesting thing in the world!
But as I'd mentioned before, someone lit a fire in this boy's pants this month and he's on the move. I'm suddenly taking a back seat to the very interesting world and all he wants to do with it--look, touch, hear . . .
I know this is only another step in the process of james starting to become his own person with his own interests, desires . . . will. The process of his body separating out from mine, starting at conception, is moving toward completion, now at 6 months, as the weaning process begins ever so slowly with his first table foods . . . I know I have many many more years to come of my little boy, but before I know it he'll be a teenager and then a man! I've seen it happen to other kids, I know how fast it goes.
And for a second today, struggling to nurse my little guy, I held him for a second and cried about his upcoming 6-month "birthday"--I always thought of a 6 month old as a "big baby". And honestly james is already there--he resembled so much his 13-month old cousin we saw this weekend--with a will, on the move . . . it made me realize (again) how fast it goes. Hug those babies close, fellow Mommas.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Old School Sunday: My Away Message
If you haven't heard about my new blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
Getting to the end of the fall semester of my sophomore year in college . . . just started writing again after a six-month break . . .
11th December 2002
3:26am
Current Mood: satisfied
"Would it be possible for humans to feel love as deeply as they can, but not hate? Just as the existence of Heaven can only be explained in the face of Hell, I am afraid that hate is connected to love too strongly to separate out one from the other. Psychologists say that chemically, hate and love are identical. People say that you can only truly hate people that you love. I say that people choose their own emotions, and if they don't, the emotions choose them, and control is lost."
So that was what my away message said, and then I read it over and I started thinking. What if the body just produces a physical (chemical) reaction to our world, and it is our brain that assigns value to these, in essence, emotions. If we realize this, we start to realize our ability to control how we feel, at every moment of our lives.
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
Getting to the end of the fall semester of my sophomore year in college . . . just started writing again after a six-month break . . .
11th December 2002
3:26am
Current Mood: satisfied
"Would it be possible for humans to feel love as deeply as they can, but not hate? Just as the existence of Heaven can only be explained in the face of Hell, I am afraid that hate is connected to love too strongly to separate out one from the other. Psychologists say that chemically, hate and love are identical. People say that you can only truly hate people that you love. I say that people choose their own emotions, and if they don't, the emotions choose them, and control is lost."
So that was what my away message said, and then I read it over and I started thinking. What if the body just produces a physical (chemical) reaction to our world, and it is our brain that assigns value to these, in essence, emotions. If we realize this, we start to realize our ability to control how we feel, at every moment of our lives.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
The Pressure is On!!
Okay . . .
Firstly may I apologize for any stupid things I might have said about parenting before I was a parent. I certainly don't think one needs to have BEEN THERE to know about it--that is, I'm sure there are excellent male midwives and OBs who will never be pregnant, excellent lactation consultants who have never breastfed a baby, and plenty of excellent researchers who have added to the suggested to-do and not-to-do list in terms of parents decisions . . . but one thing I didn't understand until getting to this place with a child (and I'm sure this is only the beginning) is the pressure that you feel as a Mother.
I really think most of it is sourced internally. That is, I think people are the most defensive and sensitive when THEY don't have confidence in their own decisions (or when they aren't doing what they would ideally like to)--therefore, any wayward comment about said decisions/actions can cause internal turmoil . . .
So while I think there can be over-bearing Mothers and Mother-in-Laws (and we've all heard some stories), I think a lot of the discomfort and scrutiny a lot of new Moms feel is ultimately the result of their OWN feelings . . . but it's easy not to see that in the moment, and be defensive because you love your baby, and how DARE someone suggest that you aren't doing right in just how you caring for him! So you get upset/defensive right away, even though said commenter might have just asked you if he might be hungry or something relatively innocent . . .
But it's more than that, because I can tell you, sitting a room yesterday surrounded by my Mother (Great housewife and raiser of four college grads and all-around great kids--not to brag), my Mother-in-law (with a Master's Degree in Family Counseling), my one Grandmother (mother of five and organizational/cleaning expert extraordinaire), and my other Grandmother (who is like THE 50's housewife/Martha Stewart/Cooker, Baker, Painter, Crafter, etc) . . . well honestly it's a lot to live up to. I respect all these women immensely as both wives and mothers . . . so the pressure is on but I do know it is mostly coming from myself.
