Expecting our Little Brother in November!

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Monday, April 18, 2011

Thoughts on Adoption

I have mentioned on here and in person to various friends and family offhand that we are thinking about adoption.

Adopting is something I've always thought of doing. My sister's boyfriend's family is a great example for me. His Mom was adopted, and his sister was adopted (from Korea? Vietnam? I should know but I'm not sure).

My sister has been dating her boyfriend for like . . . 7 years now. And in that time me and my sisters have talked often about adoption. Some have said that they don't want to have biological children and ONLY adopt (one more motivated by population issues, the other more motivated by "fear and unwillingness to push a baby out of her"), but later may have softened on that point. But I think all of us feel open to adoption (or primarily committed to it) as a way to grow our families, so it's something that's always been present on my mind.

But something changed in an acute way after having James. The postpartum and nursing hormones turned stories of abandoned children into the stuff nightmares are made of. And suddenly my thoughts and mind are haunted by an image of babies lined up in cribs on their backs, rows upon rows, and just feeling the connection I have with James, and feeling as if the bond between Mom and Babe is almost holy, the thought of babies out there without a Mom just makes me cry every single time I fully indulge it. So lonely and cold and hungry and wanting someone to love them! AH.

And so I suppose I feel most called to International Adoption--the most expensive and longest taking of all! Lucky me, haha. No but I do seriously feel lucky. And my heart is already connected to our little (daughter?) and I feel totally as if she is meant to be in our family. However she probably isn't even born yet, haha, but still! I feel the same connection toward my future next biological child and I felt the same connection to James while we were trying-to-conceive him.

But ironically planning an adoption is like "planning to try-to-conceive, trying (for a WHILE), and being pregnant" all in one--that is--it takes a LONG time. Especially International Adoption.

So even though my feeling about our adoption is that it is something for the future--like 5 or 6 years down the line--strangely, we should begin the process now and/or within the next year? It's crazy but true!

It's overwhelming and crazy but I'm totally excited at the same time. I guess the first step now is really to learn more--knowing me that means beginning (even more than I already do) to read more and more adoption blogs, and start to research which country will be the best option for us. Eeeek--it is super exciting. It feels very much like planning for any baby, to me--when to try and what that will mean for your life . . .

Okay, I am going to try to publish a Movie Monday post later today, as well!


laurengould said...

I know what you mean about picturing unwanted or orphaned babies. It is heartbreaking.

But also, I feel that it is similar to adopting a pet. You save one life, but there are hundreds, thousands more in line behind that one.

Adoption is definitely a kind and noble thing to do. I also get a sinking feeling when I realize that it is like putting a band-aid on a severed limb.

I think that to start at the source and make sure unwanted babies are not conceived in the first place is so important. But this is a touchy subject, because we are talking about women's bodies, women's property, women's religions. There is no clear answer.

Any baby to be adopted by you would be so lucky and happy!

Marilyn said...

Laur - I TOTALLY agree with you. We really need to be focusing on the root of the problem - particularly addressing issues of birth control and providing birth control to women that want it, no matter where they live or what religion they practice. There are PLENTY of women around the world that wish they had access to birth control but family values, religion, or simply no access to proper women's health care makes it impossible.

The world is already grossly overpopulated...it actually makes me sick to think about it. This world is a pretty terrible place to be if you are anything but a selfish, resource using human being! Ah!

A - Ryan's sister is from Korea. They got her when she was 6 months old - she was born on Feb 15th and can to the US on July 30th (or June?). It was about a three year period from initially starting the adoption process to "getting" Katie. It was something they really wanted to do because Mrs. Hunter had a miscarriage after Ryan and wanted more children, but did not want to risk that happening again.

So yeah, I definitely think it is a selfless and wonderful thing to do, especially for those that have a loving and supportive family atmosphere such as you and James.

Missy said...

International adoption is not necessarily more expensive or longer. It all depends on the route you go domestically, what you are open to, and what country you use. One of the tricky things of starting, say, 5-6 years in advance is that countries can close their adoptions or change the rules on you.

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