But with this said, when I heard other Moms talk about Mommy-judging, Mommy-guilt, and other aspects of the social/emotional space of motherhood, I seriously did NOT realize how intense it would be. Both giving and getting--I really want to call myself back into this mental space anytime I find myself giving parenting or breastfeeding advice and remember that as good as my intentions might be, the Mom I'm talking to is FEELING THE BURN just like I was yesterday, and try to be REALLY REALLY sensitive to that.
And let's review here: My baby is perfect. He basically never cries, he is beautiful and obviously super healthy, he has never had anything more than a slight cold/congestion (which a little breast milk in the ears has cleared up within a day the three times it's happened). You might be wondering what possibly could have gotten scrutinized yesterday? Hahaha.
Keep in mind between the four aforementioned women, we run the gamete between my Mom, who like me is super cued into when his noises turn slightly whiny and who begins wondering immediately (aloud) if he needs a fresh diaper, a snack, or what, and my grandmother, who asked me why I was feeding him though he was whining and it had been 3 hours since he last ate, because he wasn't crying.
So basically, damned if you do, damned if you don't, right?
(On an unrelated note, I wrote this like two days ago and there were so many other thoughts in my head and I wasn't sure it was done--but honestly I have a lot of old post beginnings that have never been published, so I'm going to try to be less critical and just go with whatever I've got. So here it is.)
Firstly may I apologize for any stupid things I might have said about parenting before I was a parent. I certainly don't think one needs to have BEEN THERE to know about it--that is, I'm sure there are excellent male midwives and OBs who will never be pregnant, excellent lactation consultants who have never breastfed a baby, and plenty of excellent researchers who have added to the suggested to-do and not-to-do list in terms of parents decisions . . . but one thing I didn't understand until getting to this place with a child (and I'm sure this is only the beginning) is the pressure that you feel as a Mother.
I really think most of it is sourced internally. That is, I think people are the most defensive and sensitive when THEY don't have confidence in their own decisions (or when they aren't doing what they would ideally like to)--therefore, any wayward comment about said decisions/actions can cause internal turmoil . . .
So while I think there can be over-bearing Mothers and Mother-in-Laws (and we've all heard some stories), I think a lot of the discomfort and scrutiny a lot of new Moms feel is ultimately the result of their OWN feelings . . . but it's easy not to see that in the moment, and be defensive because you love your baby, and how DARE someone suggest that you aren't doing right in just how you caring for him! So you get upset/defensive right away, even though said commenter might have just asked you if he might be hungry or something relatively innocent . . .
But it's more than that, because I can tell you, sitting a room yesterday surrounded by my Mother (Great housewife and raiser of four college grads and all-around great kids--not to brag), my Mother-in-law (with a Master's Degree in Family Counseling), my one Grandmother (mother of five and organizational/cleaning expert extraordinaire), and my other Grandmother (who is like THE 50's housewife/Martha Stewart/Cooker, Baker, Painter, Crafter, etc) . . . well honestly it's a lot to live up to. I respect all these women immensely as both wives and mothers . . . so the pressure is on but I do know it is mostly coming from myself.
But with this said, when I heard other Moms talk about Mommy-judging, Mommy-guilt, and other aspects of the social/emotional space of motherhood, I seriously did NOT realize how intense it would be. Both giving and getting--I really want to call myself back into this mental space anytime I find myself giving parenting or breastfeeding advice and remember that as good as my intentions might be, the Mom I'm talking to is FEELING THE BURN just like I was yesterday, and try to be REALLY REALLY sensitive to that.
And let's review here: My baby is perfect. He basically never cries, he is beautiful and obviously super healthy, he has never had anything more than a slight cold/congestion (which a little breast milk in the ears has cleared up within a day the three times it's happened). You might be wondering what possibly could have gotten scrutinized yesterday? Hahaha.
Keep in mind between the four aforementioned women, we run the gamete between my Mom, who like me is super cued into when his noises turn slightly whiny and who begins wondering immediately (aloud) if he needs a fresh diaper, a snack, or what, and my grandmother, who asked me why I was feeding him though he was whining and it had been 3 hours since he last ate, because he wasn't crying.
So basically, damned if you do, damned if you don't, right?
(On an unrelated note, I wrote this like two days ago and there were so many other thoughts in my head and I wasn't sure it was done--but honestly I have a lot of old post beginnings that have never been published, so I'm going to try to be less critical and just go with whatever I've got. So here it is.)
Monday, May 9, 2011
Last Year on this Day...Mother's Day 2010
Last year on Mother's Day, I told my family I was pregnant.
We had the plan to go to my parent's house--my sisters would be there, my two grandmothers would be there, and as it happened, my aunt (who is my godmother), my uncle, and my two cousins were there as well.
We'd gotten cards for each of them. Two "Grandma" cards for my Mom and James' Mom (we'd go to their house later on), and two "Great-Grandma" cards for my two grandmothers. Inside the cards were ultrasounds pictures from 7 and 9 weeks, and "tickets" to the birth and to hear the heartbeat.
So the moment came when everyone was gathered in the living room and they were going to open cards. They opened other cards and then I told them to open ours "all together". My grandma Rosemary realized first, and she just looked at us with tears in her eyes and said: "Really?" And then my grandma Marline started crying and got up to hug us, saying she was so so happy!
And then I looked at my Mom and she didn't know what to think. She was still reading the front of the card and didn't realize. And then some of the "tickets" fell out and she looked at them and finally realized.
"You're pregnant?" she said. And the rest of the room exploded into tears and hugs and my Mom and Dad, shell-shocked, not getting it, hahah. We had to count with my Dad--he was the same age as his father was when he became a grandfather! this comforted him.
My parents both distrusted it, after hearing about the m/c and our infertility struggles . . . I think it took at least a month to kick in--after we showed them the u/s video, and found out it was a boy, then it started to be more real to them . . .
Anyway, my sister Lauren totally lost it then. She turned into a sobbing mess, saying how happy she was for us, and that she had just been wishing so hard for us that we would get pregnant . . .
It was really special.
Later we went to James' Mom's house and I swear she read the following text of the card aloud before she realized I was pregnant:
"Once there was a little boy who had a really special Grandma! (turn page)
(handwritten:) "Here's a picture of your precious grandchild at 7 weeks gestation! And look how big (s)he is at 9 weeks!"
Finally she looked up at us: "Wait a minute! Are you pregnant?" Hahaha, and more hugging and congratulations from my inlaws and my brother and sister in law.
It was so special. And now, this year, I'm a real mother at last.
We had the plan to go to my parent's house--my sisters would be there, my two grandmothers would be there, and as it happened, my aunt (who is my godmother), my uncle, and my two cousins were there as well.
We'd gotten cards for each of them. Two "Grandma" cards for my Mom and James' Mom (we'd go to their house later on), and two "Great-Grandma" cards for my two grandmothers. Inside the cards were ultrasounds pictures from 7 and 9 weeks, and "tickets" to the birth and to hear the heartbeat.
So the moment came when everyone was gathered in the living room and they were going to open cards. They opened other cards and then I told them to open ours "all together". My grandma Rosemary realized first, and she just looked at us with tears in her eyes and said: "Really?" And then my grandma Marline started crying and got up to hug us, saying she was so so happy!
And then I looked at my Mom and she didn't know what to think. She was still reading the front of the card and didn't realize. And then some of the "tickets" fell out and she looked at them and finally realized.
"You're pregnant?" she said. And the rest of the room exploded into tears and hugs and my Mom and Dad, shell-shocked, not getting it, hahah. We had to count with my Dad--he was the same age as his father was when he became a grandfather! this comforted him.
My parents both distrusted it, after hearing about the m/c and our infertility struggles . . . I think it took at least a month to kick in--after we showed them the u/s video, and found out it was a boy, then it started to be more real to them . . .
Anyway, my sister Lauren totally lost it then. She turned into a sobbing mess, saying how happy she was for us, and that she had just been wishing so hard for us that we would get pregnant . . .
It was really special.
Later we went to James' Mom's house and I swear she read the following text of the card aloud before she realized I was pregnant:
"Once there was a little boy who had a really special Grandma! (turn page)
(handwritten:) "Here's a picture of your precious grandchild at 7 weeks gestation! And look how big (s)he is at 9 weeks!"
Finally she looked up at us: "Wait a minute! Are you pregnant?" Hahaha, and more hugging and congratulations from my inlaws and my brother and sister in law.
It was so special. And now, this year, I'm a real mother at last.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Old School Sunday: What I said to Greg
If you haven't heard about my new blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
I was a month into my first summer break from college. . . missing my college friends like Greg B...
15th June 2002
3:45am
Current Mood: contemplative
I might be wrong.
I think that the difference between sane people and SOME insane people, you included, is that insane people are more easily able to forget hypocrisy, injustice, madness, sadness, and sorrows. Insane people like you are the ones who recognize the world for what it is, and cannot seem to reconcile the positivity of existence in such a barren and unhappy place.
Luckily, I am one of those who easily forgets, but not everyone is this lucky. I suppose I just think that even though the world is horrible in many ways, it isn't natural that this is true. I think nature gave us this perfect, beautiful, amazing place, and it is only some of the things that we do with it that makes the world horrible. And I can't help thinking that someday things will be different. That someday, there will be an equality between the beauty of nature and the goodness of people.
And I suppose that the meaning of MY life, not to speak for anyone else, is trying my hardest at all times to help the balance be achieved. There's not really anything else I could do.
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
I was a month into my first summer break from college. . . missing my college friends like Greg B...
15th June 2002
3:45am
Current Mood: contemplative
I might be wrong.
I think that the difference between sane people and SOME insane people, you included, is that insane people are more easily able to forget hypocrisy, injustice, madness, sadness, and sorrows. Insane people like you are the ones who recognize the world for what it is, and cannot seem to reconcile the positivity of existence in such a barren and unhappy place.
Luckily, I am one of those who easily forgets, but not everyone is this lucky. I suppose I just think that even though the world is horrible in many ways, it isn't natural that this is true. I think nature gave us this perfect, beautiful, amazing place, and it is only some of the things that we do with it that makes the world horrible. And I can't help thinking that someday things will be different. That someday, there will be an equality between the beauty of nature and the goodness of people.
And I suppose that the meaning of MY life, not to speak for anyone else, is trying my hardest at all times to help the balance be achieved. There's not really anything else I could do.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
What Does it Mean to be a Mother?
James has been "on the outside" now for 5 1/2 months, and I'm still not sure what it means that I am his mother.
I'm really not around a lot of other mothers and young kids, maybe that's part of it. It's hard to examine my relationship with him objectively since I'm inside it. It's hard to see what it will mean, what it will be like, on the long term . . .
For now I guess it means that he can count on me. I take care of him. I enjoy his company, I play with him, change him, feed him, love him, snuggle him, bathe him, give him toys and things he wants--I sing to him, toss him in the air, help him sit or stand, help him go to sleep, read him books--we are buddies.
What it means to be a Mother to a baby (to me) is to love him and meet his needs--and in return I get him--his attachment to me, his love for me, his dependence on me, his affection for me . . . I get to raise this little person and get to love him and get his love back. It's like having the best kind of friend where you know that both people are equally "into" the other. Him and I, we are into each other! We love to hang out! We have a similar sense of humor! Haha
I think I'm going to continue to discover what it means to be a mother . . . but I've definitely already learned a lot and found that many things were unexpected!
If you are a mother or mother-to-be (or even if you have a mother, haha), what does it mean to you to be a mother?
I'm really not around a lot of other mothers and young kids, maybe that's part of it. It's hard to examine my relationship with him objectively since I'm inside it. It's hard to see what it will mean, what it will be like, on the long term . . .
For now I guess it means that he can count on me. I take care of him. I enjoy his company, I play with him, change him, feed him, love him, snuggle him, bathe him, give him toys and things he wants--I sing to him, toss him in the air, help him sit or stand, help him go to sleep, read him books--we are buddies.
What it means to be a Mother to a baby (to me) is to love him and meet his needs--and in return I get him--his attachment to me, his love for me, his dependence on me, his affection for me . . . I get to raise this little person and get to love him and get his love back. It's like having the best kind of friend where you know that both people are equally "into" the other. Him and I, we are into each other! We love to hang out! We have a similar sense of humor! Haha
I think I'm going to continue to discover what it means to be a mother . . . but I've definitely already learned a lot and found that many things were unexpected!
If you are a mother or mother-to-be (or even if you have a mother, haha), what does it mean to you to be a mother?
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Blog Features Tour and Some Blog Recs, too . . .
I wanted to point out some things I added to the blog recently, mostly because I am experimenting with them more and realizing how awesome they are! Sorry to the computer savvy, I have a wide range of technological mastery in my readership . . .
- Starting on the top left, my pages. I'm going to be continually updating these. Next to add is a natural birth page
- Beneath that, I now have a search engine! This is one of my fav new features. If someone asks me about something I have posted about (or if I'm looking for old pages to link in new posts), I can easily find it here just by searching some words that I used in the title or body of the post! It's so easy!
- Next, I have a Facebook page now! You can "like" it by clicking the button to the left, there. This can help you stay updated if you don't generally read a lot of blogs but you want to know when I post a new update and "reminders" to come read.
- You are now able to follow the blog by Email. Enter your Email here and I think you will either get Emailed the post or you will get an Email update that there's a new post? I'm actually not sure but if anyone knows or has tried it, feel free to leave a comment with full details, haha.
- You can also subscribe--have my posts and/or comments added to your RSS feed (if you don't know what this is, don't worry about it--I'm actually not 100% sure myself!)
- Next, the good ole blog archive. Hopefully you know what this is--it's a list of all my blog posts organized by year and month and in order.
- And, the last thing on the left, my page view counter--24,818 at the time of this writing!
(Okay, now I'm wanting to redo the whole blog setup! But I will resist and persevere with my little blog tour.)
And . . . to the right!
> The first thing on the top right is my profile/family history info.
> Next, a picture of our family that we'll have to update soon--it's crazy how fast babies change and how fast my hubby's hair grows, LOL.
> Next, my label web. I have spent way too much time and energy labeling and honestly about to overhaul my entire labeling system but here it is now! Currently organized from most frequent to least frequently discussed topics.
> And last but FAR from least, my blog roll. Recently while looking at this I have really appreciated what interesting people my friends are! As just a few examples, Liz is doing a series on cloth diapers, and Alyssa is doing a series about her meetings with a style expert (which is fascinating and sounds like a must for people starting a new job that they want to keep, in this economy!). Additionally I have things like Unicorns to make me smile, or people like Allie who are just too hilarious for words, and then those like Kris and Kelle, who have opened their lives and hearts to me and many others . . . and friends struggling with TTC, IVF--friends getting into the adoption process, food blogs, humor blogs, green blogs, painters, writers, and just a great bunch of parents and women and men and friends and acquaintances. I (heart) my blogroll!
This is the long way of saying, if you usually just visit my blog and don't look much at the blog roll, you might want to! There is something for everyone there, I think. Except maybe conservative fox-news watchers who don't believe in gay marriage, extended breastfeeding, or the education and empowerment of women. And who knows I've got some religious friends maybe there is even something here for you (but most of them believe in extended breastfeeding and the education and empowerment of women, too, so just warning you, hahah).
So that's what the blog looks like right now! I have a lot of changes planned but changes tend to come slow, so wanted to post this anyway! ;D
- Starting on the top left, my pages. I'm going to be continually updating these. Next to add is a natural birth page
- Beneath that, I now have a search engine! This is one of my fav new features. If someone asks me about something I have posted about (or if I'm looking for old pages to link in new posts), I can easily find it here just by searching some words that I used in the title or body of the post! It's so easy!
- Next, I have a Facebook page now! You can "like" it by clicking the button to the left, there. This can help you stay updated if you don't generally read a lot of blogs but you want to know when I post a new update and "reminders" to come read.
- You are now able to follow the blog by Email. Enter your Email here and I think you will either get Emailed the post or you will get an Email update that there's a new post? I'm actually not sure but if anyone knows or has tried it, feel free to leave a comment with full details, haha.
- You can also subscribe--have my posts and/or comments added to your RSS feed (if you don't know what this is, don't worry about it--I'm actually not 100% sure myself!)
- Next, the good ole blog archive. Hopefully you know what this is--it's a list of all my blog posts organized by year and month and in order.
- And, the last thing on the left, my page view counter--24,818 at the time of this writing!
(Okay, now I'm wanting to redo the whole blog setup! But I will resist and persevere with my little blog tour.)
And . . . to the right!
> The first thing on the top right is my profile/family history info.
> Next, a picture of our family that we'll have to update soon--it's crazy how fast babies change and how fast my hubby's hair grows, LOL.
> Next, my label web. I have spent way too much time and energy labeling and honestly about to overhaul my entire labeling system but here it is now! Currently organized from most frequent to least frequently discussed topics.
> And last but FAR from least, my blog roll. Recently while looking at this I have really appreciated what interesting people my friends are! As just a few examples, Liz is doing a series on cloth diapers, and Alyssa is doing a series about her meetings with a style expert (which is fascinating and sounds like a must for people starting a new job that they want to keep, in this economy!). Additionally I have things like Unicorns to make me smile, or people like Allie who are just too hilarious for words, and then those like Kris and Kelle, who have opened their lives and hearts to me and many others . . . and friends struggling with TTC, IVF--friends getting into the adoption process, food blogs, humor blogs, green blogs, painters, writers, and just a great bunch of parents and women and men and friends and acquaintances. I (heart) my blogroll!
This is the long way of saying, if you usually just visit my blog and don't look much at the blog roll, you might want to! There is something for everyone there, I think. Except maybe conservative fox-news watchers who don't believe in gay marriage, extended breastfeeding, or the education and empowerment of women. And who knows I've got some religious friends maybe there is even something here for you (but most of them believe in extended breastfeeding and the education and empowerment of women, too, so just warning you, hahah).
So that's what the blog looks like right now! I have a lot of changes planned but changes tend to come slow, so wanted to post this anyway! ;D
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Old and New Stuff
James is a big boy all of a sudden!
This weekend we transferred him into his "big boy" car seat. He still fits in the old one but in some diapers he is within an inch of the seat back, so it was time for an upgrade. That means his snap-and-go stroller is also null and void! I can't believe it's time to store that stuff for the long term!
We registered for the Phil and Ted Classic Stroller but didn't get it--it was the one name-brand expensive thing I really wanted (besides the car seats but that's a safety issue). Anyway, my Mother-in-law said she would get it for us now which is super nice. Also, she gave us this old stroller of my sister-in-law to use in the meantime.
I picked the Phil and Ted's because I had heard great things about it--it was light-weight, easily maneuverable on many terrains, could hold a newborn car-seat, and was easily convertible to a double stroller. Most importantly, it has a high satisfaction rating among owners! So hopefully it's the only one we'll ever need!
Anyway, getting back to James and the fact that he is big? I also went through and put away his last few 0-3 month things. Clothing with him is a funny thing, for instance:
-Right now he is in 9-month sleepers and rompers (one-piece outfits). He is generally at least one size ahead in anything one-size because his legs and body are so long.
-He is in 9 month Carters Onesies WITHOUT a crotch extender (though def has some extra room around the middle, haha), BUT
he could still nearly fit in Carter's 3 month onesies WITH a crotch extender (he just barely outgrew for them good).
-He is STILL VERY COMFORTABLY in Carter's 3-month side-snap T's. His body is such a little thing that in T-shirts with short sleeves he can still fit fine in 3 month (however, with sleeves he needs 6 month for length).
-He is totally in 6 (or 9) month pants now--between the cloth diaper and long legs he needs it.
-He's at least in "12 month" for any hats, hahahah. Any outfit that comes with a hat you have to figure it will be too small when the outfit fits . . .
In lots of things, they are so wide and short on him that his shoulders pop out the top! We have lots of things that he just plain will never be able to wear because they are shaped like squares and he is shaped like a line, hahahah. He will have outgrown a lot of stuff lengthwise (even with a crotch extender) BEFORE he can EVEN FIT IN THEM width-wise without looking ridiculous.
Anyway, due to this funny shaped baby, the range of sizes he wears is extremely large, ;-). Sooo, I mostly put stuff away AS I notice him outgrowing them, but recently I took the plunge and put the last of the 3 months and 0-3 month stuff away (and almost all of the last of the 3-6 month stuff too). It's so strange that he is growing up so quickly.
We got a TON of clothes from my shower and now he's getting almost out of all of it! Crazy.
In terms of diapers, he's now in the largest size (setting) of the Bumgenius one-size diapers (which supposedly can be used to thirty pounds or something?). He's still in medium Happy Heinys and standard pre-folds, but the pre-folds are getting tight. I'm hoping that the way his body is growing will change so that we are able to stay in these same diapers for a while more. I REALLY don't want to invest in a whole new set of expensive diapers. I might just order bigger pre-folds though, I'm sure we will end up using them . . .
So that's where we are in gear, clothes and diapers at 5 1/2 weeks (man, time flies)!
This weekend we transferred him into his "big boy" car seat. He still fits in the old one but in some diapers he is within an inch of the seat back, so it was time for an upgrade. That means his snap-and-go stroller is also null and void! I can't believe it's time to store that stuff for the long term!
We registered for the Phil and Ted Classic Stroller but didn't get it--it was the one name-brand expensive thing I really wanted (besides the car seats but that's a safety issue). Anyway, my Mother-in-law said she would get it for us now which is super nice. Also, she gave us this old stroller of my sister-in-law to use in the meantime.
I picked the Phil and Ted's because I had heard great things about it--it was light-weight, easily maneuverable on many terrains, could hold a newborn car-seat, and was easily convertible to a double stroller. Most importantly, it has a high satisfaction rating among owners! So hopefully it's the only one we'll ever need!
Anyway, getting back to James and the fact that he is big? I also went through and put away his last few 0-3 month things. Clothing with him is a funny thing, for instance:
-Right now he is in 9-month sleepers and rompers (one-piece outfits). He is generally at least one size ahead in anything one-size because his legs and body are so long.
-He is in 9 month Carters Onesies WITHOUT a crotch extender (though def has some extra room around the middle, haha), BUT
he could still nearly fit in Carter's 3 month onesies WITH a crotch extender (he just barely outgrew for them good).
-He is STILL VERY COMFORTABLY in Carter's 3-month side-snap T's. His body is such a little thing that in T-shirts with short sleeves he can still fit fine in 3 month (however, with sleeves he needs 6 month for length).
-He is totally in 6 (or 9) month pants now--between the cloth diaper and long legs he needs it.
-He's at least in "12 month" for any hats, hahahah. Any outfit that comes with a hat you have to figure it will be too small when the outfit fits . . .
In lots of things, they are so wide and short on him that his shoulders pop out the top! We have lots of things that he just plain will never be able to wear because they are shaped like squares and he is shaped like a line, hahahah. He will have outgrown a lot of stuff lengthwise (even with a crotch extender) BEFORE he can EVEN FIT IN THEM width-wise without looking ridiculous.
Anyway, due to this funny shaped baby, the range of sizes he wears is extremely large, ;-). Sooo, I mostly put stuff away AS I notice him outgrowing them, but recently I took the plunge and put the last of the 3 months and 0-3 month stuff away (and almost all of the last of the 3-6 month stuff too). It's so strange that he is growing up so quickly.
We got a TON of clothes from my shower and now he's getting almost out of all of it! Crazy.
In terms of diapers, he's now in the largest size (setting) of the Bumgenius one-size diapers (which supposedly can be used to thirty pounds or something?). He's still in medium Happy Heinys and standard pre-folds, but the pre-folds are getting tight. I'm hoping that the way his body is growing will change so that we are able to stay in these same diapers for a while more. I REALLY don't want to invest in a whole new set of expensive diapers. I might just order bigger pre-folds though, I'm sure we will end up using them . . .
So that's where we are in gear, clothes and diapers at 5 1/2 weeks (man, time flies)!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Old School Sunday: Three Friends
If you haven't heard about my new blog series "Old School Sunday", read the back story!
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
I was recently returned home from my first year of college and the news from several of my friends was not good. :(
14th May 2002
9:20am
Mariclare:
I talked to Mariclare on ?Sunday? ?Monday? (Will the days ever separate themselves out?) and she told me that they found two lumps in her mothers breast. The reason I couldn't say how this makes me feel is that I am quite sure that I have separated the fact itself from my emotions completely.
All I can say is that if Mariclare lives in NH this summer, I will miss her very much. Dreadfully. Painfully. I already miss her enough. I don't know. I wouldn't even ask her to NOT go because of me though, because I really do believe that it would, under some circumstances, be the best thing for her. COGNITIVE DISSONANCE
Greg B:
I think Greg feels as if he is losing his identity--becoming whatever people expect him to be perhaps. I wish that just sometimes, if he were sad or depressed or annoyed or anything, that he would tell me, or just act like it. Usually when we are together he and I are both happy. However, I think we both know that his happiness is only the surface, and probably the least important, of how he feels. I wish that I knew for sure how he felt. I feel like sometimes, when it is very late, and he is very tired, too tired perhaps, to be the actor anymore, he allows me a tiny glance into himself. He is serious instead of jovial. These are the times that it is HIM and not the actor, and these are the times that I love him best and worry about him most.
Although he is simply responding to everyone else. No one likes to hear about other peoples depressing mentalities about this or that. However, I pick and choose those people who I will bring down with me--surely this is ?LOL? true friendship. I wonder if Greg picks or chooses. Is this act simply consideration on his part? If it is--just know that I know, GB. And know that your identity must be expressed--no matter how much other people may not like the morose. If you continue to become the actor, I am quite certain you will forget how to turn off the actor, until it consumes you and your entire life is a farce for other people's pleasure.
D:
I can't even believe this shit about D. He has been expelled from school and from what Norm says, he will not be back next year either. An entire semester down the tubes at the very end. So much work and money for nothing. I thought the police were there to help the rest of us become better and more productive citizens. Surely being the cause of a good kid to drop out of school is doing that. Way to go.
And if you want, catch up on what you missed (read from the bottom up!)
I was recently returned home from my first year of college and the news from several of my friends was not good. :(
14th May 2002
9:20am
Mariclare:
I talked to Mariclare on ?Sunday? ?Monday? (Will the days ever separate themselves out?) and she told me that they found two lumps in her mothers breast. The reason I couldn't say how this makes me feel is that I am quite sure that I have separated the fact itself from my emotions completely.
All I can say is that if Mariclare lives in NH this summer, I will miss her very much. Dreadfully. Painfully. I already miss her enough. I don't know. I wouldn't even ask her to NOT go because of me though, because I really do believe that it would, under some circumstances, be the best thing for her. COGNITIVE DISSONANCE
Greg B:
I think Greg feels as if he is losing his identity--becoming whatever people expect him to be perhaps. I wish that just sometimes, if he were sad or depressed or annoyed or anything, that he would tell me, or just act like it. Usually when we are together he and I are both happy. However, I think we both know that his happiness is only the surface, and probably the least important, of how he feels. I wish that I knew for sure how he felt. I feel like sometimes, when it is very late, and he is very tired, too tired perhaps, to be the actor anymore, he allows me a tiny glance into himself. He is serious instead of jovial. These are the times that it is HIM and not the actor, and these are the times that I love him best and worry about him most.
Although he is simply responding to everyone else. No one likes to hear about other peoples depressing mentalities about this or that. However, I pick and choose those people who I will bring down with me--surely this is ?LOL? true friendship. I wonder if Greg picks or chooses. Is this act simply consideration on his part? If it is--just know that I know, GB. And know that your identity must be expressed--no matter how much other people may not like the morose. If you continue to become the actor, I am quite certain you will forget how to turn off the actor, until it consumes you and your entire life is a farce for other people's pleasure.
D:
I can't even believe this shit about D. He has been expelled from school and from what Norm says, he will not be back next year either. An entire semester down the tubes at the very end. So much work and money for nothing. I thought the police were there to help the rest of us become better and more productive citizens. Surely being the cause of a good kid to drop out of school is doing that. Way to go.
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